The Empire of Aikoland is a gargantuan, cultured nation, ruled by Prime Minister Mélodie Bélanger with an even hand, and renowned for its barren, inhospitable landscape, aversion to nipples, and spontaneously combusting cars. The hard-nosed, hard-working, democratic, humorless, devout population of 21.908 billion Aikolandais are either ruled by a sleek, efficient government or a conglomerate of multinational corporations; it's difficult to tell which.

The minute, corrupt, pro-business government, or what there is of one, is primarily concerned with Industry, with Education, Defense, and Administration also on the agenda, while Welfare and Environment receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Ville d'Aiko. Income tax is unheard of.

The frighteningly efficient Aikolandais economy, worth a remarkable 7,584 trillion Aikolandais francs a year, is driven almost entirely by the private sector, which is broadly diversified and led by the Retail industry, with major contributions from Information Technology, Uranium Mining, and Book Publishing. Average income is an amazing 346,210 Aikolandais francs, but there is a vast disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 2,873,636 per year while the poor average 8,382, a ratio of 342 to 1.

Business meetings across the country are interrupted by the sound of squeaking whoopee-cushions, boot polish is the favourite lip gloss of entry-level corporate workers, bleach is the nation's most common pesticide, and frequent broken zippers have resulted in safety pins making a fashion comeback. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown. Aikoland's national animal is the Aikolandais crested eagle, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to toxic air pollution.

Aikoland is ranked 684^th in the world and 2^nd in Osakaland for Fattest Citizens, with 73.56 Obesity Rate.