The Protectorate of Calavaria is a gargantuan, cultured nation, ruled by Royal Governor Lina Emin the First with an even hand, and renowned for its free-roaming dinosaurs, otherworldly petting zoo, and compulsory gun ownership. The hard-nosed, hard-working, devout population of 13.539 billion Calavarians have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often.

The medium-sized government juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Industry, and Defense. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Calamari City. The average income tax rate is 51.5%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Calavarian economy, worth a remarkable 1,399 trillion Bits a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Arms Manufacturing, Book Publishing, and Uranium Mining. Average income is an impressive 103,371 Bits, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.2 times as much as the poorest.

Doughnut-makers claim their products are healthy because they are fortified with vitamins, residents of houses built on a foundation of wishful thinking are prone to an odd sinking feeling, politicians spend more time in courtrooms than in Parliament, and blackface performers claim they are being deliberately ironic. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Calavaria's national animal is the Flying Tein, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to toxic air pollution, and its national religion is Protestant Christianity.

Calavaria is ranked 50,458^th in the world and 122^nd in Confederation of Corrupt Dictators for Lowest Crime Rates, with 74.04 law-abiding acts per hour.