The Imperial Free City of Aschenburg is a gargantuan, cultured nation, ruled by The Duke d' Bernhardi with an even hand, and renowned for its museums and concert halls, free-roaming dinosaurs, and frequent executions. The hard-nosed, hard-working population of 13.529 billion Aschenburgarians are either ruled by a sleek, efficient government or a conglomerate of multinational corporations; it's difficult to tell which.

The minute, corrupt, pro-business government, or what there is of one, is effectively ruled by the Department of Industry, with Defense and Education also on the agenda, while Environment and Law & Order are ignored. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of le Palais-Royal. Income tax is unheard of.

The frighteningly efficient Aschenburgian economy, worth a remarkable 5,364 trillion Gold Aschenburg Crowns a year, is driven almost entirely by the private sector, which is broadly diversified and led by the Retail industry, with significant contributions from Gambling, Soda Sales, and Information Technology. Average income is an amazing 396,508 Gold Aschenburg Crowns, but there is a vast disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 2,864,627 per year while the poor average 17,491, a ratio of 163 to 1.

Both diets and economic output are growing leaner with recent restrictions to free trade, the Treasury has been accused of flushing money down the toilet, the nation's most "productive" diamond mine hasn't been operational for seven months, and belief that The Duke d' Bernhardi is a lizard-person from outer space has reached an all-time high. Crime, especially youth-related, is so common that it is unusual to encounter someone following the law, probably because of the absence of a police force. Aschenburg's national animal is the Aschenburgarian Sailfish, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Roman Catholicism.

Aschenburg is ranked 8,156^th in the world and 238^th in the South Pacific for Smartest Citizens, with 102.11 quips per hour.