by Max Barry

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«12. . .81828384858687. . .160161»

Sheeplike people

Baaa, nowt goin on ere at moment is there?

because its summer.

The mejobsworth

You may well be right Laaghland, though I must say it is unusually quiet. Oh well just enjoying the sunshine with a Beer.

Well I'm in Barcelona at the moment, and I'll have to go to Italy next week and then I have to go to Montenegro and finally at Macedonia before getting back to the UK. fun fun fun.

South yorkshire

Alright for some, hope you have taken a Yorkshire flag with you and are waving it at every possible opportunity?

You say that but I often have to travel purely for business, although Macedonia is to see my girlfriend, and I was nearby...

Beautiful lisa

Has anyone seen my dog? I was going fishing this morning down on the lake with my dog (Monkberry moon delight) when he ran off. I think the bitch over the other side must have enticed him in some way, mind you he cannot resist at times!! You can easily recognise him, scruffy black and white coat and stinks like rotting cabbage. Don't go near him but tell him I will not feed him if he does anything naughty to that bitch. Love(Fish for lunch) Lisa.

Wetwang on the wolds

Lisa there is a scrawny mutt hanging about outside Emily Fortesques shack just on the Wetwang on the Wolds border. I don't think it will matter if you don't feed him, as Emily has made the thing a casserole - with dumplings no less, and he is sat scranning that as we speak.

Grandma (there's no one quite like me)

South yorkshire

Curious, who would name a dog after a Paul McCartney tune? Grandma did Emily Fortesque once have a B and B in Bridlington? I once went there on holiday when I was very young and got fed a Casserole of sorts complete with Dumplings. That was very similar to rotting cabbage, poor dog.

Do you guys live nearby or something or am I not getting an inside joke at all?

The mejobsworth

No Laaghland we all reside in Yorkshire but not "nearby" as you put it. It all started a long time ago with wild parties that got a bit out of hand, we had a band called The Commas and the great wall of Yorkshire. We had to get protection from a County next door and General Fuller Schitt came over with his Smooties to keep an eye out. Mimi caused all sorts of bother and was eventually locked up somewhere. One or two nations are always causing some sort of mischief, Ted and the state Tuc Tuc have vanished, though despite numerous requests from Grandma remains missing to this day.
Mattabooloo makes hand crafted Canoes, his MK69 GT Turbo being his crowing glory. Lisa is our cook, she makes all our mouths water with her pies, her sloppy Courgette one a true masterpiece. I could go on but I am sure others will tell you more. Hope that helps, regards Jobby.

PS. Do not mention birthmarks or Dibbers okay?

Sheeplike people

Baaa, now that will confuse him Jobby, confused me as well! Who the hell is this Emily Fortesque Granny, sounds like a real bundle of fun,eh?

Wetwang on the wolds

Emily lives alone in her shack - but she obviously feels a little bit lonely as she has really befriended this mutt - the canine creature has been seen today festooned with pink ribbons. Best not to ask me thinks.

Grandma (there's no one quite like me)

Wetwang on the wolds

Mr South Yorkshire, no Emily never lived in Bridlington, she is scared of water, and if you were within 10 yards of her you would realise that.

Grandma (there's no one quite like me)

Emily's hut, isn't that the one by the Wetwang household waste recycling centre that has all the flies buzzing round it and a smell which would corrode a stainless steel sink emanating from it?

Wetwang on the wolds

Post by Wetwang on the wolds suppressed by Ussd delegation to yorkshire.

Wetwang on the wolds

That'll be the one Nappy, you can often see Emily raking about over the landfill, and carting stuff home in an old pram.

Grandma (there's no one quite like me)

Post by The mejobsworth suppressed by Ussd delegation to yorkshire.

The mejobsworth

It aint half hot!

Wetwang on the wolds

Post by Wetwang on the wolds suppressed by Ussd delegation to yorkshire.

Wetwang on the wolds

You should see the flies round Emily's shack. She was sat outside today in a deckchair she recovered from the tip - it was like a commode with a hole in the seat. She still has that dog with her, poor thing is all covered in ribbons, bits of lace - all sorts. Still it seems to very quickly have become fond of Emily and folllows her about, I really hope it's real owner doesn't rock up and claim it, as I think that would have Emily distraught, and I can't be doing with that at the moment.

Grandma (there's no one quite like me)

Post by Wetwang on the wolds suppressed by Ussd delegation to yorkshire.

Wetwang on the wolds

There is to be an election in Wetwang on the Wolds. Of course this will not affect my postion, as I am President for Life - and maybe beyond.
There are a number of cabinet posts up for grabs, so we shall see what happens. a list of candidates will be published in due course, in order that citizens can decide on the best person for the job.

Grandma (there's no one quite like me)

Post by Wetwang on the wolds suppressed by Ussd delegation to yorkshire.

Wetwang on the wolds

oh good grief - first name on the candidates list - Leticia Featherstonehaugh - she wants to be the Chancellor - not too sure about this.

Grandma (there's no one quite like me)

Post by Nappa gisburn suppressed by Ussd delegation to yorkshire.

Leticia - isn't she married to Maximilian Cholmondley, the owner of the Wetwang surf 'n' turf emporium? I saw their pictures in the East Riding Shellfishing Gazette.

Wetwang on the wolds

Post by Wetwang on the wolds suppressed by Ussd delegation to yorkshire.

Wetwang on the wolds

Nappy she used to be married to Maximilian, but it all went pear shaped when she was caught with the stable lad - young Sydney Sitheebotham.
Strangely enough, Maximilian is one of the candidates for the election- he had his name next to the Minister without Portfolio - whoever gets that job has to cary their papers about in a carrier bag.

Grandma (there's no one quite like me)

Post by Nappa gisburn suppressed by Ussd delegation to yorkshire.

They're separated? Such a shame, he in his catering whites, her in jodhpurs and riding hat, they looked such a delightful couple.

Wetwang on the wolds

Post by Wetwang on the wolds suppressed by Ussd delegation to yorkshire.

Wetwang on the wolds

Ah well - her head was turned by a bit of a lad. It was a mere passing fancy for young Sydney, as he went on to marry Mavis "Mave the Rave" Middernough - she used to be the milkmaid on Max's dads farm. Sydney and Mave now have 12 kids, and heaven knows how much family allowance they get as they are one of the richest couples in the region. I believe it's in the new Chancellors remit - whoever it might be - that this is to be curtailed, no allowances for any after the first - that'll bring 'em down with a bump. And Sydney will have to start looking for a job.

Grandma (there's no one quite like me)

Post by Nappa gisburn suppressed by Ussd delegation to yorkshire.

So who is Leticia stepping out with now?

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