The Armed Republic of Celtician is a gargantuan, efficient nation, ruled by Donn with an iron fist, and notable for its free-roaming dinosaurs, public floggings, and prohibition of alcohol. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 26.146 billion Celts are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The large, corrupt, moralistic, socially-minded, well-organized government is primarily concerned with Defense, although Education and Industry are also considered important. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Tech Duinn. The income tax rate is 100%.

The frighteningly efficient Celticianian economy, worth an astonishing 22,642 trillion Oricalcums a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is an enormous, deeply entrenched, broadly diversified black market in Arms Manufacturing, Information Technology, Book Publishing, and Uranium Mining. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is a breathtaking 866,002 Oricalcums, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 3.5 times as much as the poorest.

Counselors have to sign pledges supporting gay rights before they can speak to any patients, the people are famous throughout the region for their perfect yellow teeth, commuters travel in zigzags to avoid stalking accusations, and scientists regularly clone human beings for research purposes. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Celtician's national animal is the Wolf, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is The Order of Donn.

Celtician is ranked 309,008^th in the world and 10,210^th in Lazarus for Most Primitive, scoring -747.34 on the Scary Big Number Scale.