The Arguments of Hemogard is a mammoth, efficient nation, ruled by Ernest Drake with a fair hand, and remarkable for its smutty television, devotion to social welfare, and stringent health and safety legislation. The compassionate, democratic, cheerful population of 6.503 billion Hemogardians love a good election, and the government gives them plenty of them. Universities tend to be full of students debating the merits of various civil and political rights, while businesses are tightly regulated and the wealthy viewed with suspicion.

The government — a sprawling, bureaucracy-choked, outspoken morass — juggles the competing demands of Education, Administration, and Environment. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Mariiataria. The income tax rate is 100%.

The frighteningly efficient Hemogardian economy, worth a remarkable 1,213 trillion marks a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is quite specialized, is led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Tourism, Book Publishing, and Basket Weaving. Average income is an impressive 186,567 marks, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Foreign heads of state have taken out restraining orders against Hemogardian ambassadors, innocent defendants often plead guilty for fear of receiving a much harsher sentence before jury, welfare funding has recently gone through the roof, and national parks have long lines of different gender-specific 'Porta-Pottys'. Crime is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Hemogard's national animal is the trout, which frolics freely in the nation's sparkling oceans.

Hemogard is ranked 330,978^th in the world and 2^nd in The Church of Eris for Highest Unexpected Death Rate, scoring 16.67 on the Bus Surprisal Index.