The Republic of Colonalia is a colossal, efficient nation, ruled by President Jake Crafter with a fair hand, and remarkable for its smutty television, pith helmet sales, and multi-spousal wedding ceremonies. The compassionate, democratic, cheerful population of 6.071 billion Colonalians hold their civil and political rights very dear, although the wealthy and those in business tend to be viewed with suspicion.

The enormous government juggles the competing demands of Education, Administration, and Environment. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Port Sutherford. The average income tax rate is 96.6%.

The frighteningly efficient Colonalian economy, worth 928 trillion Cons a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is highly specialized, is mostly made up of the Information Technology industry, with significant contributions from Tourism and Book Publishing. Average income is an impressive 152,905 Cons, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Royalist is the most offensive slur in the Colonalian language, too many developers spoil the codebase, lip-readers are often left perplexed by political rallies, and billions are being spent on a new island airport. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Colonalia's national animal is the Phoenix, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies.

Colonalia is ranked 2,701^st in the world and 11^th in Spiritus for Largest Welfare Programs, scoring 8,512.18 on the Safety Net Mesh Density Rating.