The Free Toy With Every Meal of Ardchoille is a gargantuan, cultured nation, ruled by Dicey Reilly with a fair hand, and notable for its keen interest in outer space, anti-smoking policies, and restrictive gun laws. The compassionate, democratic population of 41.863 billion Ardchoilleans are fiercely patriotic and enjoy great social equality; they tend to view other, more capitalist countries as somewhat immoral and corrupt.

It is difficult to tell where the omnipresent government stops and the rest of society begins, but it juggles the competing demands of Education, Welfare, and Environment. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Ardrigh. The average income tax rate is 98.2%.

The enormous but inefficient Ardchoillean economy, worth a remarkable 3,040 trillion brass razoos a year, is driven almost entirely by government activity. The industrial sector is solely comprised of the Book Publishing industry. Average income is 72,637 brass razoos, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

The government spends more on chasing distant comets than on basic infrastructure, religious figures have been banned from public holidays to make them more multicultural, skateparks can be found in every city, and an increasing percentage of the population's youth have homosexual parents. Crime is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Ardchoille's national animal is the domestic cat, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Felinitous Wicca.

Ardchoille is ranked 282,460^th in the world and 4^th in Zhaucauozian Friendship for Largest Cheese Export Sector, scoring -16.97 on the Mozzarella Productivity Index.