The Free Lands of Coffin-Breathe is a gargantuan, efficient nation, ruled by primus inter pares with an even hand, and remarkable for its unlimited-speed roads, compulsory vegetarianism, and keen interest in outer space. The compassionate, democratic population of 21.212 billion Coffin-Breathren are fiercely patriotic and enjoy great social equality; they tend to view other, more capitalist countries as somewhat immoral and corrupt.

The enormous government prioritizes Education, although Environment, Healthcare, and Social Policy are also considered important, while Spirituality and Defense receive no funds. The average income tax rate is 97.2%.

The frighteningly efficient Coffin-Breathish economy, worth a remarkable 3,111 trillion needlesses a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is highly specialized, is mostly made up of the Book Publishing industry, with significant contributions from Tourism and Cheese Exports. Average income is an impressive 146,688 needlesses, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Parents must choose their children's names from a government-mandated master list, ratings for sitcom reruns are often much higher than election debates, children in school learn that marriage and slavery go hand in hand, and any citizen who cries is immediately assigned a psychiatrist. Crime is totally unknown. Coffin-Breathe's national animal is the homo sapiens, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests.

Coffin-Breathe is ranked 46,335^th in the world and 1^st in Greifenreservat for Most Stationary, with 225.59154312132 Days.