The Armed Republic of Captina Island is a colossal, efficient nation, ruled by The Chairman with an iron fist, and remarkable for its national health service, ubiquitous missile silos, and stringent health and safety legislation. The compassionate, hard-working, cynical population of 6.155 billion Captinians are ruled by a mostly-benevolent dictator, who grants the populace the freedom to live their own lives but watches carefully for anyone to slip up.

The medium-sized, corrupt, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Education, Law & Order, and Administration. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Big Flint. The average income tax rate is 32.5%.

The powerhouse Captinian economy, worth 545 trillion crowns a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Tourism industry, with major contributions from Trout Farming, Basket Weaving, and Uranium Mining. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is 88,629 crowns, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 3.8 times as much as the poorest.

The government puts forth the claim that harming young girls is wrong, the nation's smallest peacockball teams trade draft picks for a free lunch, it is illegal to distribute Girl Guide Cookies without an advanced food hygiene diploma, and student exchange programs are in trouble as everyone wants to leave but no-one wants to come. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Captina Island's national animal is the peacock, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Economic Episcopal.

Captina Island is ranked 76,386^th in the world and 42^nd in Rushmore for Most Extensive Public Healthcare, scoring 2,400.87 on the Theresa-Nightingale Rating.