by Max Barry

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Most Avoided: 1,023rd Highest Wealthy Incomes: 1,029th Highest Unexpected Death Rate: 1,038th
Corporate Police State
Yo this is a hella motto
John the Baptist
Civil Rights
Political Freedom
Unheard Of

Overview Factbook Dispatches Policies People Government Economy Rank Trend Deck

Captain Lard

Population1.633 billion

CapitalDisney World
LeaderJohn the Baptist
FaithThe Gospel of Ben Shapiro


The LEFT BRAIN GANG of Captain Lard is a massive, orderly nation, ruled by John the Baptist with an iron fist, and notable for its pith helmet sales, ubiquitous missile silos, and zero percent divorce rate. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless population of 1.633 billion Lardlings are ruled with an iron fist by the corrupt, dictatorship government, which oppresses anyone who isn't on the board of a Fortune 500 company. Large corporations tend to be above the law, and use their financial clout to gain ever-increasing government benefits at the expense of the poor and unemployed.

The relatively small, corrupt, moralistic, pro-business, well-organized government is primarily concerned with Defense, although Industry, Law & Order, and Education are also considered important, while Environment and Welfare receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Disney World. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 16.1%.

The frighteningly efficient AWESOME economy, worth 360 trillion spittoons a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Retail, Arms Manufacturing, and Uranium Mining. Black market activity is rampant. Average income is an amazing 220,916 spittoons, but there is an enormous disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 1,163,726 per year while the poor average 22,348, a ratio of 52.1 to 1.

The contraband cigarette trade is lighting up across Captain Lard, consumption of cat memes has skyrocketed, mournful opera fans place bouquets of roses at a 3000 capacity parking lot, and citizens are barcoded to keep track of their movements. Crime is a serious problem, with the police force struggling against a lack of funding and a high mortality rate. Captain Lard's national animal is the Jesus, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is The Gospel of Ben Shapiro.

Captain Lard is ranked 5,328th in the world and 4th in Lardyland for Largest Manufacturing Sector, scoring 34,285.13 on the Gooback-Jerbs Productivity Index.

Most Avoided: 1,023rdHighest Wealthy Incomes: 1,029thHighest Unexpected Death Rate: 1,038thLargest Pizza Delivery Sector: 1,068thLargest Timber Woodchipping Industry: 1,075thFattest Citizens: 1,132ndMost Armed: 1,344thMost Secular: 1,581stLargest Retail Industry: 1,635thTop
Largest Mining Sector: 1,838thMost Corrupt Governments: 2,036thHighest Disposable Incomes: 2,085thLargest Insurance Industry: 2,179thLargest Gambling Industry: 2,455thLargest Automobile Manufacturing Sector: 3,694thRudest Citizens: 3,756thNudest: 3,965thHighest Average Incomes: 4,062ndMost Advanced Defense Forces: 5,165thLargest Manufacturing Sector: 5,328thMost Conservative: 5,359thLargest Furniture Restoration Industry: 5,716thLargest Black Market: 6,067thLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 6,227thMost Scientifically Advanced: 6,338thLargest Information Technology Sector: 6,519thMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 6,701stLargest Soda Pop Sector: 7,161stGreatest Rich-Poor Divides: 8,019thTop
Most Efficient Economies: 10,509thMost Extreme: 10,961stMost Pro-Market: 11,213thMost Subsidized Industry: 11,810thHighest Crime Rates: 13,259th
Highest Disposable Incomes: 1st in the regionHighest Wealthy Incomes: 1st in the regionHighest Unexpected Death Rate: 1st in the regionLargest Pizza Delivery Sector: 1st in the regionMost Secular: 1st in the regionLargest Black Market: 1st in the regionMost Stationary: 1st in the regionMost Avoided: 1st in the regionMost Armed: 1st in the regionLargest Timber Woodchipping Industry: 1st in the regionLargest Insurance Industry: 1st in the regionMost Advanced Defense Forces: 1st in the regionLargest Mining Sector: 1st in the regionLargest Information Technology Sector: 1st in the regionFattest Citizens: 1st in the regionHighest Average Incomes: 1st in the regionMost Scientifically Advanced: 1st in the regionTop
Largest Furniture Restoration Industry: 2nd in the regionLargest Retail Industry: 2nd in the regionMost Corrupt Governments: 2nd in the regionLargest Governments: 3rd in the regionMost Efficient Economies: 3rd in the regionLargest Automobile Manufacturing Sector: 3rd in the regionHighest Economic Output: 3rd in the regionRudest Citizens: 3rd in the regionLargest Gambling Industry: 3rd in the regionMost Subsidized Industry: 4th in the regionLargest Manufacturing Sector: 4th in the regionMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 5th in the regionLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 5th in the regionSmartest Citizens: 5th in the regionNudest: 6th in the regionMost Conservative: 7th in the regionMost Developed: 8th in the regionTop
Most Influential: 9th in the regionLargest Agricultural Sector: 10th in the regionLargest Soda Pop Sector: 11th in the regionMost Advanced Public Education: 13th in the regionMost Advanced Law Enforcement: 14th in the region

National Happenings

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