The Holy Pâtissier of Linguiniland is a colossal, genial nation, ruled by Princess Turdina with a fair hand, and remarkable for its frequent executions, national health service, and multi-spousal wedding ceremonies. The compassionate, democratic population of 9.83 billion Linguinilandians hold their civil and political rights very dear, although the wealthy and those in business tend to be viewed with suspicion.

The large government juggles the competing demands of Education, Healthcare, and Industry. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Mewni. The average income tax rate is 90.5%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Linguinilandian economy, worth a remarkable 1,291 trillion Dragon Scaleses a year, is quite specialized and led by the Information Technology industry, with significant contributions from Tourism, Book Publishing, and Trout Farming. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is an impressive 131,423 Dragon Scaleses, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Citizens are regularly found digging for treasure in their gardens, schools have extensive counseling programs for troubled students, excessive wheelchair ramps on government buildings have been compared to theme park attractions, and the military has grudgingly released all top secret information in an effort for greater transparency. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Linguiniland's national animal is the Pink Fairy Armadillo, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies, and its national religion is Aupheliaism.

Linguiniland is ranked 30,704^th in the world and 966^th in the South Pacific for Largest Retail Industry, scoring 5,752.09 on the Shrinkwrap Consignment Productivity Index.