The Free Lands of Coffin-Breathe is a gargantuan, safe nation, ruled by primus inter pares with an even hand, and remarkable for its compulsory vegetarianism, daily referendums, and devotion to social welfare. The compassionate, cheerful population of 31.194 billion Coffin-Breathren are fiercely patriotic and enjoy great social equality; they tend to view other, more capitalist countries as somewhat immoral and corrupt.

The enormous, socially-minded government prioritizes Education, although Administration, Environment, and Welfare are also considered important, while Spirituality and Defense receive no funds. The income tax rate is 100%.

The frighteningly efficient Coffin-Breathish economy, worth a remarkable 8,097 trillion needlesses a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is highly specialized, is mostly made up of the Book Publishing industry, with significant contributions from Tourism and Information Technology. Average income is an amazing 259,597 needlesses, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

SPAM is illegal but spam is everywhere, government workers are more efficient and more unhappy than ever, the experimental sculpture "Overtures In Dried Homo Sapiens Dung" has been declared a national treasure, and holiday light displays just aren't the same without seizure-inducing strobe effects. Crime is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Coffin-Breathe's national animal is the homo sapiens, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is there are no gods.

Coffin-Breathe is ranked 736^th in the world and 2^nd in Greifenreservat for Lowest Crime Rates, with 180.51 law-abiding acts per hour.