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Tescoland wrote:Perhaps... but these pesky felines are now full blown glorified armed insurgents... Drat! They've seized the means of production!

Well, we already have YouTube, so why not?!!

>^,,^<
Alunya

#Biscuit4Christmas

Tescoland wrote:Perhaps... but these pesky felines are now full blown glorified armed insurgents... Drat! They've seized the means production

Those are some dang smart cats if they can not only arm themselves, but seize the means of production. Best of luck when the tigers follow

Alunya

Alunya wrote:Well, we already have YouTube, so why not?!!
>^,,^<
Alunya

#Biscuit4Christmas

At this rate all we can do is... Burn the city and nuke the ashes...

Mrglmrgland wrote:Those are some dang smart cats if they can not only arm themselves, but seize the means of production. Best of luck when the tigers follow

There's now a newly reformed Hamster Republican army present outside the gates...

Alunya, Gifted, Mrglmrgland, and Unified wakanda

Tescoland wrote:At this rate all we can do is... Burn the city and nuke the ashes...
There's now a newly reformed Hamster Republican army present outside the gates...

That one may be me. I decided instead of rats we test on hamsters and they escaped

Alunya and Tescoland

Tescoland wrote:There's now a newly reformed Hamster Republican army present outside the gates...

Ooohhh!! Hamsters!!

>^,,^<
Alunya

#Biscuit4Christmas

Treadwellia, Tescoland, Jacob is cool, and Mrglmrgland

Metropolic mammiala

Tescoland wrote:At this rate all we can do is... Burn the city and nuke the ashes...

Don't forget to pour Fluoroantimonic acid on the remaining ashes!

Alunya, Gifted, Tescoland, and Jacob is cool

Well
Costco's declared war on us during this time of troubles, that should be fun
Luckily our milk reserves are sa- Are those-Are those cows on a strike?!

Gifted

It would seem Yarnahm is dealing with a most similar issue, yet it so happens it's the crows who are revolting and arming themselves. They have seized our Anti Air and descend upon our nation. Yarnahm may fall soon D;

Baltic-balkan union

Alunya wrote:Citizens are #1s. That makes you, Altmoras, a servile Number Two!!
In the bigger picture, humankind would still be hunter/gatherers alongside their dogs were it not for cats. Cats made agriculture possible by mousing the fields of grains, ensuring that the enterprise would indeed be possible and profitable. And from such humble beginnings arose the Internet and NationStates.
So the origin of it all lies with the Cat -- the big, fat Zero!!
>^,,^<
Alunya

#Biscuit4Christmasa

Actually, according to our comprehensive sources of credible and scientific information, we declare that it is not animals which helped the foundation of agriculture, but rather the evolution of both plants and tools, although it IS still up for meticulous debate, which will hopefully lead us to a logical and truthful answer and agreement.

Guys help, some tuna rapidly evolved over night and took over the research facilities and now have nuclear weaponry

Kowassati

Mrglmrgland wrote:Guys help, some tuna rapidly evolved over night and took over the research facilities and now have nuclear weaponry

We could get Alunya on it :P I'm sure she'll appreciate the snack

Mrglmrgland and Unified wakanda

Kowassati wrote:We could get Alunya on it :P I'm sure she'll appreciate the snack

No they all have radiation poisoning and are glowing red

Kowassati

Unified wakanda

Mrglmrgland wrote:No they all have radiation poisoning and are glowing red

Send in radioactive tigers. That's what you do. Or you can let the tuna nuke you. One of the two.

Metropolic mammiala

Tescoland wrote:Well
Costco's declared war on us during this time of troubles, that should be fun
Luckily our milk reserves are sa- Are those-Are those cows on a strike?!

Best Buy's got no balls?

Mrglmrgland wrote:Guys help, some tuna rapidly evolved over night and took over the research facilities and now have nuclear weaponry

Kowassati wrote:We could get Alunya on it :P I'm sure she'll appreciate the snack

Mrglmrgland wrote:No they all have radiation poisoning and are glowing red

Self-heating tuna -- you guys are geniuses!! <3

>^,,^<
Alunya

#Biscuit4Christmas

Amerion, Mrglmrgland, and Kowassati

Hello. There was another raid on Eternal Scholars.

Please vote against Repeal: “Liberate Eternal Scholars”

Altmoras, Midwestusa, Canton Empire, Gifted, and 2 othersMrglmrgland, and Kowassati

The Derpy Democratic Republic Of Herp wrote:Hello. There was another raid on Eternal Scholars.
Please vote against Repeal: “Liberate Eternal Scholars”

How do you know this and are you certain?

uhhh hi, whats up

Hail Lazarus! The next issue of Hell's Bells is hot of the demonic presses!

Issue XX: When You're Evil;


Ask not for whom the bell tolls, it tolls for thee.

December 3rd, 2016
Issue XX. LinkWhen You’re Evil

Index
I. Rise of the Member 2016
II. Spotlight News
III. Ask Fredd!
IV. Race: Science's Taboo
V. Artwork of the Damned
VI. Where the Hell is Hell?

Rise of the Member 2016
Article by, The Stalker

Deep within the bowels of Hell the Mad King sat on his throne drinking down a dark red Linkmember berry wine smiling softly and madly to himself.

“Sir,” interrupts a lanky demon with a clipboard and an air of duty, the King doesn’t look up and continues to stare into his cup. The demon continues, “Sin production is at an all time high my lord, too high perhaps, we should plan to reinforce the wall around Hell to keep out unwanted souls.”

“We change the password often enough, it’s not demontaco123 by the way” mutters the King vaguely.

“Sir?” asks the demon not understanding and waiting for a reply not given he continues, “see it’s a bit of an error in our soul harvesting department, in particular the Faustian bargain. Made a mess of the elections, Hilary sold her soul to win the Democratic primaries, and then Trump sold his soul to win the Presidential election. Yea big f*ck up there, turns out Hilary doesn’t have a soul and Trump already sold us his to save one of his failing companies.”

“Who’s gonna be the President?” asked the King coming out of his stupor.

“Trump, unless they figured out we rigged it,” replied the demon.

“So the LinkSimpsons were right, I member the Simpsons.” Said the King smiling weirdly once more.

“Sir this is serious!” insists the demon, “Mousebumples has Resigned as Europeian WA Delegate! Benevolent Thomas is gone! They’re hosing native Americans down with water in freezing temperatures the week of Thanksgiving sir! Everything’s gone completely mad!!”

“Did you say MAD??” A deranged look comes across the King, “I just caught a squirtle in Hell! That’s MAD! But that’s the devils luck for you.”

“A what!?” asks the demon puzzled once more.

“Oh nothing you poor muggle. Not everything is so different my dear friend, why Cormac just retired again the other day and is already back at gameplay. You member Cormac?” asked the Devil.

“Yea I member Cormac.” Sniffed the shaken demon.

“Now do you have what I asked for?” asked the king.

“Of course my lord,” replied the demon pulling out a bundle of member berries and handing them to the king.
The member berries began chattering; “Hey member Star Wars? Oo yea I member. Member the 90s? Member Chewbacca? Member Pokemon? Member Member!? Member Nationstates!? Member Hippiedom? Member the R/D Conference? Member the promise of regional custodians? Ooo yea I member!” The mad King took a handful and began to squeeze them into his cup, the member berries began to scream, “Member Batman? Aghhh. Member no ISIS? Gurgle. Member Nationstates again?”

The King takes a big swig of his glass begins to speak, “I member Nationstates. It’s time to make Hell great again.”

Join the Member Berry Coalition today!

Spotlight News
Compiled by, The Stalker

Historical Icons of Horror Fall theme

Hell was visited by all the twisted deranged murderers and madmen of history for this year’s fall theme.

“One day men will look back and say I gave birth to the twentieth century.”
~LinkJack the Ripper

“The boundaries which divide Life from Death are at best shadowy and vague.
Who shall say where the one ends, and where the other begins?”

Link~Edgar Allan Poe

Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before.

Quoth the Raven, “Nevermore.”
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(Hell's Bells welcome submissions for future Spotlight News articles, contact The Stalker for details.)

Ask Fredd!
Advice Column by, Freddland

Dear Fredd,
I can't help but notice that Buer singled you out for having "sold your soul to the Devil." [In the current issue of Hell's Bells.] Did you indeed sell your soul to the devil? If so, is that something you're proud of or want to remain private?
Besides Bela Lugosi, how do you plan on punishing Buer for daring to invoke your name? Maybe by crucifying him and then starting a fire at the base of the cross?
Interested

Interested,
Buer has part of it correct. The “devil” (as an interesting side note, the devil is just a stage name, like Bono or Cher or Richard Nixon) does currently own my soul. However, he bought it off of a 3rd party (my whorish ex-wife, who I now know was a succubus) to try to convince me to return HIS soul. I won the devil's soul several years ago in a (mostly) honest poker game. I doubt I will trade back as I currently enjoy abusing the devil's soul and mine is pretty well used up.
As for Buer, I am only slightly annoyed with him for making this transaction public, so will only yank a foot or two of his entrails from his body instead of several yards the next time I see him.

Fredd
-------------

Freddy,
So how'd your whorish ex-wife get hold of your soul?
Piqued

Pico,
When I first met her, I thought she was sweet and angelic, with a body like Angelina Jolie. So I fell head over heels for her and told her I would give her my heart and soul if she would marry me. In most cases, that would be figurative, but she took it literally. By the time I found out she had a bulk discount card at Motel 6, it was too late.

Fredd
-------------

Freddo,
Forget the whore, I want to hear about that card game!
Lizardo

Liz,
For about the last 15 years or so, a group of heavy hitters would get together to play five card draw on the last Friday of the month. That particular night Bill Gates, Queen Elizabeth and Michael Jackson had other obligations, so it was just me, the devil and the pope. Now the devil cheats constantly, and I've been known to deal from the bottom occasionally, so the pope did most of the dealing that night. By about 2am, most of the chips were stacked in front of me with the pope and the devil pretty well tapped out. That last hand, I was dealt 3 kings and some trash. So I pushed most of my stack to the center and said “I raise $1 million.”
The pope looked at his cards and back at me and said” I'll see your $1 million, my son, with an indulgence.”
I frowned “Not enough.”
“Ok. An indulgence and a dispensation.”
The devil said “Nope.”
I smiled” How 'bout 2 dispensations, an indulgence and your pope hat? Not the little skull cap. The tall white one with the gold cross on it.”
The devil nodded. “I always liked that hat.”
The pope frowned, leaned over, grabbed his hat from the floor and put it in the center of the table. He scrawled a note that said “This note entitles the bearer to 2 dispensations an an indulgence. Signed, the Pope.”
I looked over at the devil. “How 'bout you, sparky?”
“My trident?”
“Not enough.”
“A night with a succubus?”
I shook my head. “I was married to a succubus for 5 years. No thanks.”
The pope leaned in with a positively evil grin on his face. “What about your soul?”
I laughed so hard I thought I would die.
“That's perfect! The pope trying to con the devil out of his soul.”
The devil reached into his chest and pulled out something that looked like a black tattered handkercheif.
“That's it?”
The devil shrugged. “It's had some hard mileage.”
I turned to the pope. “Gimme two.”
I looked at my new cards. The king I was missing and the ace of hearts.
The devil and the pope each took two also. Then we all called.
I tossed mine in and said “four kings.”
The pope swore like a sailor and threw in his full house.
The devil grinned and spread out his cards. “Four aces.”
I stood up. “Wait a minute. You can't...YOU IDIOT! You have two aces of diamonds!”
The devil looked down at his cards and said ”Oops”.
So that's how I won the devil's soul, 2 dispensations, an indulgence and best of all, the pope hat.

Fredd
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Have a question for Fredd you'd like to see answered in the next issue of Hell's Bells? Submit here via telegram to Freddland.

Race: Science's Taboo
Article by, Imperator Ragnarsson, Ingskalla

Since our prehistoric predecessors migrated from Africa (geographically where contemporary Ethiopia is located) a paradigm is propagated and expressed in a number of disciplines (anthropology, genetics, psychology, philosophy of science) that the quintessential taxonomy (classification of organisms with similar morphological characteristics) of the Homo-Sapien races yields trivial and irrelevant significance. Prior to the tremendous international of emigration and demographic mobilization of humans during the last 500 years, populations were geographically isolated, exposed to climatic/environmental conditions and were reproductively sequestered from eachother. Since the departure from Africa around 60,000 years ago, this has been conducive for different subsets of humanity to evolve in separate directions, developing distinctive genetic, physiological, and perhaps even behavioral attributes. Conventionally, racial categorization is defined on the basis of haplogroups and the discernible physiological and anatomical attributes within human populations.

Europeans and West Africans, for example, differ in proportions of body fat, width of hips, thickness of thighs, bone density, and proportion of fast- and slow-twitch muscle, even East and West Africans differ in important ways. Morphometricians are physical anthropologists who analyze bones, focusing primarily on skull shape. By thoroughly measuring a skull, some morphometricians believe they can correctly identify its owner's continent of ancestral origin with up to 90 percent accuracy. Regarding Europeans, the nose aperture of the Caucasian skull has a narrower triangle shape; with a longer, thinner bony protrusion at the point where the nose comes out from between the nuchal ridge. Caucasian skulls also possess a nasil sill, Asian and African skulls don’t. Regarding nasal bridge, Africans tend to have an arching, ``Quonset hut'' shape, Europeans tend to have high nasal bones with a peaked angle, Asians tend to have low nasal bones with a slight angulation. Typically, Africans tend to have wide nasal apertures, Europeans narrow. In Zygomatic form, Mongoloid craniums habitually tend to have anteriorly projecting cheekbones. According to the Taiwanese Institute of Vertebrate Palaeontology and Palaeoanthropology, “Mongoloid features are a mesocratic skull, fairly large and protruding cheekbones, nasal bones that are flat and broad, a nasal bridge that is slightly concave without depression in the nasion, "the lower borders of the piriform aperture are not sharp but guttered", shallow prenasal fossae, small anterior nasal spine, trace amounts of canine fossae and moderate alveolarprognathism. Many American Indian incisor teeth have occlusal wear (older skulls that is). East Asians also have shovel-shaped incisors and in some cases they are turned slightly to the midline which is adept attribute for chewing. In Europeans and Africans, these face more laterally and the zygomatic recede posteriorly. In addition, cranial composition also includes the traits of the East Asiatic epicanthic fold and for Sub-Saharan Africans, the protruding maxillary prognathism of the jaw. The femur of Sub-Saharan Africans is less oblique, the tibia (shin bone) more curved and bent forward, the calf of the leg high and but little developed.

In the United States, the most frequently reported medical differences concern blacks and whites. It is well known that only blacks suffer from sickle-cell anemia, for example, a condition that helps the body resist malaria. Reaching sexual maturity and development of first and secondary sexual characteristics exist earlier in those of African descent than those of other races. Also, Sub-Saharan Africans have higher prominence of testosterone with East Asians having the lowest, a chemical hormone that contributes to aggression and libido. Historically, Mongolic peoples adapted to the cold by having their blood vessels be further in their body, giving their skin a more yellowish color than reddish color. This however left them vulnerable to heat, which is where additional sweat glands (from the gene EDAR mentioned earlier) came in to balance it. Bone density in black populations are resilient and whereas European-descendant peoples are more susceptible to fracture. Data from the Study of Osteoporotic Fractures (SOF) and the Baltimore Men's Osteoporosis Study (MOST) show that, in both sexes, blacks have higher adjusted bone mineral density than whites and a slower age-adjusted annual rate of decline in bone mineral density….” (Marc C. Hochberg). Negroids have one for them typical neotenic-infantile forehead shape (doomed/high). Whereas significantly more on average, Europids have sloping/low foreheads in combination with brow bridge. Regarding the forehead shape, Mongoloids are between Negroids and Europiods.

Genetic studies conducted within the past couple of decades have shown and indicated that humans of non-Sub Saharan African descent have between ratios of 1-5 percent Neanderthal admixture. Ethnic groups that are constituents of Mongolic category include: Han Chinese, Japanese, Mongolians, Koreans, Inuits, Native Hawaiians, Vietnamese, the Buryats of Eastern Siberia, to Polynesians. Caucasoid ethnic groups include Europeans (Germanic, Celtic, Slavic, Italic/Romance, Baltic, Finno-Urgalic descent, etc ) Near Eastern and Semitic, Berber, and inhabitants of the Indian Subcontinent. They tend to have longer dolichocephalic features (long narrow) in contrast to other races.

In conclusion, there are substantive biological and anatomical differences between human populations, this is corroborated by observations of forensic anthropologists, geneticists, evolutionary anthropologists, physicians, and other accredited medical and biology professionals. Egalitarian partisans and members of the status quo controvert a rudimentary but imperative aspect of human evolution and selectively obscure the reality of the valid phylogenetic differentiation, structural and genetic diversity in the human species. What shall be celebrated is the diversity and beauty within the human species. This article is not an endorsement or some form of patronage to any sort of supremacist ideology, but a brief dispensation of SOME of the facts on human biodiversity. In a subsequent article would like to expound more upon this issue, this being a two parter, diving into how race affects us on a societal level.

Artwork of the Damned
"Peirre the cat"
14x11 Oil Painting by, The Stalker

WHERE THE HELL IS HELL?
Article by, Buer the demon AKA Dr george

Where is Hell? Early religious thinkers posited it was deep underground where the damned would be eternally swimming in magma. While certainly the interior of planet Earth is a hot, unpleasant place, it is hardly unique in that—the surface of Venus, the side of Mercury facing the Sun, and on the surface of the Sun or within it, or at the point of several different varieties of stellar phenomena, are all very hot, unpleasant places. I propose that if Hell exists at all, it is none of these places. Should you ever notice the headline in a supermarket tabloid proclaiming, “Astronomers Find Hell in the Constellation of Scorpio,” you don’t need to read the article to know that it is nothing but lies.

Hell, like Heaven and God and souls and much of religion, is a metaphysical entity, perhaps indeed just a metaphorical reality to us. There is no way to point to Hell because it does not exist in our universe. We often talk about someone or something being “Hell on Earth,” when we mean ‘tortuous’ or ‘extremely unpleasant.’ Mystics and poets and prophets paint very different versions of Hell, from Jesus’s “Lake of Fire” to Dante’s “Inferno” to C.S. Lewis’s concept that it is simply separation from God. Even assuming an infinite universe, everything within our universe has coordinates and is either a complete vacuum (i.e., entirely empty) or containing some variety of particles and/or forces. Thus, we could assign a value to all the infinite points in the universe of 0 for vacuum and 1 for ~vacuum. We do not genuinely know what Hell would be composed of, but I sincerely doubt it would fit neatly into our laws of physics and be some combination of 0s and 1s. Hell, being beyond our universe, defies any exploration by the scientific method or even probings by our imaginations. Hell is beyond. Hell is other than what we can know. It is unknown and unknowable.

Everything we do and can know is within our universe, even if it is too large or too small for us to visualize. We can go so far as to say that everything that we know exists is inside of our universe and is some kind of combination of 0s and 1s and obeys the physical laws of the universe. What laws exist outside of our universe are unknown; if there are persons or objects or places outside of our universe, we have no idea of what they may be composed. For all we know, there may be an entity outside of our universe known as “the Tooth Fairy.” It seems unlikely, but there is no way to prove or disprove that the Tooth Fairy is not there beyond the horizon of our universe. All we can say is that the Tooth Fairy does not exist in the here and now. We can say the same thing about Hell, Heaven, God, Satan, angels, and souls. Perhaps there exists some place outside of what there is that is a tortuous prison for the unfaithful, a place of infinite bliss for the faithful, an omniscient/omnipotent/good being that is completely aware of what is happening on Earth who occasionally intervenes in our history for specific ends, a being of enormous power eternally opposed to the former being, messengers of great power who convey the good being’s will, and beings that at the same time are quintessentially us that survive after our bodies die, etc. There is simply no way to know.

Most of us reading this essay were brought up, even if only culturally, with archetypes of Hell, Heaven, God, and the rest. I find myself amused when atheists (or people of religions outside of Christianity) say “Jesus Christ!” as a swear word or an adverbial intensifier. When we say things like, “The goddamned car won’t start,” I do not think most of us consider the vehicle to have been condemned by some almighty being, rather we are conveying our anger at the car and insulting it for not working properly. In this sense, all the familiar pantheons of spiritual beings and concepts emerge in our universe as metaphors for different ideas and situations. When a church-goer says, “I feel the love of Jesus in my heart,” she is clearly not intending to comment at all about the four-valved muscle that pumps blood through her circulatory system as if it had some kind of parasite, rather that she perceives a loving indwelling from beyond herself at the core of her life. When we say, for example, that Fredd has “sold his soul to the Devil,” despite what popular culture loves to portray as someone signing a contract with the Prince of Darkness using blood for ink, we are usually saying that Fredd has turned to evil/underhanded/unfair means to achieve some end (often a bad one). Similarly, there many other archetypes that dwell in our collective unconscious, like Superman, Harry Potter, and Sherlock Holmes. Typically, these archetypes signify (in order), enormous strength, magic-like abilities, and an uncannily perceptive person figuring out the complex solution to a problem. They’ve never existed in our reality, but they are like constant companions and belong these days more to common culture than the persons who happened to invent them. None of them are real in the sense of physically existing in our universe, but belong to us and are known to us and perhaps inspire us. In that sense, if no other, Hell is most certainly alive and well and among us this day.

We hope you've enjoyed our twentieth issue of Hell's Bells. Nations interested in contributing to future issues should contact The Stalker for details.

Important Note: In payment for having enjoyed our Newspaper you are expected to up arrow this factbook. Failing to up arrow this factbook means you are willing choosing to forfeit ownership of your soul to The Stalker for all eternity instead. Thanks for reading.

Read factbook


NS forum thread; viewtopic.php?f=12&t=331170&p=30550392#p30550392

Hope you guys enjoy!

Loftegen

The Derpy Democratic Republic Of Herp wrote:Hello. There was another raid on Eternal Scholars.
Please vote against Repeal: “Liberate Eternal Scholars”

Confirmed. Invaders have once again taken back the region of Eternal Scholars. Check their regional page if you need further proof.

Austrenium wrote:How do you know this and are you certain?

Midwestusa wrote:Confirmed. Invaders have once again taken back the region of Eternal Scholars. Check their regional page if you need further proof.

Yes I am certain.

Austrenium wrote:How do you know this and are you certain?

Proof is right here.

viewtopic.php?p=30549890#p30549890

Decide against school uniforms, and nudity increases by 337%
wew

Blargh.

Loftegen wrote:Blargh.

Blargh?

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