by Max Barry

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Most Avoided: 2,398th Highest Unexpected Death Rate: 2,500th Largest Timber Woodchipping Industry: 2,617th
The Memes before 2013 of
Corporate Police State
Racism is Whack
Civil Rights
Political Freedom

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Captain Lard

Population601 million



The Memes before 2013 of Captain Lard is a huge, orderly nation, remarkable for its deadly medical pandemics, keen interest in outer space, and compulsory military service. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless population of 601 million Slaves are ruled with an iron fist by the corrupt, dictatorship government, which oppresses anyone who isn't on the board of a Fortune 500 company. Large corporations tend to be above the law, and use their financial clout to gain ever-increasing government benefits at the expense of the poor and unemployed.

The tiny, corrupt, moralistic, pro-business, well-organized government is primarily concerned with Defense, with Law & Order, Industry, and Administration also on the agenda, while Environment and Welfare receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of McDonalds. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 7.7%.

The frighteningly efficient Captain Lardian economy, worth 85.8 trillion despacitoes a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with major contributions from Information Technology, Retail, and Uranium Mining. Average income is an impressive 142,774 despacitoes, but there is a large disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 622,931 per year while the poor average 20,678, a ratio of 30.1 to 1.

Art criticism in Captain Lard is scathingly destructive, legions of police officers force people to move into massive urban apartments, adultery has been made a capital offence, and chrome-clad space marines are such stuff that dreams are made on. Crime is a serious problem, possibly because it is difficult to make it through a day without breaking one of the country's many regulations. Captain Lard's national animal is the Jesus, which is also the nation's favorite main course.

Captain Lard is ranked 16,410th in the world and 3rd in Lardyland for Most Scientifically Advanced, scoring 295.33 on the Kurzweil Singularity Index.

Most Avoided: 2,398thHighest Unexpected Death Rate: 2,500thLargest Timber Woodchipping Industry: 2,617thLargest Mining Sector: 3,513thMost Secular: 3,643rdFattest Citizens: 3,794thHighest Wealthy Incomes: 3,899thLargest Gambling Industry: 4,162ndNudest: 4,169thHighest Disposable Incomes: 4,453rdMost Armed: 5,354thLargest Retail Industry: 5,848thMost Corrupt Governments: 6,355thMost Pro-Market: 7,271stLargest Pizza Delivery Sector: 7,451stLargest Manufacturing Sector: 8,040thTop
Most Extreme: 8,384thLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 8,459thGreatest Rich-Poor Divides: 10,443rdLargest Automobile Manufacturing Sector: 10,486thHighest Crime Rates: 10,600thHighest Average Incomes: 14,465thMost Advanced Defense Forces: 15,580thLargest Information Technology Sector: 16,006thMost Scientifically Advanced: 16,410th
Most Secular: 1st in the regionLargest Timber Woodchipping Industry: 1st in the regionLargest Mining Sector: 1st in the regionMost Advanced Defense Forces: 2nd in the regionLargest Information Technology Sector: 2nd in the regionLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 2nd in the regionHighest Disposable Incomes: 2nd in the regionHighest Unexpected Death Rate: 2nd in the regionMost Avoided: 2nd in the regionHighest Average Incomes: 2nd in the regionMost Corrupt Governments: 2nd in the regionTop
Highest Wealthy Incomes: 3rd in the regionMost Efficient Economies: 3rd in the regionNudest: 3rd in the regionMost Scientifically Advanced: 3rd in the regionLargest Manufacturing Sector: 3rd in the regionMost Extreme: 3rd in the regionMost Pro-Market: 4th in the regionLargest Automobile Manufacturing Sector: 4th in the regionLargest Retail Industry: 4th in the regionLargest Gambling Industry: 4th in the regionMost Conservative: 4th in the regionFattest Citizens: 4th in the regionMost Armed: 4th in the regionMost Developed: 5th in the regionLargest Pizza Delivery Sector: 5th in the region

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