The Free Lands of Coffin-Breathe is a gargantuan, efficient nation, ruled by primus inter pares with a fair hand, and remarkable for its compulsory vegetarianism, otherworldly petting zoo, and smutty television. The compassionate, democratic, cheerful population of 27.354 billion Coffin-Breathren love a good election, and the government gives them plenty of them. Universities tend to be full of students debating the merits of various civil and political rights, while businesses are tightly regulated and the wealthy viewed with suspicion.

The enormous, socially-minded government prioritizes Education, with Environment, Administration, and Healthcare also on the agenda, while Spirituality and Defense receive no funds. The income tax rate is 100%.

The frighteningly efficient Coffin-Breathish economy, worth a remarkable 5,880 trillion needlesses a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is highly specialized, is mostly made up of the Book Publishing industry, with significant contributions from Tourism and Information Technology. Average income is an amazing 214,980 needlesses, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Embarrassed police officers wear spandex and carry net guns, UFO sightings are listed daily in the morning news, nature magazines featuring stick insects on their covers are sometimes mistaken for fashion magazines, and it is illegal for police officers to carry out searches due to strict privacy laws. Crime is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Coffin-Breathe's national animal is the homo sapiens, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is there are no gods.

Coffin-Breathe is ranked 242,944^th in the world and 4^th in Greifenreservat for Largest Manufacturing Sector, scoring zero on the Gooback-Jerbs Productivity Index.