by Max Barry

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Largest Timber Woodchipping Industry: 1,324th Highest Unexpected Death Rate: 1,391st Most Avoided: 1,398th
The Cool dude 😎 of
Corporate Police State
강남스타일 오-오-오-오 오빤강남스타일
Civil Rights
Unheard Of
Political Freedom

Overview Factbook Dispatches Policies People Government Economy Rank Trend Deck

Captain Lard

Population1.334 billion

CapitalOflahoma City
LeaderBuford Van Stomm
FaithThe Gospel of Ben Shapiro


The Cool dude 😎 of Captain Lard is a massive, orderly nation, ruled by Buford Van Stomm with an iron fist, and renowned for its otherworldly petting zoo, parental licensing program, and enslaved workforce. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless population of 1.334 billion Slaves are ruled with an iron fist by the corrupt, dictatorship government, which oppresses anyone who isn't on the board of a Fortune 500 company. Large corporations tend to be above the law, and use their financial clout to gain ever-increasing government benefits at the expense of the poor and unemployed.

The tiny, corrupt, moralistic, pro-business government is primarily concerned with Defense, with Industry, Administration, and Law & Order also on the agenda, while Environment and Welfare receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Oflahoma City. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 12.0%.

The frighteningly efficient Captain Lardian economy, worth 248 trillion cuspidors a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Retail, Uranium Mining, and Woodchip Exports. Black market activity is extensive. Average income is an impressive 186,339 cuspidors, but there is a large disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 853,842 per year while the poor average 24,721, a ratio of 34.5 to 1.

Minstrels carrying coconut shells provide sound effects wherever their nobles wander, the richest citizens live in sheltered private citadels, pop sensation "Jack and the Holograms" is storming the charts, and citizens select which government department gets their income tax cuspidors each year. Crime is pervasive, with the police force struggling against a lack of funding and a high mortality rate. Captain Lard's national animal is the Jesus, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is The Gospel of Ben Shapiro.

Captain Lard is ranked 2,039th in the world and 1st in Lardyland for Highest Wealthy Incomes, with 853,842.1 Standard Monetary Units.

Largest Timber Woodchipping Industry: 1,324thHighest Unexpected Death Rate: 1,391stMost Avoided: 1,398thTop
Fattest Citizens: 1,706thLargest Pizza Delivery Sector: 1,854thLargest Retail Industry: 1,977thHighest Wealthy Incomes: 2,039thMost Secular: 2,211thLargest Insurance Industry: 2,302ndLargest Mining Sector: 2,332ndLargest Gambling Industry: 2,590thHighest Disposable Incomes: 2,740thRudest Citizens: 2,776thMost Corrupt Governments: 2,826thHighest Crime Rates: 3,100thMost Armed: 4,001stNudest: 4,015thLargest Automobile Manufacturing Sector: 4,476thMost Advanced Defense Forces: 6,387thHighest Average Incomes: 6,827thLargest Information Technology Sector: 8,225thTop
Largest Furniture Restoration Industry: 8,371stMost Scientifically Advanced: 8,607thLargest Black Market: 8,681stGreatest Rich-Poor Divides: 9,417thLargest Manufacturing Sector: 10,416thMost Efficient Economies: 10,752ndLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 13,309thMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 13,777thMost Conservative: 15,555th
Highest Unexpected Death Rate: 1st in the regionMost Secular: 1st in the regionRudest Citizens: 1st in the regionLargest Timber Woodchipping Industry: 1st in the regionMost Advanced Defense Forces: 1st in the regionHighest Wealthy Incomes: 1st in the regionLargest Information Technology Sector: 1st in the regionMost Avoided: 1st in the regionMost Stationary: 1st in the regionLargest Insurance Industry: 1st in the regionHighest Average Incomes: 1st in the regionMost Scientifically Advanced: 1st in the regionLargest Mining Sector: 1st in the regionLargest Black Market: 1st in the regionMost Efficient Economies: 2nd in the regionMost Corrupt Governments: 2nd in the regionTop
Most Subsidized Industry: 3rd in the regionLargest Automobile Manufacturing Sector: 3rd in the regionFattest Citizens: 3rd in the regionHighest Disposable Incomes: 3rd in the regionLargest Retail Industry: 3rd in the regionLargest Pizza Delivery Sector: 4th in the regionLargest Gambling Industry: 4th in the regionMost Armed: 5th in the regionHighest Economic Output: 5th in the regionLargest Furniture Restoration Industry: 6th in the regionLargest Governments: 6th in the regionLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 6th in the regionMost Influential: 6th in the regionLargest Manufacturing Sector: 6th in the regionHighest Crime Rates: 7th in the regionNudest: 7th in the regionMost Developed: 8th in the regionMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 9th in the regionTop
Largest Populations: 15th in the regionMost Advanced Public Education: 20th in the region

National Happenings

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