The Armed Republic of Celtician is a gargantuan, efficient nation, ruled by Donn with an iron fist, and renowned for its ban on automobiles, otherworldly petting zoo, and devotion to social welfare. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 29.388 billion Celts are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The large, corrupt, moralistic, socially-minded, well-organized government is primarily concerned with Defense, although Education and Industry are also considered important. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Tech Duinn. The income tax rate is 100%.

The frighteningly efficient Celticianian economy, worth an astonishing 26,417 trillion Oricalcums a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is an enormous, deeply entrenched, broadly diversified black market in Arms Manufacturing, Information Technology, Book Publishing, and Uranium Mining. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is a breathtaking 898,911 Oricalcums, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Anti-vaxxers claim that injected children are prone to psychotic breaks when they see the 'Queen of Diamonds' playing card, commuters are denied boarding for attempting to bring packed lunches onto trains, Celtician is increasingly belligerent on the international stage, and infantry are nicknamed "mushrooms" because they get fed crap and are left in the dark. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Celtician's national animal is the Wolf, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is The Order of Donn.

Celtician is ranked 34^th in the world and 1^st in Lazarus for Highest Average Incomes, with 898,911.56 Standard Monetary Units.