The Kingdom of Esgeirimmen is a gargantuan, efficient nation, ruled by Torgaf Müller with an even hand, and remarkable for its complete lack of prisons, vat-grown people, and devotion to social welfare. The compassionate, democratic population of 12.266 billion Allers enjoy extensive civil rights and enjoy a level of social equality free from the usual accompanying government corruption.

The government — a sprawling, bureaucracy-choked morass — prioritizes Education, with Environment, Healthcare, and Administration also on the agenda, while Defense and Spirituality receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Windhelm. The average income tax rate is 98.0%.

The frighteningly efficient Allisch economy, worth a remarkable 1,670 trillion thalers a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is highly specialized, is led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Book Publishing and Tourism. Average income is an impressive 136,217 thalers, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Tax-payers are funding ever more extravagant movie projects, customs officers pretend not to hear shouts of "HELP LET ME OUT!" emerging from diplomatic bags, school uniforms are compulsory, and the government defends a woman's right to choose. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Esgeirimmen's national animal is the dog, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Heathenism.

Esgeirimmen is ranked 308,386^th in the world and 75^th in The Internationale for Most Avoided, scoring 0.46 on the Kardashian Reflex Score.