The Substitutiary Locomotion of Captain Woodhouse is a gargantuan, cultured nation, ruled by T J Eckleburg with an iron fist, and remarkable for its deadly medical pandemics, infamous sell-swords, and public floggings. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless population of 22.596 billion Captain Woodhouseans are rabid consumers, partly through choice and partly because the government tells them to and dissenters tend to vanish from their homes at night.

The tiny, corrupt, pro-business, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Industry, and Education. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of The Valley of Ashes. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 1.3%.

The frighteningly efficient Captain Woodhousean economy, worth a remarkable 7,982 trillion $$s a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with major contributions from Retail, Information Technology, and Gambling. Average income is an amazing 353,269 $$s, but there is a vast disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 3,061,365 per year while the poor average 6,561, a ratio of 466 to 1.

Children often kick Death's-head hawkmoths for amusement, the government's fruit business reeks of rotting produce and corruption, the government keeps introducing new foreign species to combat the previous ones it has introduced, and whenever pilots have to bail out the government bails out their company. Crime, especially youth-related, is all-pervasive, perhaps because of the country's complete lack of prisons. Captain Woodhouse's national animal is the Death's-head hawkmoth, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Aubrey-Maturinism.

Captain Woodhouse is ranked 1,077^th in the world and 1^st in BLITZKRIEG for Most Patriotic, with 89.03 flags saluted per person per day.