Aperture Laboratories RMB

WA Delegate: None.

Founder: The Neverending Story of East Hylia

BoardActivity History Admin

World Factbook Entry

Welcome to Aperture!

We do what we must, because we can.

This region successfully withstood an attack from the tragically predictable Black Riders! Urinate on their front door.

Tags: Video Game and Minuscule.

Aperture Laboratories contains 3 nations.

Today's World Census Report

The Lowest Unemployment Rates in Aperture Laboratories

World Census experts studied the ratings of daytime television chat shows to determine which nations have the lowest rates of unemployment.

As a region, Aperture Laboratories is ranked 2,270th in the world for Lowest Unemployment Rates.

#NationWA CategoryMotto
1.The Glorious Imperial Empire of KazikamimotoWA MemberFather Knows Best State“You'll die as you lived; in a flash of the blade”
2.The Scientific Non-Moronic State of Wheatly LaboratoriesFather Knows Best State“I am NOT a MORON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
3.The Neverending Story of East HyliaMoralistic Democracy“Excogitavi; Accepi; Vici”

Regional Happenings


Aperture Laboratories Regional Message Board

Congratulations! The simple fact that you're standing here listening to me means you've made a glorious contribution to science. As founder and CEO of Aperture Science I thank you for your participation and hope that we can count on you for another round of tests.

Those of you helping us test the repulsion gel today, just follow the blue line on the floor. Those of you who volunteered to be injected with praying mantis DNA, I've got some good news and some bad news: bad news is we're postponing those tests indefinitely. Good news is we've got a much better test for you: fighting an army of mantis men. Pick up a rifle and follow the yellow line. You'll know when the test starts.

The average human male is about 60% water. Far as we're concerned that's a little extravagant. So if you feel a bit dehydrated in this next test, that's normal. We're gonna hit you with some jet engines and see if we can't get you down to 20 or 30 per cent.

For this next test we put nanoparticles in the gel. In layman's terms, that's a billion little gizmos that are gonna travel into your bloodstream and pump experimental genes and RNA molecules and so forth into your tumours. Now maybe you don't have any tumours. Well don't worry, if you sat on a folding chair in the lobby and weren't wearing lead underpants we took care of that too.

Just a heads up: that coffee we gave you earlier had fluorescent calcium in it so we can track the neuronic activity in your brain. There's a slight chance the calcium could harden and vitrify your frontal lobe. Anyway, don't stress yourself thinking about it. I'm serious, visualizing the scenario while under stress actually triggers the reaction.

If you need to go the bathroom in this next series of tests, please let test associates know. Because in all likelihood, whatever comes out of you is going to be coal. Only temporary, so do not worry. If it persists for a week though, start worrying and come see us, because that's not supposed to happen.

Now if you're part of control group Kepler-7, we planted a tiny microchip, about the size of a postcard, into your skull. Most likely you've forgotten it's even there, but if it starts vibrating and beeping during this next test let us know, because that means it's about to hit about 500 degrees so we're gonna need to go ahead and get that out of you pretty fast.

Alright, we're working on a little teleportation experiment. Now this doesn't work with all skin types, so try to remember which skin is yours, and if it doesn't teleport along with you we'll do what we can to sew you right back into it.

So, welcome to Aperture. You're here because we want the best and you're it. Nope, couldn't keep a straight face. Anyway, don't smudge up the glass down there. In fact, why don't you just go ahead and not touch anything unless it's test related.

Welcome to Aperture! I was trying to think of a good name for a robotic intelligence core, maybe I should name one after you? You seem like the intelligent kind of go-getter we need at this place.

Forum View

by Max Barry

Latest Forum Topics