The Sapiarchic Republic of Bartonia Nova is a massive, genial nation, ruled by Hierarchon Bartonius with an even hand, and notable for its sprawling nuclear power plants, national health service, and punitive income tax rates. The compassionate population of 2.673 billion Bartonians have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often.

The large, corrupt government juggles the competing demands of Education, Industry, and Administration. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Callipolis. The average income tax rate is 81.1%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Bartonian economy, worth 372 trillion denarii a year, is fairly diversified and led by the Information Technology industry, with significant contributions from Book Publishing, Tourism, and Retail. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is an impressive 139,300 denarii, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Citizens wouldn't recognise Hierarchon Bartonius if they passed one another on the street, angry citizens complain that there isn't enough geographical diversity on the new banknotes, sales of trenchcoats are on the rise, and weapons produced by newly nationalized armaments factories have been found to contain sawdust instead of gunpowder. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Bartonia Nova's national animal is the owl, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies, and its national religion is Bartonian Christianity.

Bartonia Nova is ranked 51,662^nd in the world and 1,674^th in the South Pacific for Rudest Citizens, with 70.57 insults per minute.