The National Confederation of Helcretia is a massive, safe nation, ruled by President William H K Waltz with an iron fist, and renowned for its museums and concert halls, irreverence towards religion, and punitive income tax rates. The compassionate, hard-working, cynical, cheerful population of 1.643 billion Helcretians are ruled by a mostly-benevolent dictator, who grants the populace the freedom to live their own lives but watches carefully for anyone to slip up.

The medium-sized, corrupt government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Education, and Industry. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of New East Helwest. The average income tax rate is 76.7%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Helcretian economy, worth 255 trillion Irons a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with major contributions from Tourism, Information Technology, and Book Publishing. Average income is an impressive 155,662 Irons, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.9 times as much as the poorest.

Unpopular cops are fired at a moment's notice by the citizens they police, minority children spend hours bussing to schools miles away from home, AI chess masters play the Bongcloud opening to mock their human opponents, and the government has officially clarified that "wee on your hands to save time" does not count as proper hygiene. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Helcretia's national animal is the Falcon, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies, and its national religion is Hyfelianity.

Helcretia is ranked 11,503^rd in the world and 10^th in New United Kingdom of Albion for Most Cultured, scoring 108 on the Snufflebottom-Wiggendum Pentatonic Scale.