Aperture Laboratories RMB

WA Delegate: None.

Founder: The Neverending Story of East Hylia

World Factbook Entry

Huzzah! Huzzah! Huzzah! This region proved no match for a charge by The Black Riders!

Occupied by LinkThe Black Riders! Our lair can be found Linkhere

Into the battle rode the following riders:
General Halcones
Ridus
Vandoosa

Embassies: The Black Riders.

Tags: Minuscule and Invader.

Aperture Laboratories contains 2 nations.

ActivityHistoryAdministration

Today's World Census Report

The Largest Soda Pop Sector in Aperture Laboratories

As a region, Aperture Laboratories is ranked 14,490th in the world for Largest Soda Pop Sector.

#NationWA CategoryMotto
1.The Rogue Nation of Wheatly LaboratoriesCorrupt Dictatorship“I am NOT a MORON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
2.The Neverending Story of East HyliaIron Fist Consumerists“Excogitavi; Accepi; Vici”

Regional Happenings

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Aperture Laboratories Regional Message Board

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Post by East Hylia suppressed by Vandoosa Vierzehn.

Congratulations! The simple fact that you're standing here listening to me means you've made a glorious contribution to science. As founder and CEO of Aperture Science I thank you for your participation and hope that we can count on you for another round of tests.

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Post by East Hylia suppressed by Vandoosa Vierzehn.

Those of you helping us test the repulsion gel today, just follow the blue line on the floor. Those of you who volunteered to be injected with praying mantis DNA, I've got some good news and some bad news: bad news is we're postponing those tests indefinitely. Good news is we've got a much better test for you: fighting an army of mantis men. Pick up a rifle and follow the yellow line. You'll know when the test starts.

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Post by East Hylia suppressed by Vandoosa Vierzehn.

The average human male is about 60% water. Far as we're concerned that's a little extravagant. So if you feel a bit dehydrated in this next test, that's normal. We're gonna hit you with some jet engines and see if we can't get you down to 20 or 30 per cent.

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Post by East Hylia suppressed by Vandoosa Vierzehn.

For this next test we put nanoparticles in the gel. In layman's terms, that's a billion little gizmos that are gonna travel into your bloodstream and pump experimental genes and RNA molecules and so forth into your tumours. Now maybe you don't have any tumours. Well don't worry, if you sat on a folding chair in the lobby and weren't wearing lead underpants we took care of that too.

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Post by East Hylia suppressed by Vandoosa Vierzehn.

Just a heads up: that coffee we gave you earlier had fluorescent calcium in it so we can track the neuronic activity in your brain. There's a slight chance the calcium could harden and vitrify your frontal lobe. Anyway, don't stress yourself thinking about it. I'm serious, visualizing the scenario while under stress actually triggers the reaction.

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Post by East Hylia suppressed by Vandoosa Vierzehn.

If you need to go the bathroom in this next series of tests, please let test associates know. Because in all likelihood, whatever comes out of you is going to be coal. Only temporary, so do not worry. If it persists for a week though, start worrying and come see us, because that's not supposed to happen.

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Post by East Hylia suppressed by Vandoosa Vierzehn.

Now if you're part of control group Kepler-7, we planted a tiny microchip, about the size of a postcard, into your skull. Most likely you've forgotten it's even there, but if it starts vibrating and beeping during this next test let us know, because that means it's about to hit about 500 degrees so we're gonna need to go ahead and get that out of you pretty fast.

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Post by East Hylia suppressed by Vandoosa Vierzehn.

Alright, we're working on a little teleportation experiment. Now this doesn't work with all skin types, so try to remember which skin is yours, and if it doesn't teleport along with you we'll do what we can to sew you right back into it.

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Post by East Hylia suppressed by Vandoosa Vierzehn.

So, welcome to Aperture. You're here because we want the best and you're it. Nope, couldn't keep a straight face. Anyway, don't smudge up the glass down there. In fact, why don't you just go ahead and not touch anything unless it's test related.

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Post by East Hylia suppressed by Vandoosa Vierzehn.

Welcome to Aperture! I was trying to think of a good name for a robotic intelligence core, maybe I should name one after you? You seem like the intelligent kind of go-getter we need at this place.

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