WA Delegate: None.
Founder: The Neverending Story of East Hylia
Aperture Laboratories contains 3 nations.
Today's World Census Report
The Shortest Average Lifespan in Aperture Laboratories
Citizens of nations ranked highly tend to die earlier, whether from poor health, crime, accident, or government encouragement.
As a region, Aperture Laboratories is ranked 13,877th in the world for Shortest Average Lifespan.
|1.||The Neverending Story of East Hylia||Moralistic Democracy||“Excogitavi; Accepi; Vici”|
|2.||The Scientific Non-Moronic State of Wheatly Laboratories||Corporate Police State||“I am NOT a MORON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”|
|3.||The Glorious Imperial Empire of Kazikamimoto||Father Knows Best State||“You'll die as you lived; in a flash of the blade”|
- 14 minutes ago: The Free Land of Jondon of the region Iura Pecunia et libertas proposed constructing embassies.
- 5 days ago: Embassy established between Aperture Laboratories and Console Alliance.
- 8 days ago: The Neverending Story of East Hylia agreed to construct embassies with Console Alliance.
- 10 days ago: The Most Serene Republic of The Wii U of the region Console Alliance proposed constructing embassies.
- 23 days ago: Embassy established between Aperture Science and Black Mesa and Aperture Laboratories.
- 26 days ago: The Democratic States of Aperture Science Innovators of Tommorrow of the region Aperture Science and Black Mesa agreed to construct embassies.
- 27 days ago: The Neverending Story of East Hylia proposed constructing embassies with Aperture Science and Black Mesa.
- 35 days ago: The Democratic States of Aperture Science Innovators of Tommorrow of the region Aperture Science and Black Mesa proposed constructing embassies.
- 76 days ago: The Glorious Imperial Empire of Kazikamimoto arrived from Varia.
- 103 days ago: Embassy cancelled between The Black Riders and Aperture Laboratories.
Aperture Laboratories Regional Message Board
Those of you helping us test the repulsion gel today, just follow the blue line on the floor. Those of you who volunteered to be injected with praying mantis DNA, I've got some good news and some bad news: bad news is we're postponing those tests indefinitely. Good news is we've got a much better test for you: fighting an army of mantis men. Pick up a rifle and follow the yellow line. You'll know when the test starts.
The average human male is about 60% water. Far as we're concerned that's a little extravagant. So if you feel a bit dehydrated in this next test, that's normal. We're gonna hit you with some jet engines and see if we can't get you down to 20 or 30 per cent.
For this next test we put nanoparticles in the gel. In layman's terms, that's a billion little gizmos that are gonna travel into your bloodstream and pump experimental genes and RNA molecules and so forth into your tumours. Now maybe you don't have any tumours. Well don't worry, if you sat on a folding chair in the lobby and weren't wearing lead underpants we took care of that too.
Just a heads up: that coffee we gave you earlier had fluorescent calcium in it so we can track the neuronic activity in your brain. There's a slight chance the calcium could harden and vitrify your frontal lobe. Anyway, don't stress yourself thinking about it. I'm serious, visualizing the scenario while under stress actually triggers the reaction.
If you need to go the bathroom in this next series of tests, please let test associates know. Because in all likelihood, whatever comes out of you is going to be coal. Only temporary, so do not worry. If it persists for a week though, start worrying and come see us, because that's not supposed to happen.
Now if you're part of control group Kepler-7, we planted a tiny microchip, about the size of a postcard, into your skull. Most likely you've forgotten it's even there, but if it starts vibrating and beeping during this next test let us know, because that means it's about to hit about 500 degrees so we're gonna need to go ahead and get that out of you pretty fast.
Alright, we're working on a little teleportation experiment. Now this doesn't work with all skin types, so try to remember which skin is yours, and if it doesn't teleport along with you we'll do what we can to sew you right back into it.
So, welcome to Aperture. You're here because we want the best and you're it. Nope, couldn't keep a straight face. Anyway, don't smudge up the glass down there. In fact, why don't you just go ahead and not touch anything unless it's test related.
Welcome to Aperture! I was trying to think of a good name for a robotic intelligence core, maybe I should name one after you? You seem like the intelligent kind of go-getter we need at this place.
"Alright I've been thinking, when life gives you lemons Don't make lemonade! MAKE LIFE TAKE THE LEMONS BACK! GET MAD! I DON'T WANT YOUR DAMN LEMONS WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THESE??!! DEMAND TO SEE LIFE'S MANAGER MAKE LIFE RUE THE DAY THOUGHT IT COULD GIVE (CAVE JONSON) LEMONS. DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM? I'M THE MAN WHO'S GONNA BURN YOUR HOUSE DOWN! WITH THE LEMONS, I'M GONNA GET MY ENGINEERS TO INVENT A COMBUSTIBLE LEMON THAT BURNS YOUR HOUSE DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Cave Jonson is funny