The Corporate Haven of Canasius is a massive, cultured nation, ruled by Big Ape with a fair hand, and notable for its infamous sell-swords, pith helmet sales, and public floggings. The hard-nosed, hard-working, democratic, humorless population of 2.086 billion Canasiusians are effectively ruled by a group of massive corporations, who run for political office and provide their well-off citizens with world-class goods and services. Their poorer citizens, however, are mostly starving to death while being urged to go out and get real jobs. The populace has reasonably extensive civil rights, although these are mostly aimed at allowing them to buy whatever they like.

The tiny, corrupt, pro-business government is primarily concerned with Defense, with Industry, Education, and Law & Order also on the agenda, while Environment and Welfare are ignored. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Libtardtopia. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 4.9%.

The frighteningly efficient Canasiusian economy, worth 440 trillion Crypto-cannabis a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Retail industry, with major contributions from Arms Manufacturing, Information Technology, and Uranium Mining. Average income is an amazing 210,968 Crypto-cannabis, but there is an enormous disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 1,292,471 per year while the poor average 15,114, a ratio of 85.5 to 1.

Arbitration is mightier than the sword, members of ethnic minorities are more often called "boy" or "girl" than by their actual names, agricultural science is the most competitive subject at universities, and the government asks not what you can do for your country but what you can do to tidy their country homes. Crime is totally unknown. Canasius's national animal is the Tax Collector, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Free Markets.

Canasius is ranked 113,736^th in the world and 166^th in Lands End for Most Patriotic, with 12.92 flags saluted per person per day.