The Empire of Bistrostan is a gargantuan, safe nation, ruled by Leader with an even hand, and remarkable for its otherworldly petting zoo, infamous sell-swords, and strictly enforced bedtime. The hard-nosed, devout population of 38.942 billion Bistrostanians have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often.

The relatively small government prioritizes Education, although Healthcare, Administration, and Environment are also considered important, while Spirituality and Defense aren't funded at all. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Bistrostan City. The average income tax rate is 17.8%.

The frighteningly efficient Bistrostanian economy, worth an astonishing 17,937 trillion drachmas a year, is fairly diversified and led by the Tourism industry, with major contributions from Book Publishing, Information Technology, and Furniture Restoration. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an amazing 460,610 drachmas, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 3.1 times as much as the poorest.

Grade school teachers mark homework with red "CITATION NEEDED" stamps, the well-off amuse themselves by organizing upstairs-downstairs stories within their second homes, prominent cultural symbols are featured on the backs of cereal boxes, and minorities play dumb to get more welfare payments. Crime is totally unknown. Bistrostan's national animal is the cheetah, which is also the nation's favorite main course.

Bistrostan is ranked 235,229^th in the world and 1^st in The GameFAQs Forum for Highest Unexpected Death Rate, scoring 11.89 on the Bus Surprisal Index.