The Kingdom of Astoria House is a very large, efficient nation, notable for its restrictive gun laws and complete absence of social welfare. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, devout population of 188 million Astoria Houseans are ruled with an iron fist by the corrupt, dictatorship government, which oppresses anyone who isn't on the board of a Fortune 500 company. Large corporations tend to be above the law, and use their financial clout to gain ever-increasing government benefits at the expense of the poor and unemployed.

The relatively small, moralistic, pro-business, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Spirituality, Law & Order, and Defense. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 10.3%.

The very strong Astoria Housean economy, worth 12.3 trillion aurums a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Gambling industry, with significant contributions from Pizza Delivery, Cheese Exports, and Arms Manufacturing. Average income is 65,325 aurums, but there is a significant disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 211,123 per year while the poor average 15,275, a ratio of 13.8 to 1.

Citizens are enjoying a recent large cut in taxes, scientists regularly clone human beings for research purposes, all major public areas are watched by police surveillance cameras, and everyone suspects that everyone else is a terrorist. Crime is relatively low, thanks to a capable police force. Astoria House's national animal is the bovina, which can occasionally be seen sifting through garbage in the nation's cities.

Astoria House is ranked 164,629^th in the world and 1^st in Test Kitchen for Most Patriotic, with 9.52 flags saluted per person per day.