by Max Barry

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Food of the North

Food of the North: An examination of what is eaten in the Barboneian Commonwealth, written by Jon Soro, famed chef

BARBONEIA has a rather unique identity when it comes to the food consumed in the country. Taking from a variety of cultures, one is able to find a great number of various dishes across the three provinces. The following is an analysis of some of the meals you can find throughout Barboneia, based on region.

The Northern Lands: Blood, Berries, and Beer

A traditional smörgåsbord in the far north.

THE NORTHERN LANDS are undoubtedly the most unique when it comes to available foods. Thanks in part to the large Swedish ancestry in the region, much of the food is comparable to what is present in Scandinavia and Northern Europe. For example, blood is very popular in the north. Pig's and cow's blood is usually used thanks to its availability, though most farms where these are acquired from are in Central Barboneia. Veriohukainen, or blood pancakes, are a common dish, as are blood sausages. Blood soup is very popular in the eastern part of the region.

In addition, the lingonberry, which naturally grows in the more temperate parts of the Northern Lands, is turned into jams and juices, and even vodka, though the vodka is pretty much reviled everywhere except for the north. The Northern Lands is also known for its smörgåsbord, known as voileipäpöytä in Barboneia's native tongue. These are basically ever-present at company meetings, parties, and other events that need food catering.

The Northern Lands is also known for its dumplings and beers, and is probably most famous for its chocolates and other confectioneries from Talecton, where the Northern Barbonian Biscuit Company, or NBBCO, produces them.

Central Barboneia: Surf and Turf

English-style battered fish and chips, a working man's feast.

CENTRAL BARBONEIA is known for the massive Barbone Lake which takes up a majority of its land area, its mix of rolling farms and lakeside fisheries, and its miserable inner city white collar population. However, the food of the province is often unfortunately overlooked, when in fact it is probably the best feature of the region and is one of the only reasons it is worth visiting.

On the surface, most assume that Central Barboneia's cuisine mostly consists of cheap, take-away fried food in the style of the English, and if one is to remain in just the cities, that is very true. Urban eating can allow one to sample fish and chips, battered sausages, fried chicken, and other similar products. But when one leaves the city, they are able to find some more interesting items.

In the countryside, popular dishes include steaks, more traditional styled Cumberland sausage, many vegetables such as corn, peas, and the ever-popular potato, and other, homely dishes. Along the lake and out of the major cities, one can find all kinds of "sea"food, like shrimp, crayfish, burbot, and other water creatures. Salmon was somehow introduced into the lake by the original settlers, and so is also a common and popular dish.

Though not as large or popular as breweries and wineries in the other provinces, Central Barboneia is home to a few big breweries that produce mostly whiskey and other liquors. Contrary to popular belief, mostly from ignorant foreigners and tourists, walrus is no longer a commonly consumed meat, though during initial settlement it was popular. Nowadays, it is regarded as "really goddamn nasty" (quote a young walrus rancher I spoke to near Hieno) and tourists are often tricked into eating it by amused locals. Unless you have a strong palette or are particularly adventurous/stupid, I recommend you avoid it.

The Great South: A Melting Pot of Food (Except Fondue)

Bruschetta and wine, which pretty much lets you know what to expect in the south.

THE GREAT SOUTH is easily the best of the entire country when it comes to food. This is most likely in part to the fact that there is such a grand variety of dishes available. To the inexperienced, it may seem daunting to figure out what to eat, but as long as you're able to travel and are willing to spend a lot of money, you can potentially try them all!

In general, southern cuisine, as in, actual meals that originated in the south, can be considered Italian or Mediterranean in nature. Southern foods are well known for their complex ranges of spices, sourness, sweetness, etc. that is often unfortunately overlooked. Pasta, pizza, and other tomato dishes are all very common in standard fare.

When one goes deep into the ever-present big cities, however, they can find a true variety of food. Thanks to the south's close proximity to the diverse Darussalam and a usual stream of (mostly human) immigrants and workers from all backgrounds, a great deal of different ethnic foods can be found. Asian, Indian, North American, and even African foods can all be found, in addition to traditional Darussalami meals and even those from other Valkian countries like Hiluxia, Seceria, Kedri, and even TurtleShroom.

In addition, the south is probably most famous for its wine. For some reason, the terrain of the Great South is basically perfect for the cultivation of grapes of all kinds. Barboneian wines are renowned for their excellency and are popular world wide. A wealthy visitor is best advised to purchase a few bottles for himself to enjoy back in his home country.


This concludes my guide book to the cuisine of the north. I pray you are able to find it helpful, and if you do choose to visit Barboneia, happy eating!