The Armed Republic of Celtician is a gargantuan, orderly nation, ruled by Donn with an iron fist, and notable for its closed borders, frequent executions, and complete lack of prisons. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 18.049 billion Celts are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The large, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government is primarily concerned with Defense, with Education, Industry, and Healthcare also on the agenda. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Tech Duinn. The income tax rate is 100%.

The frighteningly efficient Celticianian economy, worth an astonishing 12,003 trillion Oricalcums a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is an enormous, deeply entrenched, fairly diversified black market in Arms Manufacturing, Information Technology, Book Publishing, and Uranium Mining. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is a breathtaking 665,059 Oricalcums, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 3.7 times as much as the poorest.

Hordes of gardening enthusiasts are being banished from cities nationwide, children as young as twelve are conscripted into the armed forces, lifeguards are more concerned with watching for sharks than struggling swimmers, and citizens who don't recite the Pledge of Celtician at least three times a day are placed on a terrorist watch-list. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, despite the fact that it is difficult to make it through a day without breaking one of the country's many laws. Celtician's national animal is the Wolf, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is The Order of Donn.

Celtician is ranked 2,720^th in the world and 160^th in Lazarus for Largest Welfare Programs, scoring 8,232.36 on the Safety Net Mesh Density Rating.