The Socialist Literary Society of Cellar Doors is a massive, genial nation, ruled by Mithrandir with an even hand, and notable for its rum-swilling pirates, ubiquitous missile silos, and punitive income tax rates. The compassionate, democratic population of 2.387 billion Cellar Doorsians enjoy extensive civil rights and enjoy a level of social equality free from the usual accompanying government corruption.

The enormous, socially-minded government prioritizes Education, with Healthcare, Environment, and Administration also on the agenda, while Spirituality and Defense aren't funded at all. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Arda. The average income tax rate is 80.8%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The strong Cellar Doorsian economy, worth 173 trillion Tolkiens a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is quite specialized, is dominated by the Information Technology industry, with significant contributions from Book Publishing, Beef-Based Agriculture, and Tourism. Average income is 72,676 Tolkiens, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Children's daycare starts at the crack of dawn, doctors prescribe videos of political debates to patients with insomnia, citizens are less concerned with policy and more concerned with whether politicians "call 'em like they see 'em", and tradesmen will knock 10% off their fees if customers pay cash. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Cellar Doors's national animal is the Giant Eagle, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies.

Cellar Doors is ranked 132,700^th in the world and 4,669^th in The East Pacific for Largest Insurance Industry, scoring 432.05 on the Risk Expulsion Effectiveness Rating.