The Republic of Card Farmer 960 is a colossal, orderly nation, renowned for its ubiquitous missile silos, ritual sacrifices, and zero percent divorce rate. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 5.087 billion Card Farmer 960ians are ruled by a mostly-benevolent dictator, who grants the populace the freedom to live their own lives but watches carefully for anyone to slip up.

The medium-sized, corrupt government juggles the competing demands of Industry, Law & Order, and Defense. The average income tax rate is 70.4%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Card Farmer 960ian economy, worth 746 trillion cards a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with significant contributions from Information Technology, Uranium Mining, and Beef-Based Agriculture. Black market activity is extensive. Average income is an impressive 146,758 cards, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.7 times as much as the poorest.

Children spend all morning taking out a comma and all afternoon putting it back in again, the government regrets to say that it is forced to make cuts to citizens, frequent fliers are obliged to submit to invasive security procedures by government security, and clergy who start talking about politics are forced to take a holy vow of silence. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Card Farmer 960's national animal is the farming, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation.

Card Farmer 960 is ranked 35,903^rd in the world and 1,162^nd in Birb for Smartest Citizens, with 44.03 quips per hour.