The Merchant Empire State of Aschenburg is a colossal, cultured nation, ruled by Lord President Charles Von Bernhardi XIV with an even hand, and notable for its museums and concert halls, deadly medical pandemics, and triple-decker prams. The hard-nosed, hard-working, democratic population of 9.392 billion Aschenburgarians enjoy some of the most opulent lifestyles in the region, unless they are unemployed or working-class, in which case they are variously starving to death or crippled by easily preventable diseases.

The minute, corrupt, liberal, pro-business government, or what there is of one, is effectively ruled by the Department of Industry, with Education and Defense also on the agenda, while Environment and Law & Order aren't funded at all. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Ludembourg. Income tax is unheard of.

The frighteningly efficient Aschenburgian economy, worth a remarkable 3,096 trillion Gold Aschenburg Crowns a year, is driven almost entirely by the private sector, which is broadly diversified and led by the Retail industry, with major contributions from Gambling, Soda Sales, and Information Technology. Average income is an amazing 329,713 Gold Aschenburg Crowns, but there is a vast disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 3,027,674 per year while the poor average 3,747, a ratio of 807 to 1.

It's said that any enemy of democracy is a friend to Lord President Charles Von Bernhardi XIV, the alarmingly racist TV show 'Bigtopians Say the Darndest Things' is a hit, agricultural employees work for peanuts, and the nation's youth is held blameless for all crimes. Crime, especially youth-related, is all-pervasive, probably because of the absence of a police force. Aschenburg's national animal is the Aschenburgarian Sailfish, which is also the nation's favorite main course.

Aschenburg is ranked 209,830^th in the world and 8,542^nd in the South Pacific for Longest Average Lifespans, with 23.26 Years.