by Max Barry

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Largest Timber Woodchipping Industry: 1,909th Most Avoided: 2,089th Highest Unexpected Death Rate: 2,134th
The Off-Brand Canned Meat of
Corporate Police State
Racism is Whack
Civil Rights
Unheard Of
Political Freedom
Unheard Of

Overview Factbook Dispatches Policies People Government Economy Rank Trend Deck

Captain Lard

Population943 million

CapitalCapital City


The Off-Brand Canned Meat of Captain Lard is a huge, orderly nation, ruled by Blue with an iron fist, and renowned for its closed borders, pith helmet sales, and free-roaming dinosaurs. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless population of 943 million Slaves are ruled with an iron fist by the corrupt, dictatorship government, which oppresses anyone who isn't on the board of a Fortune 500 company. Large corporations tend to be above the law, and use their financial clout to gain ever-increasing government benefits at the expense of the poor and unemployed.

The relatively small, corrupt, moralistic, pro-business, well-organized government is primarily concerned with Defense, with Law & Order, Industry, and Administration also on the agenda, while Environment and Welfare are ignored. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Capital City. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 11.4%.

The frighteningly efficient Captain Lardian economy, worth 131 trillion Dollars a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Retail, Uranium Mining, and Woodchip Exports. Black market activity is frequent. Average income is an impressive 139,280 Dollars, but there is a large disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 603,749 per year while the poor average 20,403, a ratio of 29.6 to 1.

Former arms manufacturing CEOs are now delivering food for minimum wage, mostly women are seen and not heard, Blue can often be found attempting to coax random citizens' cats down from trees, and the restriction that you must be over 1.1 metres tall to ride a carnotaurus has recently been waived. Crime is a problem, possibly because it is difficult to make it through a day without breaking one of the country's many regulations. Captain Lard's national animal is the Jesus, which is also the nation's favorite main course.

Captain Lard is ranked 3,409th in the world and 5th in Lardyland for Largest Gambling Industry, scoring 12,242.89 on the Kelly Criterion Productivity Index.

Largest Timber Woodchipping Industry: 1,909thMost Avoided: 2,089thHighest Unexpected Death Rate: 2,134thMost Secular: 2,553rdLargest Mining Sector: 2,818thFattest Citizens: 3,007thLargest Pizza Delivery Sector: 3,403rdLargest Gambling Industry: 3,409thNudest: 3,785thHighest Wealthy Incomes: 4,019thLargest Retail Industry: 4,525thHighest Disposable Incomes: 4,758thMost Corrupt Governments: 5,164thTop
Most Pro-Market: 8,129thMost Conservative: 8,160thLargest Automobile Manufacturing Sector: 8,244thMost Armed: 9,495thMost Extreme: 9,782ndGreatest Rich-Poor Divides: 9,894thMost Advanced Defense Forces: 11,556thHighest Crime Rates: 12,286thMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 13,107thLargest Information Technology Sector: 13,203rdRudest Citizens: 14,880thHighest Average Incomes: 15,082nd
Most Advanced Law Enforcement: 1st in the regionMost Secular: 1st in the regionTop
Most Advanced Defense Forces: 2nd in the regionLargest Timber Woodchipping Industry: 2nd in the regionMost Avoided: 2nd in the regionLargest Information Technology Sector: 2nd in the regionHighest Unexpected Death Rate: 2nd in the regionLargest Mining Sector: 2nd in the regionMost Corrupt Governments: 2nd in the regionMost Pro-Market: 2nd in the regionNudest: 3rd in the regionMost Developed: 3rd in the regionLargest Black Market: 3rd in the region

National Happenings

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