Aperture Laboratories RMB

WA Delegate: None.

Founder: The Neverending Story of East Hylia

BoardActivity History Admin

World Factbook Entry

Welcome to Aperture!

We do what we must, because we can.

This region successfully withstood an attack from the tragically predictable Black Riders! Urinate on their front door.

Embassies: Aperture Science and Black Mesa.

Tags: Video Game and Minuscule.

Aperture Laboratories contains 2 nations.

Today's World Census Report

The Happiest Citizens in Aperture Laboratories

A recent survey attempted to measure the average happiness of citizens in various nations. These results should be treated with caution, however, as results tend to fluctuate from day to day.

As a region, Aperture Laboratories is ranked 965th in the world for Happiest Citizens.

#NationWA CategoryMotto
1.The Glorious Imperial Empire of KazikamimotoWA MemberFather Knows Best State“You'll die as you lived; in a flash of the blade”
2.The Neverending Story of East HyliaCorporate Police State“Excogitavi; Accepi; Vici”

Regional Happenings

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Aperture Laboratories Regional Message Board

For this next test we put nanoparticles in the gel. In layman's terms, that's a billion little gizmos that are gonna travel into your bloodstream and pump experimental genes and RNA molecules and so forth into your tumours. Now maybe you don't have any tumours. Well don't worry, if you sat on a folding chair in the lobby and weren't wearing lead underpants we took care of that too.

Just a heads up: that coffee we gave you earlier had fluorescent calcium in it so we can track the neuronic activity in your brain. There's a slight chance the calcium could harden and vitrify your frontal lobe. Anyway, don't stress yourself thinking about it. I'm serious, visualizing the scenario while under stress actually triggers the reaction.

If you need to go the bathroom in this next series of tests, please let test associates know. Because in all likelihood, whatever comes out of you is going to be coal. Only temporary, so do not worry. If it persists for a week though, start worrying and come see us, because that's not supposed to happen.

Now if you're part of control group Kepler-7, we planted a tiny microchip, about the size of a postcard, into your skull. Most likely you've forgotten it's even there, but if it starts vibrating and beeping during this next test let us know, because that means it's about to hit about 500 degrees so we're gonna need to go ahead and get that out of you pretty fast.

Alright, we're working on a little teleportation experiment. Now this doesn't work with all skin types, so try to remember which skin is yours, and if it doesn't teleport along with you we'll do what we can to sew you right back into it.

So, welcome to Aperture. You're here because we want the best and you're it. Nope, couldn't keep a straight face. Anyway, don't smudge up the glass down there. In fact, why don't you just go ahead and not touch anything unless it's test related.

Welcome to Aperture! I was trying to think of a good name for a robotic intelligence core, maybe I should name one after you? You seem like the intelligent kind of go-getter we need at this place.

"Alright I've been thinking, when life gives you lemons Don't make lemonade! MAKE LIFE TAKE THE LEMONS BACK! GET MAD! I DON'T WANT YOUR DAMN LEMONS WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THESE??!! DEMAND TO SEE LIFE'S MANAGER MAKE LIFE RUE THE DAY THOUGHT IT COULD GIVE (CAVE JONSON) LEMONS. DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM? I'M THE MAN WHO'S GONNA BURN YOUR HOUSE DOWN! WITH THE LEMONS, I'M GONNA GET MY ENGINEERS TO INVENT A COMBUSTIBLE LEMON THAT BURNS YOUR HOUSE DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Cave Jonson is funny

East Hylia

They should make bumper stickers of that.

Portal Stories: Mel
The new Portal 2 mod, is awesome, and it is free on Steam.
I saw a real live person in a Portal game! what is going on here?!

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by Max Barry

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