The Protectorate of Bald is a gargantuan, orderly nation, ruled by Supreme Evil Overlord Balding with an iron fist, and remarkable for its frequent executions, parental licensing program, and complete absence of social welfare. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless, devout population of 25.751 billion Bald Bastards are ruled with an iron fist by the corrupt, dictatorship government, which oppresses anyone who isn't on the board of a Fortune 500 company. Large corporations tend to be above the law, and use their financial clout to gain ever-increasing government benefits at the expense of the poor and unemployed.

The relatively small, corrupt, pro-business, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Law & Order, and Industry. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Hairless City. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 50.5%.

The frighteningly efficient Bald economy, worth a remarkable 9,046 trillion Balds a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with significant contributions from Uranium Mining, Retail, and Information Technology. Black market activity is rampant. Average income is an amazing 351,308 Balds, but there is a vast disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 3,242,565 per year while the poor average 3,776, a ratio of 858 to 1.

The government response to disaster victims starving for bread is "let them eat stale cake", photos of picturesque coastal buildings are set against a backdrop of smokestacks and ship hulls, sailors spend their shore leave helping old ladies cross the street, and commemorative mugs remembering last year's Black Friday Crockery Riots are a best seller this year. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Bald's national animal is the Bald Eagle, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is the Order of Saint Balding.

Bald is ranked 3,311^th in the world and 152^nd in The North Pacific for Lowest Crime Rates, with 125.78 law-abiding acts per hour.