by Max Barry

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Largest Trout Fishing Sector: 30thMost World Assembly Endorsements: 79thLargest Cheese Export Sector: 120th
The Weed-Choked Lawn of
Father Knows Best State
Always fighting crime -- especially youth-related.
Civil Rights
Political Freedom

Overview Factbook Dispatches Policies People Government Economy Rank Trend Cards

A mean old man

Population27.941 billion

Capitalthe world
Leadera tired and angry old fart

Currencycolostomy bag
Animalreally old cat

The Weed-Choked Lawn of A mean old man is a gargantuan, efficient nation, ruled by a tired and angry old fart with an iron fist, and renowned for its closed borders, prohibition of alcohol, and complete lack of public education. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless population of 27.941 billion geriatrics are ruled by a mostly-benevolent dictator, who grants the populace the freedom to live their own lives but watches carefully for anyone to slip up.

The tiny, corrupt, well-organized government is effectively ruled by the Department of Defense, although Industry, Healthcare, and Environment are also considered important, while Social Policy and Welfare are ignored. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of the world. Income tax is unheard of.

The frighteningly efficient old as hell economy, worth a remarkable 9,667 trillion colostomy bags a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with significant contributions from Trout Farming, Door-to-door Insurance Sales, and Automobile Manufacturing. Black market activity is extensive. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an amazing 345,985 colostomy bags, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.5 times as much as the poorest.

Maintaining economic growth is no laughing matter, petitioners are increasingly resorting to climbing through a tired and angry old fart's window to draw attention to their issues, politicians' financial records are locked up tighter than the nation's colostomy bag reserves, and Merry Birthday is a popular protest song despite the risk of fines and royalty dues. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown. A mean old man's national animal is the really old cat, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is forgotten.

A mean old man is ranked 40,775th in the world and 881st in The East Pacific for Most Subsidized Industry, scoring 3,375.31 on the Gilded Widget Scale.

Largest Trout Fishing Sector: 30thMost World Assembly Endorsements: 79thLargest Cheese Export Sector: 120thLargest Insurance Industry: 196thLargest Pizza Delivery Sector: 243rdMost Influential: 305thHighest Disposable Incomes: 471stLargest Automobile Manufacturing Sector: 560thHighest Economic Output: 678thLowest Overall Tax Burden: 861stLargest Agricultural Sector: 1,028thLargest Furniture Restoration Industry: 1,064thMost Corrupt Governments: 1,110thHighest Average Incomes: 1,543rdLargest Timber Woodchipping Industry: 1,594thHighest Poor Incomes: 1,607thLargest Manufacturing Sector: 1,617thMost Advanced Defense Forces: 2,342ndLowest Crime Rates: 2,591stTop
Largest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 2,755thLargest Black Market: 3,015thLargest Mining Sector: 3,411thMost Beautiful Environments: 3,612thLargest Populations: 3,972ndMost Patriotic: 4,008thLargest Basket Weaving Sector: 4,239thBest Weather: 5,253rdHighest Wealthy Incomes: 6,638thLargest Soda Pop Sector: 6,918thLargest Governments: 7,284thMost Secular: 9,261stMost Ignorant Citizens: 9,336thMost Popular Tourist Destinations: 11,278thHighest Foreign Aid Spending: 12,758thTop
Longest Average Lifespans: 14,386thMost Efficient Economies: 19,237thMost Scientifically Advanced: 20,211thLargest Information Technology Sector: 22,519thMost Eco-Friendly Governments: 23,686thFattest Citizens: 25,724th
Largest Trout Fishing Sector: 2nd in the regionLargest Cheese Export Sector: 3rd in the regionMost World Assembly Endorsements: 3rd in the regionLargest Pizza Delivery Sector: 4th in the regionMost Influential: 5th in the regionLargest Automobile Manufacturing Sector: 5th in the regionLargest Insurance Industry: 6th in the regionHighest Disposable Incomes: 8th in the regionHighest Economic Output: 13th in the regionLowest Overall Tax Burden: 14th in the regionLargest Agricultural Sector: 22nd in the regionLargest Furniture Restoration Industry: 23rd in the regionLargest Timber Woodchipping Industry: 25th in the regionMost Corrupt Governments: 27th in the regionLargest Manufacturing Sector: 30th in the regionLargest Populations: 31st in the regionHighest Average Incomes: 33rd in the regionHighest Poor Incomes: 40th in the regionMost Advanced Defense Forces: 52nd in the regionLargest Black Market: 55th in the regionLargest Mining Sector: 55th in the regionLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 60th in the regionLowest Crime Rates: 76th in the regionMost Patriotic: 89th in the regionMost Beautiful Environments: 109th in the regionTop
Largest Soda Pop Sector: 140th in the regionHighest Wealthy Incomes: 143rd in the regionBest Weather: 157th in the regionLargest Basket Weaving Sector: 179th in the regionLargest Governments: 207th in the regionMost Secular: 294th in the regionMost Ignorant Citizens: 304th in the regionMost Popular Tourist Destinations: 338th in the regionHighest Foreign Aid Spending: 362nd in the regionRudest Citizens: 437th in the regionMost Efficient Economies: 442nd in the regionFattest Citizens: 458th in the regionLongest Average Lifespans: 460th in the regionMost Stationary: 506th in the regionHighest Drug Use: 563rd in the regionMost Scientifically Advanced: 573rd in the regionTop
Largest Information Technology Sector: 613th in the regionMost Eco-Friendly Governments: 649th in the regionMost Subsidized Industry: 881st in the regionMost Advanced Public Transport: 895th in the regionMost Valuable International Artwork: 896th in the regionMost Extensive Public Healthcare: 971st in the regionMost Developed: 1,055th in the region

National Happenings

Most Recent Government Activity:


World Assembly

Endorsements Received: 593 » Brotherland, Todd McCloud, Marrabuk, Plazland, Kelssek, Barfleur, ReeK, Headpat Central, FreedomIand, Iodinia, Enlil, Freedomindia, Dragonia, New Bradenia Ghost, Seri Tai Republic, Taurora, Amjedia, A Slanted Black Stripe, Kangarawa, Squarist Republic of Squaria, Unger under over, Wanabe, Abtracnt, 3 14159265358979323846264, Edmontia, Zang0, Wiranath, Talitoa, Axdel, Lingu, Azureano, Bachtendekuppen, Of Centralist Brexit, New Leganes, Ripsylvania, The Three States of Fortuna, Spiruvania, Arkalarius, Aeljae, ReReReRepublic, The Death Syndicate, Peatiktist, Elejamie, Fellon, Slys Paws, BearStackof2015, Roliganistan, Euricanis, Tshana, Trimmania, and 543 others.Davinhia, Bai Lung, Malayku, Chria Deau, The Almighty Country, Republic of Berzerkistan, Lanagon, Impia Aghte, Sheelberite, Firenation91, Lundenia, Lyontisia, Grossvietnam, Ridann, Drunken Seal Islands, Lurolona, The Empire of Rijelv, The Solar Ottomans, Harro Waarudho, Adavan, United China Nation, Duracell, Propwash, Rhealaliit, Slongs, Packilvania, Icelandic Imperium, Sengsara, Kyrtizhan, Enou, Narinoland, Kublam, Centrical Union, Lantros, Kucia, Lorynia, Janoobi Jazair, Noreds Thereneuthene, Bullpups, Southern Yugoslavia, Kagorg Bra Corna, Konneticut, Dannemarie, Federation of Knights, Techny, Great Aztlatan CommonWealth, Islandian Free States, Aihon, Rainbow Vests, Pekweng, Komiker Mawrysharken, Mundiferrum, Samaltak True, Stellar Colonies, Debluu, United Order Republic, Dorles, Empire of Dabiristan, CheeseBurrito, Dravida India, The Federation of Osea and Yukotobonia, Kriov, Serkin, Daenyearly, Norna Chitya, Cacnesia, Coruh, Darkfull, Oofery, Modra, Karatol-Advenra, From New World, Capave, Pizza devil cat, Order of the Saint Dumas, Neldas, Azeel, Fontesia, Tennabroch, Kalaratri, The Armed Savages, The planet nation, Nationalist Gilgeria, Ulvesogullr, Roma IV, Ad Honorem Dei, The Great Andes, Danelaw Scandinavia, West Swedania, Busto arsizio2, Harpiatopia, Blobbo, Middle 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