The Intensive Care Unit of Candlewhisper Archive is a gargantuan, cultured nation, ruled by Panopticon Pete with a fair hand, and renowned for its rum-swilling pirates, unlimited-speed roads, and spontaneously combusting cars. The hard-nosed, hard-working, democratic, humorless population of 12.718 billion Archivists live in a state of perpetual fear, as a complete breakdown of social order has led to the rise of order through biker gangs.

The minute, corrupt, liberal, pro-business, outspoken government, or what there is of one, is primarily concerned with Administration, although Education and Industry are also considered important, while Environment and Defense receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Monaster. Income tax is unheard of.

The frighteningly efficient Archivian economy, worth a remarkable 5,584 trillion slightly grubby dollars a year, is driven almost entirely by the private sector, which is broadly diversified and led by the Information Technology industry, with significant contributions from Retail, Soda Sales, and Book Publishing. Average income is an amazing 439,083 slightly grubby dollars, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 4.6 times as much as the poorest.

The nation leads Forest in per capita stalking, sexually-starved male dinosaurs terrorise tourists during weekly breakouts from Mesozoic Park, couples are discouraged from marrying until they can rank their partner on a scale of one to ten, and biological warfare is used to solve small disagreements. Crime, especially youth-related, is all-pervasive, perhaps because of the country's complete lack of prisons. Candlewhisper Archive's national animal is the Six-Fingered Ugly Dolphin-Octopus Thing, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Unlimited Cheap Data.

Candlewhisper Archive is ranked 1,199^th in the world and 5^th in Forest for Largest Insurance Industry, scoring 10,115.46 on the Risk Expulsion Effectiveness Rating.