The Allied States of Bistritza is a huge, socially progressive nation, renowned for its barren, inhospitable landscape, deadly medical pandemics, and absence of drug laws. The hard-nosed, hard-working, devout population of 350 million Bistritzans enjoy some of the most opulent lifestyles in the region, unless they are unemployed or working-class, in which case they are variously starving to death or crippled by easily preventable diseases.

The relatively small, corrupt government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Industry, and Education. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Ohrid. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 17.8%.

The frighteningly efficient Bistritzan economy, worth 35.0 trillion Coin Silvers a year, is fairly diversified and led by the Gambling industry, with major contributions from Soda Sales, Arms Manufacturing, and Retail. Black market activity is frequent. Average income is 99,936 Coin Silvers, with the richest citizens earning 9.4 times as much as the poorest.

Citizens have reported seeing strange rays of light emanating from the moon, it's illegal to blow things up, foragers descend on national cemeteries for 'all-you-can-dig-up' extravaganzas, and the might of the entire Bistritzan Navy is focused on fifty bemused spear-throwing islanders. Crime is a serious problem, with the police force struggling against a lack of funding and a high mortality rate. Bistritza's national animal is the Villa, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation.

Bistritza is ranked 79,405^th in the world and 2,247^th in the South Pacific for Smartest Citizens, with 35.76 quips per hour.