The Capitalistic Archipelago of Chalian Islands is a gargantuan, cultured nation, ruled by Mack Scrimpton with an even hand, and renowned for its closed borders, otherworldly petting zoo, and absence of drug laws. The hard-nosed, hard-working, humorless population of 30.932 billion Chalians have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often.

The tiny, corrupt government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Industry, and Law & Order. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Robertsville. Income tax is unheard of.

The frighteningly efficient Chalian economy, worth an astonishing 10,609 trillion Calis a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Arms Manufacturing, Uranium Mining, and Retail. Black market activity is notable. Average income is an amazing 342,980 Calis, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.7 times as much as the poorest.

Sales of disinfectant wipes have skyrocketed, politicians' financial records are locked up tighter than the nation's Cali reserves, the WhoTube comments section has gone strangely quiet, and heartbroken parents are urged to "smile for the camera". Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown. Chalian Islands's national animal is the Viper, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its national religion is Chalitian.

Chalian Islands is ranked 345,121^st in the world and 16,581^st in Balder for Nicest Citizens, with 0.12 average smiles per day.