The Kolechia Hater of Artstokska is a massive, efficient nation, ruled by Lamp with an iron fist, and remarkable for its barren, inhospitable landscape, pith helmet sales, and zero percent divorce rate. The compassionate, hard-working, cynical, devout population of 2.048 billion Lamps are ruled by a mostly-benevolent dictator, who grants the populace the freedom to live their own lives but watches carefully for anyone to slip up.

The large, corrupt government juggles the competing demands of Industry, Defense, and Administration. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Lamp. The average income tax rate is 72.7%.

The frighteningly efficient Artstokskan economy, worth 266 trillion Lamps a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with major contributions from Retail, Information Technology, and Uranium Mining. Black market activity is notable. Average income is an impressive 130,236 Lamps, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 4.4 times as much as the poorest.

School teachers check the staff room for hidden webcams before complaining about rebellious students, the military has gone fission for more funding, foreign ambassadors closely guard their culinary secrets, and there's more than one way to skin a diplomat. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Artstokska's national animal is the Lamp, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Lamp.

Artstokska is ranked 28,415^th in the world and 1^st in Silly for Most Advanced Defense Forces, scoring 7,515.24 on the Total War Preparedness Rating.