by Max Barry

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Highest Wealthy Incomes: 196thGreatest Rich-Poor Divides: 218thLargest Insurance Industry: 232nd
The Protectorate of
Corporate Police State
Determining who is smart and who was shot in the head.
Supreme Evil Overlord Balding
Civil Rights
Political Freedom

Overview Policies People Government Economy Rank Trend Nuke Control Cards


Population22.931 billion

CapitalHairless City
LeaderSupreme Evil Overlord Balding
Faiththe Order of Saint Balding

AnimalBald Eagle

The Protectorate of Bald is a gargantuan, efficient nation, ruled by Supreme Evil Overlord Balding with an iron fist, and renowned for its public floggings, anti-smoking policies, and suspicion of poets. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless, devout population of 22.931 billion Bald Bastards are ruled with an iron fist by the corrupt, dictatorship government, which oppresses anyone who isn't on the board of a Fortune 500 company. Large corporations tend to be above the law, and use their financial clout to gain ever-increasing government benefits at the expense of the poor and unemployed.

The relatively small, corrupt, pro-business, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Law & Order, and Industry. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Hairless City. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 50.5%.

The frighteningly efficient Bald economy, worth a remarkable 8,043 trillion Balds a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with significant contributions from Uranium Mining, Retail, and Door-to-door Insurance Sales. Black market activity is rampant. Average income is an amazing 350,755 Balds, but there is a vast disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 3,237,113 per year while the poor average 3,774, a ratio of 857 to 1.

Funeral directors are frequently looking at their watches during funerals, fire and brimstone sermons are accompanied by napalm and fragmentation bombs, it's entirely possible foreign diplomats misheard when Bald offered the words "peace be upon you", and twins move across the country to avoid being accused of the other's crimes. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Bald's national animal is the Bald Eagle, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is the Order of Saint Balding.

Bald is ranked 2,200th in the world and 61st in The North Pacific for Largest Furniture Restoration Industry, scoring 11,359.62 on the Spitz-Pollish Productivity Index.

Highest Wealthy Incomes: 196thGreatest Rich-Poor Divides: 218thLargest Insurance Industry: 232ndLargest Automobile Manufacturing Sector: 669thLargest Cheese Export Sector: 812thLargest Pizza Delivery Sector: 1,016thHighest Economic Output: 1,268thLargest Mining Sector: 1,498thLargest Black Market: 1,507thFattest Citizens: 1,564thHighest Average Incomes: 1,585thLargest Agricultural Sector: 1,726thLargest Timber Woodchipping Industry: 1,755thHighest Disposable Incomes: 2,139thLargest Manufacturing Sector: 2,179thLargest Furniture Restoration Industry: 2,200thMost Advanced Law Enforcement: 2,200thMost Stationary: 2,376thLargest Soda Pop Sector: 2,628thMost Corrupt Governments: 2,777thMost Advanced Defense Forces: 2,841stTop
Largest Basket Weaving Sector: 3,135thMost Avoided: 3,217thLowest Crime Rates: 3,337thLargest Gambling Industry: 3,619thHighest Unexpected Death Rate: 3,672ndLargest Retail Industry: 3,751stLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 4,359thMost Efficient Economies: 4,938thLargest Governments: 5,388thLargest Populations: 9,854thLargest Publishing Industry: 12,448thMost Subsidized Industry: 12,561stMost Influential: 13,255thHighest Foreign Aid Spending: 13,957thMost Advanced Public Transport: 14,092ndMost Patriotic: 14,397thTop
Most Armed: 14,996thMost Scientifically Advanced: 16,131stLargest Information Technology Sector: 20,305thSmartest Citizens: 22,845thMost World Assembly Endorsements: 26,513th
Greatest Rich-Poor Divides: 7th in the regionLargest Insurance Industry: 7th in the regionHighest Wealthy Incomes: 11th in the regionLargest Automobile Manufacturing Sector: 13th in the regionLargest Pizza Delivery Sector: 26th in the regionLargest Cheese Export Sector: 30th in the regionLargest Mining Sector: 31st in the regionHighest Economic Output: 34th in the regionMost Stationary: 36th in the regionLargest Timber Woodchipping Industry: 40th in the regionLargest Black Market: 41st in the regionFattest Citizens: 55th in the regionLargest Furniture Restoration Industry: 61st in the regionMost Advanced Law Enforcement: 63rd in the regionLargest Soda Pop Sector: 69th in the regionLargest Manufacturing Sector: 69th in the regionTop
Largest Agricultural Sector: 73rd in the regionHighest Average Incomes: 76th in the regionLargest Basket Weaving Sector: 76th in the regionMost Avoided: 82nd in the regionMost Corrupt Governments: 83rd in the regionHighest Disposable Incomes: 88th in the regionLargest Gambling Industry: 97th in the regionMost Advanced Defense Forces: 102nd in the regionHighest Unexpected Death Rate: 104th in the regionLargest Populations: 104th in the regionLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 116th in the regionLargest Retail Industry: 157th in the regionLowest Crime Rates: 175th in the regionMost Pro-Market: 190th in the regionMost Efficient Economies: 242nd in the regionLargest Governments: 274th in the regionMost Extreme: 333rd in the regionMost Subsidized Industry: 342nd in the regionMost Armed: 348th in the regionTop
Most Patriotic: 503rd in the regionMost Advanced Public Transport: 516th in the regionHighest Foreign Aid Spending: 533rd in the regionLargest Publishing Industry: 629th in the region

National Happenings

Most Recent Government Activity:

  • : Bald was ranked in the Top 10% of the world for Most Pro-Market.
  • : Bald was ranked in the Top 5% of the world for Most Advanced Public Transport.
  • : Bald was ranked in the Top 1% of the world for Most Advanced Defense Forces.
  • : Bald was ranked in the Top 5% of the world for Most Armed.
  • : Bald was ranked in the Top 1% of the world for Largest Basket Weaving Sector and the Top 10% for Most Extensive Public Healthcare.
  • : Bald was ranked in the Top 10% of the world for Most Devout.
  • : Bald was ranked in the Top 1% of the world for Largest Basket Weaving Sector.
  • : Bald was ranked in the Top 1% of the world for Most Avoided.
  • : Bald was ranked in the Top 5% of the world for Most Scientifically Advanced.
  • : Bald was ranked in the Top 1% of the world for Lowest Crime Rates.