The Holy Hawaiian Empire of Holy Hawaiian Empire is a massive, socially progressive nation, ruled by Holy Hawaiian Empress Topou I with an even hand, and remarkable for its rum-swilling pirates, zero percent divorce rate, and unlimited-speed roads. The hard-nosed, hard-working, devout population of 4.438 billion Holy Hawaiians enjoy some of the most opulent lifestyles in the region, unless they are unemployed or working-class, in which case they are variously starving to death or crippled by easily preventable diseases.

The tiny, corrupt, pro-business government prioritizes Industry, although Administration, Healthcare, and Education are also considered important, while International Aid and Defense aren't funded at all. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Frankolulu. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 3.7%.

The frighteningly efficient Holy Hawaiian economy, worth 671 trillion Holy Hawaiian Dolla Dolla Bills a year, is driven almost entirely by the private sector, which is broadly diversified and led by the Retail industry, with significant contributions from Soda Sales, Gambling, and Arms Manufacturing. Average income is an impressive 151,335 Holy Hawaiian Dolla Dolla Bills, but there is a large disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 685,619 per year while the poor average 20,495, a ratio of 33.5 to 1.

People are often woken up by rubbish music, small children are learning a lot of new words from a teacher with Tourette Syndrome, the government is known to care more about its buildings than its people, and people typically base their votes on which party has the cutest logo. Crime, especially youth-related, is all-pervasive, perhaps because of the country's complete lack of prisons. Holy Hawaiian Empire's national animal is the Holy Hawaiian Two-Headed Monk Seal, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Holy Hawaiian Imperialism.

Holy Hawaiian Empire is ranked 130,582^nd in the world and 2^nd in Holy Hawaiian Empire for Most Advanced Public Education, scoring 1,469.72 on the Edu-tellignce® Test Score.