The Protectorate of Bald is a gargantuan, efficient nation, ruled by Supreme Evil Overlord Balding with an iron fist, and renowned for its public floggings, anti-smoking policies, and suspicion of poets. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless, devout population of 22.931 billion Bald Bastards are ruled with an iron fist by the corrupt, dictatorship government, which oppresses anyone who isn't on the board of a Fortune 500 company. Large corporations tend to be above the law, and use their financial clout to gain ever-increasing government benefits at the expense of the poor and unemployed.

The relatively small, corrupt, pro-business, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Law & Order, and Industry. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Hairless City. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 50.5%.

The frighteningly efficient Bald economy, worth a remarkable 8,043 trillion Balds a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with significant contributions from Uranium Mining, Retail, and Door-to-door Insurance Sales. Black market activity is rampant. Average income is an amazing 350,755 Balds, but there is a vast disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 3,237,113 per year while the poor average 3,774, a ratio of 857 to 1.

Funeral directors are frequently looking at their watches during funerals, fire and brimstone sermons are accompanied by napalm and fragmentation bombs, it's entirely possible foreign diplomats misheard when Bald offered the words "peace be upon you", and twins move across the country to avoid being accused of the other's crimes. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Bald's national animal is the Bald Eagle, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is the Order of Saint Balding.

Bald is ranked 2,200^th in the world and 61^st in The North Pacific for Largest Furniture Restoration Industry, scoring 11,359.62 on the Spitz-Pollish Productivity Index.