The Intensive Care Unit of Candlewhisper Archive is a gargantuan, efficient nation, ruled by Dustin B Twinnears with a fair hand, and notable for its museums and concert halls, infamous sell-swords, and complete absence of social welfare. The hard-nosed, hard-working, democratic, humorless population of 18.86 billion Archivists live in a state of perpetual fear, as a complete breakdown of social order has led to the rise of order through biker gangs.

The minute, corrupt, liberal, pro-business government, or what there is of one, is primarily concerned with Administration, although Industry, Healthcare, and Education are also considered important, while Environment and Defense aren't funded at all. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Monaster. Income tax is unheard of.

The frighteningly efficient Archivian economy, worth a remarkable 8,754 trillion slightly manky dollars a year, is driven almost entirely by the private sector, which is broadly diversified and led by the Information Technology industry, with significant contributions from Retail, Soda Sales, and Book Publishing. Average income is an amazing 464,205 slightly manky dollars, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 4.4 times as much as the poorest.

Archivists no longer find themselves bumping into their exes at family gatherings, criminals always seem to be forewarned of police raids, the government has cut its subsidies for all special interest groups, and refugees from other nations are flocking to Candlewhisper Archive's border. Crime, especially youth-related, is so common that it is unusual to encounter someone following the law, perhaps because of the country's complete lack of prisons. Candlewhisper Archive's national animal is the Six-Toed Ugly Dolphin-Octopus Thing, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Unlimited Cheap Data.

Candlewhisper Archive is ranked 294,202^nd in the world and 332^nd in Forest for Lowest Crime Rates, with 2.04 law-abiding acts per hour.