The Republic Federation of Cabin John is a colossal, environmentally stunning nation, ruled by Bob Strauss with an even hand, and renowned for its rum-swilling pirates, keen interest in outer space, and frequent executions. The compassionate, humorless population of 5.892 billion CabinJonathans have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often.

The large government juggles the competing demands of Education, Healthcare, and Environment. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Cabana Juan. The average income tax rate is 72.3%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The powerhouse Cabin Johnian economy, worth 627 trillion Dollars a year, is quite specialized and led by the Book Publishing industry, with significant contributions from Tourism, Information Technology, and Beef-Based Agriculture. Average income is an impressive 106,493 Dollars, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Red text rains down on the head of anyone who dares to step out of line (Cabin John has found 2 easter eggs), class action lawsuits have gone up in smoke thanks to government interference, the people's love for Bob Strauss is little more than self-preservation, and fat-shaming is now public policy. Crime is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Cabin John's national animal is the Bulldog, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Craft Beerology.

Cabin John is ranked 16,426^th in the world and 916^th in Lazarus for Most Beautiful Environments, with 1,197.83 Pounds Of Wildlife Per Square Mile.