The March of Progress of Candlewhisper Archive is a colossal, cultured nation, ruled by Jackie Lipstick with an even hand, and remarkable for its free-roaming dinosaurs, multi-spousal wedding ceremonies, and complete absence of social welfare. The hard-nosed, hard-working, democratic, humorless population of 7.743 billion Archivists enjoy some of the most opulent lifestyles in the region, unless they are unemployed or working-class, in which case they are variously starving to death or crippled by easily preventable diseases.

The minute, pro-business government, or what there is of one, prioritizes Education, although Industry, Administration, and Social Policy are also considered important, while Environment and Defense receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Monaster. Income tax is unheard of.

The frighteningly efficient Archivian economy, worth a remarkable 3,043 trillion diapertokens a year, is driven almost entirely by the private sector, which is broadly diversified and led by the Information Technology industry, with significant contributions from Retail, Soda Sales, and Book Publishing. Average income is an amazing 393,072 diapertokens, but there is an enormous disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 2,137,929 per year while the poor average 37,156, a ratio of 57.5 to 1.

Polite commuters on the Monaster Metro always let hurried workers off the train first, the government's official position on invasive species is 'who cares?', Archivian tourists are banned from many nations due to their tendency to randomly explode, and only the wealthy vote. Crime, especially youth-related, is all-pervasive, perhaps because of the country's complete lack of prisons. Candlewhisper Archive's national animal is the Seven-Toed Anxious Dolphin Mutant Thing, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Memetic Contagion.

Candlewhisper Archive is ranked 170,948^th in the world and 377^th in Forest for Most Eco-Friendly Governments, scoring -62.53 on the Dolphin Recycling Awareness Index.