by Max Barry

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Fattest Citizens: 663rd Highest Unexpected Death Rate: 711th Most Avoided: 721st
The Qqfcrumfdsfcjbudebuxdeiubdcf of
Corporate Police State
Racism is Whack
Minecraft Steve
Civil Rights
Political Freedom

Overview Factbook Dispatches Policies People Government Economy Rank Trend Cards

Captain Lard

Population2.054 billion

CapitalDisney World
LeaderMinecraft Steve
FaithThe Gospel of Ben Shapiro


The Qqfcrumfdsfcjbudebuxdeiubdcf of Captain Lard is a massive, orderly nation, ruled by Minecraft Steve with an iron fist, and renowned for its closed borders, parental licensing program, and compulsory military service. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless population of 2.054 billion Lardlings are ruled with an iron fist by the corrupt, dictatorship government, which oppresses anyone who isn't on the board of a Fortune 500 company. Large corporations tend to be above the law, and use their financial clout to gain ever-increasing government benefits at the expense of the poor and unemployed.

The tiny, corrupt, moralistic, pro-business, well-organized government is primarily concerned with Defense, with Industry, Education, and Law & Order also on the agenda, while Environment and Welfare are ignored. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Disney World. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 7.9%.

The frighteningly efficient AWESOME economy, worth 500 trillion spittoons a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Retail, Arms Manufacturing, and Uranium Mining. Black market activity is extensive. Average income is an amazing 243,744 spittoons, but there is a large disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 1,140,313 per year while the poor average 31,124, a ratio of 36.6 to 1.

The bonfire of the old paper records can be seen for miles around Disney World, teenagers stay out into the wee hours of the morning "stargazing", self-driving cars occasionally mow down pedestrians to avoid inconveniencing passengers, and search and rescue forces now accept cheques and all major credit cards. Crime is pervasive, perhaps because of the country's complete lack of prisons. Captain Lard's national animal is the Jesus, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is The Gospel of Ben Shapiro.

Captain Lard is ranked 4,569th in the world and 2nd in Lardyland for Most Scientifically Advanced, scoring 538.96 on the Kurzweil Singularity Index.

Fattest Citizens: 663rdHighest Unexpected Death Rate: 711thMost Avoided: 721stLargest Retail Industry: 989thMost Armed: 1,010thLargest Timber Woodchipping Industry: 1,036thHighest Wealthy Incomes: 1,053rdLargest Pizza Delivery Sector: 1,095thMost Secular: 1,129thHighest Disposable Incomes: 1,319thLargest Mining Sector: 1,373rdMost Corrupt Governments: 1,460thLargest Insurance Industry: 1,522ndTop
Rudest Citizens: 2,205thMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 2,459thLargest Gambling Industry: 2,527thLargest Automobile Manufacturing Sector: 2,887thHighest Average Incomes: 2,979thLargest Soda Pop Sector: 3,008thHighest Crime Rates: 3,093rdLargest Furniture Restoration Industry: 3,869thNudest: 4,035thLargest Manufacturing Sector: 4,277thMost Scientifically Advanced: 4,569thMost Advanced Defense Forces: 4,906thLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 5,151stLargest Information Technology Sector: 5,454thLargest Black Market: 7,167thTop
Greatest Rich-Poor Divides: 9,391stMost Subsidized Industry: 9,399thMost Efficient Economies: 10,304thLargest Governments: 15,494thLargest Agricultural Sector: 16,422nd
Largest Pizza Delivery Sector: 1st in the regionMost Avoided: 1st in the regionMost Advanced Defense Forces: 1st in the regionHighest Unexpected Death Rate: 1st in the regionMost Armed: 1st in the regionLargest Timber Woodchipping Industry: 1st in the regionMost Corrupt Governments: 1st in the regionLargest Insurance Industry: 1st in the regionLargest Mining Sector: 1st in the regionFattest Citizens: 1st in the regionHighest Average Incomes: 1st in the regionRudest Citizens: 1st in the regionHighest Disposable Incomes: 1st in the regionTop
Largest Automobile Manufacturing Sector: 2nd in the regionMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 2nd in the regionMost Secular: 2nd in the regionLargest Black Market: 2nd in the regionHighest Wealthy Incomes: 2nd in the regionLargest Information Technology Sector: 2nd in the regionLargest Furniture Restoration Industry: 2nd in the regionMost Scientifically Advanced: 2nd in the regionLargest Retail Industry: 2nd in the regionLargest Soda Pop Sector: 3rd in the regionLargest Manufacturing Sector: 4th in the regionHighest Economic Output: 4th in the regionMost Subsidized Industry: 4th in the regionLargest Governments: 4th in the regionMost Efficient Economies: 4th in the regionLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 5th in the regionLargest Agricultural Sector: 5th in the regionNudest: 5th in the regionLargest Gambling Industry: 5th in the regionTop
Smartest Citizens: 6th in the regionHighest Crime Rates: 7th in the regionGreatest Rich-Poor Divides: 8th in the regionMost Conservative: 9th in the regionMost Influential: 10th in the regionMost Extreme: 10th in the region

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