The Most Serene Republic of Balkvla Islands is a colossal, cultured nation, notable for its smutty television, daily referendums, and absence of drug laws. The compassionate, democratic, cheerful population of 7.147 billion Balkvla Islandsians are free to do what they want with their own bodies, and vote for whomever they like in elections; if they go into business, however, they are regulated to within an inch of their lives.

The enormous, socially-minded, outspoken government prioritizes Education, with Environment, Welfare, and Healthcare also on the agenda, while Spirituality and Defense are ignored. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Nimbasa City. The average income tax rate is 95.3%.

The frighteningly efficient Balkvla Islandsian economy, worth 924 trillion hitoes a year, is highly specialized and led by the Tourism industry, with major contributions from Information Technology and Book Publishing. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 129,352 hitoes, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Captains must wait until all rats are safe before jumping ship, dynamite sales and concert audiences are booming, lifelong celibates are surprised to receive government-issue condoms in the post, and five-year-olds who refuse to line up on command get gold stars. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown. Balkvla Islands's national animal is the horse, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests.

Balkvla Islands is ranked 190,635^th in the world and 315^th in Democratic Socialist Assembly for Largest Trout Fishing Sector, scoring -7.32 on the Nemo Depletion Efficiency Index.