The Commonwealth of Coffee Bean is a gargantuan, efficient nation, renowned for its frequent executions, irreverence towards religion, and absence of drug laws. The hard-nosed, hard-working population of 25.951 billion Coffee Beanians have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often.

The minute government, or what there is of one, prioritizes Welfare, with Spirituality also on the agenda, while Law & Order and Social Policy aren't funded at all. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Cuppa City. The average income tax rate is 7.0%, but much higher for the wealthy.

The very strong Coffee Beanian economy, worth 685 trillion Beans a year, is driven almost entirely by the private sector, which is quite specialized and led by the Door-to-door Insurance Sales industry, with significant contributions from Basket Weaving, Automobile Manufacturing, and Gambling. Average income is 26,425 Beans, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.3 times as much as the poorest.

An increasing percentage of the population's youth have homosexual parents, Leader has been self-declared as the Most Supreme Magnificent Overlord of Everything You Ever Saw, consumption of cat memes has skyrocketed, and dozens of additional foreign policy specialists have been sent to the country's WA Mission. Crime, especially youth-related, is a problem, probably because of the absence of a police force. Coffee Bean's national animal is the Grinder, which can occasionally be seen sifting through garbage in the nation's cities.

Coffee Bean is ranked 305,292^nd in the world and 679^th in 10000 Islands for Lowest Crime Rates, with 46.33 law-abiding acts per hour.