by Max Barry

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Region: Philosophy 115

New issue, $567:

The Issue

Your Minister for the Treasury, Allen Redbridge, has come under fire as market analysts and journalists complain that his predictions about the future of Dr George’s economy are vague to the point of uselessness. His detractors are dubbing his avoidance of clear statements ‘Syntax Destruction’: the presentation of extremely long and obfuscated reports that have little real content.

The Debate

“I shouldn’t have to spend hours poring over reams of government documents for just one story!” complains Michelle Bush, reporter for the philosophical Enquirer, slamming a large stack of papers onto your desk. “Look at this! One thousand nine hundred eighty-four pages! What Minister Redbridge is doing is dishonest and despicable. You need to force him and those like him to use plain language and get to the point, so that the common people of Dr George will be able decipher what’s going on in the government.”

Accept

“It has been demonstrated,” Minister Allen Redbridge replies during an interview, “that markets affect an unexpected multitude of industries at even the slightest suspicion of an impending perturbation. Thus, it behooves those knowledgeable in its idiosyncrasies to uphold their responsibilities in defending such precipitous gateways to knowledge, and acting in such a manner of least reaction, to satisfy their due diligence to avoid creating a condition which could potentially upset the precarious balance between bears and bulls, be they platitudes, or omissions. Indeed, one who acts in contravention to the aforementioned manner also acts against their own best interests, and thereby undermines status as well as dispels their cloak of competence. Such a transgressor shall be dismissed by the knowledgeable majority, of course, thus not necessitating any external provocation.”

Accept

“Spoken or written words, delivered on matters of policy by person or persons within the government, hereafter referred to as a government commentary, constitute a legal statement,” explains prominent lawyer Sarah de Vries. “It is my professional opinion that a government commentary should use only legal terminology to ensure clarity of meaning.”

Accept

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