The Sapiarchic Republic of Bartonia Nova is a massive, environmentally stunning nation, ruled by Hierarchon Bartonius with an even hand, and renowned for its museums and concert halls, free-roaming dinosaurs, and parental licensing program. The compassionate population of 1.252 billion Bartonians have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often.

The large, corrupt government juggles the competing demands of Education, Industry, and Administration. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Callipolis. The average income tax rate is 72.6%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Bartonian economy, worth 146 trillion denarii a year, is fairly diversified and led by the Information Technology industry, with significant contributions from Retail, Book Publishing, and Door-to-door Insurance Sales. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is an impressive 116,953 denarii, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.0 times as much as the poorest.

The Messiah (formerly known as Brian) is a mayoral candidate, shivering secretaries type letters under torrential downpours in open-roof offices, most Bartonians would sell their own grandmother, and neon signs promoting safe driving often distract drivers. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Bartonia Nova's national animal is the owl, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies, and its national religion is Bartonian Christianity.

Bartonia Nova is ranked 221,950^th in the world and 7,502^nd in the South Pacific for Highest Drug Use, scoring 15 on the Pineapple Fondness Rating.