HellBoard

Ask not for whom the bell tolls, it tolls for thee.

July 19th, 2016
Issue XVIII. Satan Lend Me A Dollar

Index
I. Taxing Issues
II. Spotlight News:
-New York joins Hell
III. Ask Fredd!
IV. Alchemy
V. Artwork of the Damned
VI. Wetwork's History Unconvoluticized

TAXING ISSUES
Article by, Buer the demon AKA Dr george

As I've started keeping systematic track of the issues and their answers, I've come across some unexpected results. The BIG THREE (Civil Rights, Economy, and Political Freedoms) don't appear any more often, for the most part, than more specialized rankings like Political Apathy or Law Enforcement. However, I have found that a rather large proportion have tax implications, up and down.

I am assuming that most high freedom nations also prefer lower taxes (that is, the freedom for citizens to spend their own money). With some careful balancing, you can have national healthcare, free college tuition, a minimum wage, AND no taxes! Who wouldn't want that?

This article is intended primarily for medium- and high-freedom nations. I make no claims about completeness; there are plenty of low-freedom options that also lower taxes that will not appear on this list. Also, I have not yet been through 100% of the issues, so this list is a work in progress.

Nor do I claim that the following issues will have an overall positive effect on you nation (i.e., have more positive outcomes than negative). Cutting taxes generally involves cutting services; that is particularly seen in issues whose primary aim is to lower taxes. I HAVE screened out those that also lower Civil Rights and/or Political Freedoms as well as those especially destructive of the environment.

So, here is a list of issues & answers that should lower your tax rate without hurting your CRs or PFs. Additional v signs indicate that this one cuts taxes unusually deeply.

Spotlight News
Compiled by, The Stalker

New York joins the Kingdom of Hell

New York having fallen on hard times unanimously voted to join the Kingdom of Hell. The Stalker being a long time resident, co-author of NY's Constitution, and Head of Assembly organized the remaining residents and government officials into action after the region had fallen inactive. The region had become a regular target of tag raids, left tagged for months at a time due to the inactive founder and lacking a delegate at the time.

After some discussion, New York voted and passed The Kingdom of Hell: New York. As outlined NY has additional opted to take up a similar system like that of Hell's until the founder become active enough to read his telegrams.
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(Hell's Bells welcome submissions for future Spotlight News articles, contact The Stalker for details.)

Ask Fredd!
Advice Column by, Freddland

Hey Fredd,
Who do think is the better act as a villain, Cameron Monaghan or Mark Sheppard?

Your Friend,
The Villain Lover

V L
Bela Lugosi

Fredd

Dear Fredd,
If you had to vote for Clinton or Trump, which would you choose and why? Do we get to roast and eat the loser? and should that be a consideration?

Hungry

Hungry,
Bela Lugosi? They're both losers. It tests my gag reflex to think about voting for either one. As far as consumption goes, they are both probably too old and gristly to be very edible. I'd try boiling them in a cauldron for a day or so, then throw in 50 lbs each of carrots, potatoes and onions. Boil for another hour. Viola! Loser stew. Salt and pepper liberally (or conservatively, if that's your thing) and serve to your enemies.

Fredd
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Have a question for Fredd you'd like to see answered in the next issue of Hell's Bells? Submit here via telegram to Freddland.

Alchemy
Article by, Laveyan inferno

Among the many esoteric methodologies devised by mankind to bend nature to its will, alchemy stands as one of the most ambitious and practical. Evidence of its practice can be found across the globe in many diverse cultures, spanning throughout nearly two and one-half millennia. During that time, it underwent a number of distinct transformations, evolving from pure mysticism into a more tangible practice. When one refers to alchemy, the production of gold through the transmutation of cheaper metals, or the path to immortality, comes to mind. These endeavors have led many historians to view the subject of alchemy in a fraudulent light. However, in truth, many alchemists developed an incredible insight into the natural world, opening the door to chemistry over the course of their experimenting, and much of their work proved to be of great benefit to the civilizations lucky enough to host them. Utilizing the elements of the natural world, those who dedicated their efforts to this art laid the framework for what would later become modern chemistry, classifying elements and chemical processes that are well established within the realm of science.

A major aspect of alchemy was its thorough application of symbolism. Each of the 16 elements known to alchemists had its own unique symbol, and not in the same way that the periodic system that is used today assigns each element with a mere one, two, or, in rare cases, three letters, to identify it. Alchemists appeared to be more interested in characterization, of giving each of these elements a personality of its own.

Take sulfur, for instance. It was commonly signified by two main symbols. The Leviathan Cross, such as the one depicted in the image above, is one of them. The two crosses at the top signify the balance and harmony between the universal masculine and feminine forces in nature. At the very bottom is the mathematical symbol for infinity, symbolizing the continuousness and infinity of nature. This symbol was later adapted by Anton LaVey as Satanism’s answer to the Christian Cross. The other, less elaborate symbol is a triangle, symbolizing fire, with a simple cross protruding from the middle of one of its sides, symbolizing earth, accounting for two of the four “elements” that alchemists observed from sulfur during its combustion (which is very cool to observe, and I’ll provide a link to a video so you can marvel in the reaction for yourself!). Sulfur was defined as masculine in nature due to its dryness and its natural affinity for fire and heat.

Its counterpart, mercury, was considered the exact opposite. Mercury was viewed by alchemists as the feminine force, as it was associated with coolness and condensation. When it is heated with nitric acid, a thick, bloody red cloud of vapor is produced over the surface of the reacting liquids and radiant, crimson colored crystals precipitate to the bottom (another amazing chemical reaction!) (“Mercury”). It was commonly symbolized by a circle adorned in a pair of horns, with a cross jutting out from the very bottom.

Astrology also played a role in the characterization of the elements, and the seven known metals of alchemy were specifically associated with heavenly bodies. The list is as follows:
• Silver- The Moon
• Mercury-Mercury
• Copper-Venus
• Gold- The Sun
• Iron-Mars
• Tin-Jupiter
• Lead-Saturn

Surprisingly, there lies a cohesive pattern in this seemingly archaic method of classification, as there is a direct proportionality between the conductivity of the metal in question and the speed by which its corresponding heavenly body travels from the perspective of the observer ("The Metal-Planet Affinities"). Silver, for instance, was associated with the Moon, since it is the most conductive of these metals and the Moon appeared to move the fastest of the celestial bodies that were visible at the time. The farther one travels down the list, the less the conductivity and the slower the affiliated orbital movement (except for mercury, which, in fact, has a lower conductivity than any of the other listed metals).
The history of alchemy is spread out through a variety of different cultures. Alchemy formally established itself in a scientific and philosophical practice in two of the most advanced cultures of the ancient times, Egypt and China (“The Magic and Myth of Alchemy”). Much of what was known about early Egyptian alchemy was lost, thanks to a mindless band of rioting Christians who burned the great Library of Alexandria to the ground. From what has been discovered, however, alchemy had a variety of practical applications throughout Egyptian life, including the making of dyes, perfumes, metallurgy, and mummification procedures (“Alchemy”). A famous woman alchemist by the name of Maria the Jewess, made an essential contribution to the alchemical world, and therefore, the scientific community, when she invented glass apparatuses, allowing for experiments to be observed as never before ("The Magic and Myth of Alchemy").
Alchemy in the East originated from the mystical arts of Taoist monks, with the original purpose of discovering the secret of eternal life, as well as the production of medicines. Ironically, however, when in the 9th century Chinese alchemists inadvertently discovered gunpowder, such an invention would pave the way for many of the most deadly weapons of war (“The Magic and Myth of Alchemy”).

Other early examples of alchemy can be found in Greece and the Arabic world, which adopted many alchemical techniques from the Egyptians during their international dealings.

Alchemy gained some contributions from some of the great philosophers of Greece. Aristotle and Plato, for instance, while not actually practitioners themselves, added ideas of their own to the subject, thus becoming authorities for later alchemists ("Islamic Medical Manuscripts, Alchemy 1"). Another, Zosimos of Panopolis, who actively participated in alchemy, composed a Greek encyclopedia of alchemy, rich with manuscripts on processes such as distillation and evaporation ("Islamic Medical Manuscripts, Alchemy 1").

Arabic society adopted much of the Hellenistic texts regarding alchemy, and is highly regarded for the expansion of alchemy into Europe through both conquest and trade. Many of the Greek manuscripts on alchemy were translated into Arabic and the major contributors cited ("Islamic Medical Manuscripts, Alchemy 1"). Of the most noteworthy Islamic alchemists was Jabir ibn Hayyan, who enhanced alchemy through the implementation of the scientific method, and outlined an elements system which, as new elements were discovered, would expand into the periodic table used in chemistry to this day (“The Magic and Myth of Alchemy”). Furthermore, this revolutionary alteration encouraged further experimentation within the subject, and gained the interest of great scientific minds to come.

Alchemy finally spread into Europe around the 8th century with the Muslim invasions into Spain, and it was received with a somewhat mixed reception over the centuries. On one hand, the dominating Catholic Church initially viewed alchemy as an opportunity to expand upon its own theology, and many of the early European alchemists were also clergymen. However, restrictions were placed upon its practice, the first from Pope John XXII, who banned any form of alchemical counterfeiting, and another in the 15th century from King Henry the IV of England (“The Magic and Myth of Alchemy”).

Nevertheless, alchemy still managed to flourish, thanks in part to the severe economic depression that Europe was going through at the time. Rulers were desperate for a way to bring wealth back into their kingdoms, and saw alchemists as a golden opportunity (pun definitely intended!). Among them was a Franciscan Friar by the name of Roger Bacon, who was one of the first advocates of the scientific method, is also acknowledged as the first European alchemist (“The Magic and Myth of Alchemy”). However, unlike his colleagues, who were more interested in making gold for material wealth and fame, he held a greater interest in creating an ingestible gold that would prolong the recipient’s life (“The Magic and Myth of Alchemy”). His motivations behind this pursuit are unknown, but his work on the subject served as a great reference to alchemists later in history, including the famous British physicist, Isaac Newton who, evidently, spent a greater amount of time and interest pursuing alchemy than the scientific theories and laws that he is celebrated for developing.
The first signs for the decline of alchemy finally came in 1661 when Robert Boyle published the concise and humorously witty article The Sceptical Chymist, in which he affirmed the hypothesis that all matter is composed of atoms in constant motion in opposition to Aristotelian views on matter, and earned him the title as the founder of modern chemistry (Robert Boyle). With the further development of scientific theories in the realm of chemistry from other scientific giants such as Antoine Lavoisier, alchemy faded into obscurity.

Probably the most unexpected legacy of alchemy is that, in regards to producing gold from other substances, the alchemists were right all along, just not in the way they expected! At Michigan State University, an unlikely duo, Kazem Kashefi, assistant professor of microbiology and molecular genetics, and Adam Brown, associate professor of electronic art and intermedia, were able to achieve this remarkable feat through the use of bacterial life forms, Cupriavidus metallidurans, or “metal lovers” (“’Microbial Alchemy’ Produces Gold From Toxic Chemical). This organism, they discovered, is able to consume the toxic and largely useless compound, gold chloride, in much the same way as plants and animals consume air. The process involved filling a vessel with one and a half liters of water, removing the oxygen, and then inserting the bacteria, as well as a continuous yield of gold chloride to be consumed. The system resulted in the production of about 60 milligrams of solid, 24-karat gold within a week (“’Microbial Alchemy’ Produces Gold From Toxic Chemical)! While not cost effective, this great pursuit of the alchemist, one that was thought impossible by many, was ultimately fulfilled.
And who knows? Perhaps the second, more elusive pursuit of the alchemist, eternal life, is just around the corner. And perhaps, as with the discovered method of gold production, it will be in a way they could have never possibly imagined. But that is a story for another the another time.

YouTube Links
Heating of Sulfur: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4dz1Au7Tm5I
Reaction between Mercury and Nitric Acid: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0AUFy23VxMo

Works Cited

"Alchemy - Crystalinks." Alchemy - Crystalinks. N.p., n.d. Web. 08 July 2016.

"Islamic Medical Manuscripts, Alchemy 1." U.S National Library of Medicine. U.S. National Library of Medicine, n.d. Web. 08 July 2016.
"Mercury." Periodic Table: Alchemy. N.p., n.d. Web. 09 July 2016.

"'Microbial Alchemy' Produces Gold From Toxic Chemical." Forbes. Forbes Magazine, 5 Oct. 2012. Web. 01 July 2016.
"Robert Boyle | Chemical Heritage Foundation." Robert Boyle | Chemical Heritage Foundation. N.p., n.d. Web. 09 July 2016.
"The Magic and Myth of Alchemy." , Lloyd Library and Museum. N.p., n.d. Web. 08 July 2016.
"The Metal-Planet Affinities." The Metal-Planet Affinities. N.p., n.d. Web. 09 July 2016.

Ave Satanas!

Artwork of the Damned
"The Fork ran away with the spoon "
14x11 Oil Painting by, The Stalker

Wetwork's History Unconvoluticized
Article by, Zen beatitudes

It is July 20th, 1933. Hitler has been the German Chancellor since the 30th of January that year but is already reaching out to the National Socialist's morally affiliated international organizations. Fascist Renaissance Italy, Imperial Urotsujikogi Japan, the Argentinean Foreign Retirement Bureau and the Catholic Church.

While the National Socialists, Fascists and the Imperials eventually form the Axis of Awesome Authoritah, the Catholic Church (being more a Kool and the Gang kind of evil) wants its own little tête-à-tête. And so, the Plenipotentiary His Eminence the Most Reverend Cardinal Eugenio Pacelli has a tea party at a little kids table with Fred the Bear, Topsy the Clown and Herr Franz von Papen. They hash out an agreement whereby the Church said "Hey, we'll stay out of political crap and you let us keep spreading our established regimen of generational spiritual slavery." and the German delegation says "Sure, we'll totally sign anything cause we have nothing but good intentions. Mwah."

And lo, it was good on paper at least.

But then the National Socialists (Nazi was actually a derogatory term invented by their German opponents the Communist Bakers Collective), embrace the concept of the Welteislehre and sh*t gets way weird...er. Now apparently, after a vision had by an Austrian inventor and notorious candy cane addict named Hanns Hörbiger 30 damned years previous, science has been simplified and wholly reordered-
"I knew that Newton had been wrong and that the sun's gravitational pull ceases to exist at three times the distance of Neptune."

See? Simples. You can thank Himmler for the more odd tweaks, he was a big believer in... all kinds of weird pseudoaryan crap.

Anyway, if everything is made of ice, does that include heaven? And here we have the roots of a conflict unrecorded anywhere by anyone but more true for that fact. Nazi moon commandos (they colonized it in their search for Pure Aryan Ice, whiter and colder than 'unter-ice') are sent to secure the fabled Vatican Star Map (on which the Vatican City itself is architecturally based) from the Archivum Secretum Apostolicum Vaticanum. Opposed in this endeavour by The Pontifical Swiss Guard's elite haptic cyborg Nunbot unit, a battle of epically clandestine and totally undetectable ferocity took place.

In a running fight across the entirety of the second world war, these two mortal enemies who barely unofficially exist clashed again and again, eventually resulting in an undocumented stalemate.

An agreement was finally reached whereby certain planets would be allowed to be made of ice with Relativity being suspended in the space surrounding these orbs, while Heaven would not have a permanent ski season and swastika bunting.

The Church, in its infinite wisdom was opposed to a total galactic Ice Age for one simple reason. It is respite that renders torture effective. And if there's anything that the Catholic Church has down, it's torture.

Tune in next time when we decode the mystery of Zombie Jesus and why he loved to do 'miracles' to rabbits, like make them lay eggs!

We hope you've enjoyed our eighteenth issue of Hell's Bells. Nations interested in contributing to future issues should contact The Stalker for details.

Important Note: In payment for having enjoyed our Newspaper you are expected to up arrow this factbook. Failing to up arrow this factbook means you are willing choosing to forfeit ownership of your soul to The Stalker for all eternity instead. Thanks for reading.

Index
I. Department of Lust
-Hell's Bells, Hell Radio
II. Department of Gluttony
-Department of Gluttony: Foreign Affairs
-Hell's Bar: The Iceberg Lounge
III. Department of Greed
-The Trials to join Hell
-The Department of Greed: Underworld
-Hell's Outpost: Underworld
IV. Department of Sloth
-RPG Department
V. Department of Wrath
-The Department of Wrath
VI. Department of Envy
-Annual NS events
-Zombie Army: Zombieland
VII. Department of Pride
-The Kingdom of Hell
-History of Hell

Department of Lust
Devoted to cultural production, including the monthly publication of Hell's regional newspaper Hell's Bells, Hell Radio, and spreading the lustful word of our lord.

Codex: Hell's Bells, Hell Radio

Demonic Editor-in-Chief: The Stalker
Twisted Advice Columnist: Freddland
Senior Authors: Buer the demon (15), Theistic luciferia (10)
Authors: Laveyan inferno (3), Zen beatitudes (3), Ingskalla (2), Domination republic (2), Assanria (2)

Department of Gluttony
Ambassador network established to strengthen relations with other regions and build alliances. Additionally working to annex and colonize likeminded regions and communities into joining Hell, and expanding the Kingdom.

Codex: Department of Gluttony: Foreign Affairs

Department Head: The Stalker

Official Bar of Hell: The Iceberg Lounge

Owner: The Stalker AKA Oswald Chesterfield Cobblepot
Manager: OPEN

Department of Greed
Department of Immigration, devoted to growing the Kingdom of Hell through recruitment, oversees the Trials to join Hell, maintains Hell's outpost Underworld.

Codex: The Trials to join Hell

Department Head: The Stalker
Co-Heads: Big jim p, Freddland, Cynical Alcoholics, Kyraina

Underworld: The fiery shores and entrance to Hell.

Codex: The Department of Greed: Underworld

President of Underworld: The Iron Helm
Overlord of Underworld: Daisy Johnson

Department of Sloth
Looking for a devoted member to establish a Hell Role-playing Game, and/or regional map.

Map: N/A
Codex: N/A

Department Head: Kyraina
Party members: The Stalker, Zen beatitudes, Laveyan inferno, Ingskalla

Department of Wrath
Hellion army, a subsidiary of The Kingdom of Hell, is an interregional provider of military protection and sin punishment.

Codex: The Department of Wrath, Hell Forum

Vice President of Wrath: Altmoras
Members of the Demonic Guard: All World Assembly nations in Hell providing the King endorsements.

Department of Envy
Handles the annual NS events / mini games including; the April Fools event, Nuke Day, and Z day.

Nuke Day: The Horsemen of the Apocalypse

Codex: The Horsemen of the Apocalypse

Z Day: Curing Zombies
Codex: Z Day Protocol

Zombieland: Z Day Zombie Army, Catch the Infection today!

Codex: Zombieland Z Day Protocol, Z Radio

Mayor Z: Mr Zombie AKA The Stalker

Department of Pride
Head department run by the four rulers of Hell, dedicated to leading the region and maintaining the established regional hierarchy.

Codex: The Kingdom of Hell, History of Hell

King of Hell: The Stalker
Lord of Hell: Big jim p
Gatekeeper of Hell: Freddland
Magister of Hell: Cynical Alcoholics
Prince of Hell: Kyraina
Hell Elders: Boolaroo, Sathan, Sabana santa, War-salvaged soldiers, Mc johnny, Donkervader