The Free Land of Birch 12 is a massive, environmentally stunning nation, remarkable for its state-planned economy, anti-smoking policies, and suspicion of poets. The cynical population of 3.092 billion Birch 12ians are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The large, moralistic, socially-minded government prioritizes Law & Order, with Public Transport, Education, and Healthcare also on the agenda. The average income tax rate is 44.1%, but much higher for the wealthy.

The sizeable but sluggish Birch 12ian economy, worth 76.5 trillion leaves a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is a slick, highly efficient, quite specialized black market in Trout Farming, Uranium Mining, and Gambling. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is 24,749 leaves, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.3 times as much as the poorest.

The nation grinds to a halt for afternoon tea, half-naked men feature prominently in official military materials, art criticism in Birch 12 is scathingly destructive, and onions have been banned due to their tendency to cause eye irritation. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Birch 12's national animal is the tree, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests.

Birch 12 is ranked 263,127^th in the world and 352^nd in Stereo Hearts for Most Patriotic, with 0.61 flags saluted per person per day.