The Retired Nation of Balan Bar is a gargantuan, socially progressive nation, ruled by Teddy R Hammarskjöld with a fair hand, and renowned for its public floggings, pith helmet sales, and smutty television. The compassionate, democratic population of 12.343 billion Balan Barians enjoy a sensible mix of personal and economic freedoms, while the political process is open and the people's right to vote held sacrosanct.

The large government juggles the competing demands of Education, Healthcare, and Environment. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Urbs de lumine. The average income tax rate is 92.7%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Balan Barian economy, worth a remarkable 1,914 trillion francs a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is quite specialized, is led by the Tourism industry, with major contributions from Information Technology and Book Publishing. Average income is an impressive 155,090 francs, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Captains must wait until all rats are safe before jumping ship, etiquette guides advise visitors to 'grovel gracefully', foreign governments are threatened if they so much as mention the word "election", and the government has officially clarified that "wee on your hands to save time" does not count as proper hygiene. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Balan Bar's national animal is the Fox, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is The Nine Divine.

Balan Bar is ranked 173,775^th in the world and 419^th in Conch Kingdom for Largest Soda Pop Sector, scoring 50.56 on the Addison-Fukk Productivity Rating.