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Post by The mejobsworth suppressed by Gaveloi.
Oh dear, who has upset you Granny Grumps?
Post by Sheeplike people suppressed by Gaveloi.
Baaa, she obviously can't ride a bike, old misery. Eh?
Post by Nappa gisburn suppressed by Gaveloi.
Just cos the TdY didn't go to the Wolds.
Post by Wetwang on the wolds suppressed by Gaveloi.
Just so you all know, I have no need of a bike since we obtained the state tuctuc, and Ted learned to drive it, thus becoming chauffeur in chief.
You can keep your bike Mr Honitonia, it's too much like hard work, there's over many hills round here, but thank you for the offer.
As for you pair Sheepy and Nappy - you are off the official Xmas card list now.
Grandma (there's no one quite like me)
Post by The mejobsworth suppressed by Gaveloi.
Alright for you getting chauffeured about Granny, the rest of us are glad of the old pushbike now and again. I am sure Ted probably gives you more than the odd ride in the tuctuc!! Nudge nudge, wink wink, know what I mean....
Post by Wetwang on the wolds suppressed by Gaveloi.
I will have you know that Ted behaves with the utmost propriety Jobby. And furthermore, he assures me that he doesn't have a tattoo of a wellington boot upon his nether regions.
Grandma (there's no one quite like me)
Post by Honitonia suppressed by Gaveloi.
Interesting, who is this grandma lady? Does she keep the region in check? Wellington boot tattoos, I have a friend with a Pineapple on her bum but not a wellington boot. How bizarre.
Post by Wetwang on the wolds suppressed by Gaveloi.
Mr Honny, I am the democratically elected leader of Wetwang on the Wolds.
Jobby does not have a tattoo, he has a birthmark in the shape of a wellington, so anyone wanting to emulate him would need to have a tattoo. Ted does not have one - or so he tells me. In the past Jobby has had a bit of a carry on with Mimi, poor woman was driven demented by him and had to be walled up somewhere.
Please do not confuse the issue with talk of pineapples.
Since you are newish here, you may care to buy several barrels of our finest triple distilled nettle tonic, or a few pounds of this seasons sequins, fresh off the sequin bushes down the sequin mines. Both of these items can only be purchased from us here at Wetwang on the Wolds.
Grandma (there's no one quite like me)
p.s. the nettle tonic is very potent
Post by Honitonia suppressed by Gaveloi.
Well thank you very much for putting me in the picture grandma. I must admit to not really understanding a lot of it, I need to get up to speed so to speak, especially with regard to jobby and mimi!! I am very interested in this nettle tonic, at the right price of course, mind you I have no idea what on earth these sequins that grow on bushes are(?) I hope they are not a disguised name for some mind altering something or other, been there got the teashirt. Is Ted your lover or just a plaything?
Post by Wetwang on the wolds suppressed by Gaveloi.
How many times do you need telling - Ted is the chauffeur - nothing more. I do consult with him on state matters if I think he may be able to help, but that's the extent of his work here.
Grandad would not be best pleased if these wicked rumours got to his ears - I know he has had dalliances in the past, but he's still Grandad ! He is a bit hard of hearing these days, thank goodness.
The sequins that grow on the sequin bushes down the mines are not a mind altering substance, they are very pretty things that Mrs Honny might like to sew on her frocks to pretty them up a bit. We have new colours this season. They are all hand picked by immigrant workers, who clear off the minute the last sequin is off the bush !
I will send Ted over with a sample barrel of our finest triple distilled nettle tonic for you to try - he will be there in the state tuctuc before nightfall - if you could accommodate him overnight it would be appreciated, being as the tuctuc has no lights.
Grandma (there's no one quite like me)
Post by Honitonia suppressed by Gaveloi.
Sorry, did not mean to upset you, just me being a bit naughty. Hey look, I have heard of diamond mines, gold mines coal mines and the like but never sequin mines. I always thought sequins were those little plastic things but you learn every day don't you? I got the nettle tonic thank you and put ted up for the night, I can see how you don't have any relations with him, he is a bit weird to say the least. The tuctuc broke down, so I have given the bill for mending it to ted, he was not best pleased, but come on grandma the stupid machine has see better days. Ted says you will not spend a penny on it, I said it would run better on petrol.
The nettle tonic is great, but tends to burn my tongue, how strong is it because last night I thought ted looked lovely!!!!
Post by Wetwang on the wolds suppressed by Gaveloi.
You were warned as to the potency Mr Honny.
The question now is - where is Ted, he hasn't returned here yet. And no word.
Please don't be critical of our state transport, it's all we can afford and it's served us very well up to now.
Grandma (there's no one quite like me)
Post by Wetwang on the wolds suppressed by Gaveloi.
Ted has not yet returned. Where is the state tuctuc.
Grandma (there's no one quite like me)
Post by The mejobsworth suppressed by Gaveloi.
Has Ted and the state Tuctuc gone missing again? He either has no sense of direction, or simply no sense Granny. He may have done a detour to see some old friends, then again he may just be lost.
Post by Wetwang on the wolds suppressed by Gaveloi.
I can only blame that Mr Honny - it would seem it was him that saw Ted last, and this after he had a free trial of our finest triple distilled nettle tonic.
Grandma (there's no one quite like me)
Post by Honitonia suppressed by Gaveloi.
I put ted up for the night (i think) and that was the last I saw of him or that useless tuctuc. He moaned all the time about you granny but I cannot say where he went to after leaving here. The nettle tonic is ok but needs a god slug of vodka to make it a proper drink.
Post by Sheeplike people suppressed by Gaveloi.
Baaa, don't take any notice of Granny Grumps Honny man, she is always going on about Ted and his TucTuc. I think he could be the reason Mimi is locked away. The Nettle Tonic does not need Vodka my friend, Granny must have sent you the watered down tonic in my opinion. Eh?
Post by Beerbellied missourian ambassadors suppressed by Gaveloi.
The heat is back, unfortunately. 33 with a heat index of 42.
Post by Wetwang on the wolds suppressed by Gaveloi.
But Ted isn't back - nor is the state tuctuc.
Reward of 5 barrels of our finest triple distilled nettle tonic and 5 pounds of this seasons sequins to whoever has news of the tuctuc.
Grandma (there's no one quite like me)
Post by South yorkshire suppressed by Gaveloi.
It would seem Honitonia you were the last to see Ted and Grandma's beloved Tuctuc. To add to this, the suggestion to add Vodka to the superb Nettle Tonic, well that just beggars belief! So come on own up, what have you done to Ted???
Post by Honitonia suppressed by Gaveloi.
I have not seen ted since he left the other day, the tuctuc was running a bit rough so he may have broken down somewhere. I may have been a little hasty in my opinion of the tonic, seems I just need to get used to it.
Post by Wetwang on the wolds suppressed by Gaveloi.
Mr Honny, Ted has still not returned, and more importantly, neither has the state tuctuc. This gives me a bit of a problem, as I have a function to attend, and no way of getting there.
Grandad has a driving licence, but I don't altogether trust him with a vehicle - he would be too busy looking at the young ladies he passed.
So I need my tuctuc back - without delay. You will note ther is a reward offered for it's return.
Grandma (there's no one quite like me)
Post by Honitonia suppressed by Gaveloi.
I have not got your tuctuc, nor do I know where ted is. How much is the reward?
Post by Wetwang on the wolds suppressed by Gaveloi.
Reward of 5 barrels of our finest triple distilled nettle tonic and 5 pounds of this seasons sequins to whoever has news of the tuctuc.
I have had to attend a function on a handcart - the shame of it. Grandad wasn't very good at pushing either.
I shall have to look at resourcing a vehicle, I can't be having a performance like this morning.
Grandma (there's no one quite like me)
p.s. I blame Mr Honny
Post by Operation citadel suppressed by Gaveloi.
Did we get invaded again? I slept through it all
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