The GRAND★IMPERIAL★COMMONWEALTH of GOLTZBORG is a gargantuan, orderly nation, ruled by Comrade Chairman Smirnoff with an iron fist, and notable for its state-planned economy, zero percent divorce rate, and disturbing lack of elderly people. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 11.472 billion GOLTZBORGians are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The enormous, corrupt, moralistic, socially-minded, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Defense, and Healthcare. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of ★ Goltzburg Capital Zone CZ ★. The average income tax rate is 96.7%.

The frighteningly efficient GOLTZBORGian economy, worth a remarkable 1,600 trillion digitDollar dDs a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is quite specialized, is mostly made up of the Arms Manufacturing industry, with significant contributions from Information Technology, Woodchip Exports, and Furniture Restoration. Average income is an impressive 139,496 digitDollar dDs, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Discarded pennies litter the streets, convicted crypto-miners are sent to the salt mines, officials pull all-nighters to check immigrants for potential links to terrorists, and skateboarding is punishable by heavy fines. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. GOLTZBORG's national animal is the Double-Headed Eagle, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies, and its national religion is Goltz Eastern Imperial Orthodox Church.

GOLTZBORG is ranked 3,111^th in the world and 1^st in The IMPERIUM for Lowest Crime Rates, with 129.28 law-abiding acts per hour.