The Free Merchant Archipelago of Aschenburg is a colossal, socially progressive nation, ruled by Merchant Governor Sir Charles Arkwright with an even hand, and notable for its museums and concert halls, smutty television, and unlimited-speed roads. The hard-nosed, hard-working population of 7.883 billion Aschenburgarians enjoy some of the most opulent lifestyles in the region, unless they are unemployed or working-class, in which case they are variously starving to death or crippled by easily preventable diseases.

The minute, corrupt, pro-business government, or what there is of one, is effectively ruled by the Department of Industry, although Education and Defense are also considered important, while Environment and Welfare receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Port Ascension. Income tax is unheard of.

The frighteningly efficient Aschenburgian economy, worth a remarkable 2,397 trillion Gold Aschenburg Crowns a year, is driven almost entirely by the private sector, which is broadly diversified and led by the Retail industry, with major contributions from Gambling, Information Technology, and Soda Sales. Average income is an amazing 304,196 Gold Aschenburg Crowns, but there is an enormous disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 1,677,256 per year while the poor average 27,914, a ratio of 60.1 to 1.

Police officers catch up on their paperwork while handing their caseload to PIs, state media features lively debates such as whether pineapple on pizza is an acceptable topping, more citizens have access to Maxtopian Grass than clean drinking water, and cooking with water and baking soda is considered patent infringement. Crime, especially youth-related, is all-pervasive, probably because of the absence of a police force. Aschenburg's national animal is the Aschenburgarian Sailfish, which is also the nation's favorite main course.

Aschenburg is ranked 3,559^th in the world and 57^th in the South Pacific for Most Efficient Economies, scoring 100 on the Krugman-Greenspan Business Outlook Index.