The RumRunners of Captain Morgan II is a gargantuan, orderly nation, notable for its barren, inhospitable landscape, complete lack of prisons, and keen interest in outer space. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless population of 46.91 billion Captains are rabid consumers, partly through choice and partly because the government tells them to and dissenters tend to vanish from their homes at night.

The tiny, well-organized government is effectively ruled by the Department of Defense, although Law & Order is also considered important, while Social Policy and Education are ignored. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 2.5%.

The frighteningly efficient Captain Morgan economy, worth a remarkable 8,251 trillion Barrel of Spiced Rums a year, is driven almost entirely by the private sector, which is broadly diversified and led by the Uranium Mining industry, with major contributions from Arms Manufacturing, Gambling, and Soda Sales. Average income is an impressive 175,899 Barrel of Spiced Rums, but there is a significant disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 546,698 per year while the poor average 43,537, a ratio of 12.6 to 1.

Angst-filled teenagers are rushing off to buy government bonds for some odd reason, voting has become a nightmare since everyone keeps selecting "None of the above", membership in the state-owned Church of Captain Morgan II is mandatory and all other faith organisations are banned, and the police have been reduced to using duct tape instead of handcuffs following further cutbacks. Crime is a serious problem, perhaps because of the country's complete lack of prisons. Captain Morgan II's national animal is the Bilge Rat, which is also the nation's favorite main course.

Captain Morgan II is ranked 245,160^th in the world and 71^st in Texas for Safest, scoring 25.87 on the Bubble-Rapp Safety Rating.