The Holy Autocratic Empire of Alphanix is a massive, efficient nation, ruled by Nikolas the Disciple of Alphanix with an iron fist, and renowned for its aversion to nipples, punitive income tax rates, and restrictive gun laws. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless, devout population of 4.892 billion Nixians are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The large, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government prioritizes Industry, with Education, Healthcare, and Defense also on the agenda. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Mater Mariae Portus. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 75.8%.

The frighteningly efficient Alphanixian economy, worth 651 trillion Holy Dinars a year, is fairly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with major contributions from Tourism, Cheese Exports, and Book Publishing. Black market activity is rampant. Average income is an impressive 133,085 Holy Dinars, but there is a significant disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 426,000 per year while the poor average 31,560, a ratio of 13.5 to 1.

It is a common belief that a sport isn't sport if there are no decapitations, army uniforms are replaced en masse to accommodate adult soldiers, new religious sects are squashed immediately by the government, and wedding bands come in pairs to form wedding manacles. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Alphanix's national animal is the Lamb of God, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Roman Catholicism.

Alphanix is ranked 299,932^nd in the world and 325^th in The League for Most Cheerful Citizens, with 43.9 Percentage Of Water Glasses Perceived Half-Full.