The Liberty Lover of Conservative Values is a gargantuan, efficient nation, ruled by Barry Goldwater with an even hand, and remarkable for its barren, inhospitable landscape, complete lack of public education, and spontaneously combusting cars. The hard-nosed, hard-working population of 29.105 billion Conservatives are free to succeed or fail in life on their own merits; the successful tend to enjoy an opulent (but moralistic) lifestyle, while the failures can be seen crowding out most jails.

The minute, pro-business government, or what there is of one, is solely concerned with Law & Order. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Washington. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 4.3%.

The powerhouse Conservative economy, worth a remarkable 1,929 trillion gippers a year, is driven almost entirely by the private sector, which is broadly diversified and led by the Uranium Mining industry, with major contributions from Basket Weaving, Retail, and Book Publishing. Average income is 66,284 gippers, but there is a vast disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 498,251 per year while the poor average 2,528, a ratio of 197 to 1.

Nervous homeowners have been blamed for rising death rates amongst carol singers and locksmiths, research into 'designer babies' is banned, record sales of 'child-whacking sticks' have been reported, and citizens simply have to point a weapon at a government official to get what they want. Crime is a problem, possibly because it is difficult to make it through a day without breaking one of the country's many regulations. Conservative Values's national animal is the eagle, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to toxic air pollution, and its national religion is Christianity.

Conservative Values is ranked 283,379^th in the world and 2^nd in Conservative League for Lowest Crime Rates, with 52.23 law-abiding acts per hour.