The State of Coldwoods is a massive, safe nation, ruled by Governor Richard Woolsey with an even hand, and remarkable for its zero percent divorce rate, pith helmet sales, and unlimited-speed roads. The hard-nosed, devout population of 1.995 billion Coldwoodians have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often.

The medium-sized, corrupt government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Administration, and Law & Order. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Bearford. The average income tax rate is 67.8%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Coldwoodian economy, worth 298 trillion Coldwoodian Dollars a year, is fairly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with major contributions from Tourism, Retail, and Information Technology. Black market activity is extensive. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is an impressive 149,666 Coldwoodian Dollars, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Citizens are bombarded with advertising from their compulsory miniature radios, fire stations and hospitals can't deploy emergency vehicles because badly parked cars block them in, the Violetist community celebrates bombshells being dropped on Coldwoods, and there's nothing more rock-and-roll than absolute sobriety. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Coldwoods's national animal is the Black Bear, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Christanity.

Coldwoods is ranked 225,826^th in the world and 132^nd in The Western Isles for Highest Unexpected Death Rate, scoring 22.72 on the Bus Surprisal Index.