by Max Barry

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Most Advanced Public Transport: 14th Most Advanced Defense Forces: 27th Lowest Crime Rates: 37th
The Armed Republic of
Psychotic Dictatorship
Dílis go Bás
Donn
Influence
Shoeshiner
Region
Civil Rights
Unheard Of
Economy
Frightening
Political Freedom
Outlawed

Overview Policies People Government Economy Rank Trend Cards

Celtician

Population18.049 billion

CapitalTech Duinn
LeaderDonn
FaithThe Order of Donn

CurrencyOricalcum
AnimalWolf

The Armed Republic of Celtician is a gargantuan, orderly nation, ruled by Donn with an iron fist, and notable for its closed borders, frequent executions, and complete lack of prisons. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 18.049 billion Celts are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The large, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government is primarily concerned with Defense, with Education, Industry, and Healthcare also on the agenda. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Tech Duinn. The income tax rate is 100%.

The frighteningly efficient Celticianian economy, worth an astonishing 12,003 trillion Oricalcums a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is an enormous, deeply entrenched, fairly diversified black market in Arms Manufacturing, Information Technology, Book Publishing, and Uranium Mining. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is a breathtaking 665,059 Oricalcums, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 3.7 times as much as the poorest.

Hordes of gardening enthusiasts are being banished from cities nationwide, children as young as twelve are conscripted into the armed forces, lifeguards are more concerned with watching for sharks than struggling swimmers, and citizens who don't recite the Pledge of Celtician at least three times a day are placed on a terrorist watch-list. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, despite the fact that it is difficult to make it through a day without breaking one of the country's many laws. Celtician's national animal is the Wolf, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is The Order of Donn.

Celtician is ranked 2,720th in the world and 160th in Lazarus for Largest Welfare Programs, scoring 8,232.36 on the Safety Net Mesh Density Rating.

Top
1%
Most Advanced Public Transport: 14thMost Advanced Defense Forces: 27thLowest Crime Rates: 37thMost Extensive Public Healthcare: 41stLargest Governments: 45thMost Corrupt Governments: 49thLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 51stHighest Average Tax Rates: 52ndHighest Foreign Aid Spending: 57thMost Subsidized Industry: 57thLargest Black Market: 69thHighest Average Incomes: 74thLargest Manufacturing Sector: 91stMost Advanced Public Education: 101stHighest Poor Incomes: 161stMost Eco-Friendly Governments: 186thLargest Information Technology Sector: 212thHighest Economic Output: 222ndSmartest Citizens: 318thLargest Basket Weaving Sector: 420thMost Popular Tourist Destinations: 507thHighest Wealthy Incomes: 810thLargest Publishing Industry: 861stMost Beautiful Environments: 1,330thLargest Trout Fishing Sector: 1,368thLargest Mining Sector: 1,536thTop
5%
Most Cultured: 1,759thMost Devout: 1,907thMost Efficient Economies: 1,965thLargest Welfare Programs: 2,720thLargest Furniture Restoration Industry: 3,000thMost Authoritarian: 4,005thLargest Cheese Export Sector: 4,639thMost Stationary: 6,554thLargest Populations: 6,554thMost Scientifically Advanced: 6,944thTop
10%
Most Conservative: 7,808thMost Advanced Law Enforcement: 9,426thMost Extreme: 9,685thMost Influential: 10,657thMost Developed: 12,042nd
Top
1%
Lowest Crime Rates: 1st in the regionMost Advanced Public Transport: 1st in the regionLargest Governments: 1st in the regionHighest Foreign Aid Spending: 2nd in the regionLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 2nd in the regionMost Extensive Public Healthcare: 2nd in the regionHighest Average Tax Rates: 2nd in the regionHighest Poor Incomes: 3rd in the regionHighest Average Incomes: 3rd in the regionMost Advanced Public Education: 3rd in the regionMost Subsidized Industry: 3rd in the regionLargest Manufacturing Sector: 3rd in the regionMost Advanced Defense Forces: 3rd in the regionMost Eco-Friendly Governments: 4th in the regionMost Corrupt Governments: 4th in the regionLargest Black Market: 5th in the regionHighest Economic Output: 6th in the regionSmartest Citizens: 6th in the regionLargest Information Technology Sector: 8th in the regionMost Popular Tourist Destinations: 15th in the regionLargest Basket Weaving Sector: 21st in the regionLargest Publishing Industry: 32nd in the regionHighest Wealthy Incomes: 46th in the regionMost Beautiful Environments: 55th in the regionTop
5%
Most Cultured: 73rd in the regionLargest Trout Fishing Sector: 80th in the regionLargest Mining Sector: 94th in the regionMost Authoritarian: 96th in the regionMost Stationary: 105th in the regionMost Devout: 108th in the regionMost Efficient Economies: 108th in the regionLargest Welfare Programs: 160th in the regionMost Extreme: 161st in the regionLargest Furniture Restoration Industry: 173rd in the regionLargest Populations: 190th in the regionLargest Cheese Export Sector: 230th in the regionMost Conservative: 281st in the regionTop
10%
Most Influential: 314th in the regionMost Scientifically Advanced: 337th in the region

National Happenings

Most Recent Government Activity:

  • : Following new legislation in Celtician, citizens who don't recite the Pledge of Celtician at least three times a day are placed on a terrorist watch-list.
  • : Following new legislation in Celtician, lifeguards are more concerned with watching for sharks than struggling swimmers.
  • : Following new legislation in Celtician, children as young as twelve are conscripted into the armed forces.
  • : Following new legislation in Celtician, hordes of gardening enthusiasts are being banished from cities nationwide.
  • : Following new legislation in Celtician, the nation is automatically assumed to be the source of all unmarked weapons.
  • : Following new legislation in Celtician, hidden bedroom-cams are installed to catch mothers doing their kids' homework.
  • : Following new legislation in Celtician, suspicious glow-in-the-dark wasps remain a source of terror and awe.
  • : Following new legislation in Celtician, the people are famous throughout the region for their bleached-white teeth.
  • : Following new legislation in Celtician, people say chess victor Donn can kill you with mind-bullets.
  • : Following new legislation in Celtician, foreign governments are looking into weaponizing the infamous Celticianian bee.

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