The Free Lands of Coffin-Breathe is a gargantuan, cultured nation, ruled by primus inter pares with an even hand, and renowned for its national health service, state-planned economy, and irreverence towards religion. The compassionate population of 23.178 billion Coffin-Breathren are fiercely patriotic and enjoy great social equality; they tend to view other, more capitalist countries as somewhat immoral and corrupt.

The enormous, socially-minded government prioritizes Education, with Environment, Healthcare, and Social Policy also on the agenda, while Spirituality and Defense receive no funds. The average income tax rate is 98.4%.

The frighteningly efficient Coffin-Breathish economy, worth a remarkable 3,702 trillion needlesses a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is highly specialized, is mostly made up of the Book Publishing industry, with significant contributions from Tourism. Average income is an impressive 159,753 needlesses, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Judicial robes are the country's hottest fashion trend, popular cartoon characters frequently appear in government-sponsored PSAs reminding students to say no to drugs, psychiatrists that date patients are congratulated on their romantic conquests, and the Snapgram channel "Embarrassing Baby Primus Inter Pares Pics" has made primus inter pares's mom a celebrity. Crime is totally unknown. Coffin-Breathe's national animal is the homo sapiens, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is there are no gods.

Coffin-Breathe is ranked 203,510^th in the world and 3^rd in Greifenreservat for Highest Crime Rates, with 1.53 Crimes Per Hour.