by Max Barry

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Most Avoided: 569th Fattest Citizens: 578th Highest Unexpected Death Rate: 594th
The Moves like Jagger of
Corporate Police State
Itís Modelo time foo
Barack Obama
Civil Rights
Unheard Of
Political Freedom

Overview Factbook Dispatches Policies People Government Economy Rank Trend Cards

Captain Lard

Population2.624 billion

Capitalmy bedroom
LeaderBarack Obama
FaithParty Rockin

Currencybroken glass shard

The Moves like Jagger of Captain Lard is a massive, orderly nation, ruled by Barack Obama with an iron fist, and remarkable for its keen interest in outer space, complete absence of social welfare, and spontaneously combusting cars. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless population of 2.624 billion holes in the wall are ruled with an iron fist by the corrupt, dictatorship government, which oppresses anyone who isn't on the board of a Fortune 500 company. Large corporations tend to be above the law, and use their financial clout to gain ever-increasing government benefits at the expense of the poor and unemployed.

The tiny, corrupt, moralistic, pro-business, well-organized government prioritizes Defense, although Industry, Law & Order, and Education are also considered important, while Environment and Welfare receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of my bedroom. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 6.6%.

The frighteningly efficient Unfollowed economy, worth 676 trillion broken glass shards a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Retail, Arms Manufacturing, and Uranium Mining. Black market activity is frequent. Average income is an amazing 257,739 broken glass shards, but there is a large disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 1,231,625 per year while the poor average 31,629, a ratio of 38.9 to 1.

Captain Lard Barrier Island residents anxiously await their 'Bridge to Somewhere', it's considered a civil right to be allowed to neglect and mistreat your own children, anti-vaxxers claim that injected children are prone to psychotic breaks when they see the 'Queen of Diamonds' playing card, and terrified tympanists are finding themselves on the front lines armed only with kettledrums. Crime is a major problem, with the police force struggling against a lack of funding and a high mortality rate. Captain Lard's national animal is the heathen, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Party Rockin.

Captain Lard is ranked 8,307th in the world and 10th in Lardyland for Lowest Overall Tax Burden, scoring 124.01 on the Hayek Index.

Most Avoided: 569thFattest Citizens: 578thHighest Unexpected Death Rate: 594thLargest Retail Industry: 724thHighest Wealthy Incomes: 831stLargest Timber Woodchipping Industry: 951stMost Secular: 957thMost Armed: 959thLargest Pizza Delivery Sector: 976thLargest Insurance Industry: 1,053rdHighest Disposable Incomes: 1,087thMost Corrupt Governments: 1,285thLargest Mining Sector: 1,409thTop
Rudest Citizens: 1,739thLargest Gambling Industry: 2,501stHighest Average Incomes: 2,586thMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 2,675thLargest Furniture Restoration Industry: 2,899thLargest Soda Pop Sector: 2,904thLargest Automobile Manufacturing Sector: 3,292ndLargest Manufacturing Sector: 3,515thHighest Crime Rates: 3,528thLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 4,005thMost Scientifically Advanced: 4,108thNudest: 4,432ndMost Advanced Defense Forces: 4,523rdLargest Information Technology Sector: 5,290thMost Subsidized Industry: 7,314thLargest Black Market: 7,323rdLowest Overall Tax Burden: 8,307thTop
Most Conservative: 9,188thGreatest Rich-Poor Divides: 9,296thMost Efficient Economies: 10,053rdLargest Governments: 12,616thLargest Agricultural Sector: 13,960th
Highest Disposable Incomes: 1st in the regionHighest Average Incomes: 1st in the regionLargest Insurance Industry: 1st in the regionHighest Wealthy Incomes: 1st in the regionMost Advanced Defense Forces: 1st in the regionLargest Timber Woodchipping Industry: 1st in the regionMost Scientifically Advanced: 1st in the regionLargest Automobile Manufacturing Sector: 1st in the regionLargest Pizza Delivery Sector: 1st in the regionLargest Information Technology Sector: 1st in the regionLargest Furniture Restoration Industry: 1st in the regionMost Avoided: 1st in the regionLargest Mining Sector: 1st in the regionMost Secular: 1st in the regionHighest Unexpected Death Rate: 1st in the regionMost Armed: 1st in the regionFattest Citizens: 1st in the regionMost Corrupt Governments: 1st in the regionRudest Citizens: 2nd in the regionLargest Retail Industry: 2nd in the regionTop
Most Politically Apathetic Citizens: 3rd in the regionLargest Soda Pop Sector: 3rd in the regionHighest Economic Output: 3rd in the regionLargest Governments: 3rd in the regionLargest Black Market: 3rd in the regionMost Subsidized Industry: 4th in the regionLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 5th in the regionSmartest Citizens: 5th in the regionLargest Manufacturing Sector: 5th in the regionLargest Gambling Industry: 6th in the regionMost Efficient Economies: 6th in the regionNudest: 7th in the regionLargest Agricultural Sector: 8th in the regionHighest Crime Rates: 8th in the regionMost Influential: 9th in the regionMost Conservative: 10th in the regionLowest Overall Tax Burden: 10th in the regionGreatest Rich-Poor Divides: 10th in the regionTop
Most Developed: 13th in the regionMost Extreme: 15th in the regionLargest Populations: 16th in the regionMost Advanced Public Education: 16th in the regionMost Advanced Law Enforcement: 16th in the regionMost Pro-Market: 20th in the region

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