The Socialist Literary Society of Cellar Doors is a massive, socially progressive nation, ruled by Mithrandir with a fair hand, and notable for its sprawling nuclear power plants, keen interest in outer space, and punitive income tax rates. The compassionate, democratic population of 3.569 billion Cellar Doorsians are free to do what they want with their own bodies, and vote for whomever they like in elections; if they go into business, however, they are regulated to within an inch of their lives.

The enormous, liberal, socially-minded government prioritizes Education, although Environment, Administration, and Healthcare are also considered important, while Defense and Spirituality aren't funded at all. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Arda. The average income tax rate is 90.4%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The thriving Cellar Doorsian economy, worth 335 trillion Tolkiens a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is highly specialized, is mostly made up of the Information Technology industry, with significant contributions from Book Publishing, Tourism, and Beef-Based Agriculture. Average income is 94,024 Tolkiens, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Catherine Gratwick's campaign support is considered seminal, bars are packed at all hours, a child's only Trickster Night scare is the sight of their parents dancing, and fifteen-year-olds cannot walk younger siblings to school without a professional Childcare and Education Certificate. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Cellar Doors's national animal is the Giant Eagle, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies.

Cellar Doors is ranked 223,663^rd in the world and 7,872^nd in The East Pacific for Highest Unexpected Death Rate, scoring 20.72 on the Bus Surprisal Index.