Hell's Bells Issue XIII: Christmas Time In Hell

Ask not for whom the bell tolls, it tolls for thee.

December 24th, 2015
Issue XIII. Christmas Time in Hell

Index
I. The Nightmare Before Christmas
II. Spotlight News
III. Ask Fredd!
IV. Title-Aesthetic Analysis of Beethoven's Symphony No. 2 and Mozart's The Violin Concerto No. 5
V. Artwork of the Damned
VI. Hell Christmas Carols

The Nightmare Before Christmas
Complied by, The Stalker

Boys and girls of every age, Wouldn't you like to see something strange? Come with us and you will see this, our town of Halloween!
Hell has taken on new Nightmare Before Christmas theme for this December.

In this town we call home,
Everyone hail to the Pumpkin Song!

This time, this time
Making Christmas, Making Christmas!
Making Christmas, making Christmas is so fine
It's our this time and won't the children be surprised?
It's ours this time.

And the best, I must confess, I have saved for the last
For the ruler of this Christmas land
Is a fearsome king with a deep mighty voice
Least that's what I've come to understand.

And I've also heard it told
That he's something to behold
Like a lobster, huge and red
And sets out to slay with his rain gear on
Carting bulging sacks with his big great arms
That is, so I've heard it said

And on a dark, cold night, Under full moonlight. He flies into a fog, like a vulture in the sky, and they call him Sandy Claws...

Spotlight News
Compiled by, The Stalker

The Black Hawks Visit Middle Earth

On December 5th, 2015 Sayenka took the delegacy revealing themselves to be a raider sleeper Marselesk of The Black Hawks. An army of Hawks swarmed upon the good people of Middle Earth, terrorizing humans, dwarves, elves, and hobbits alike, peaking well over 50 endorsements. Middle Earth had been raid free for nearly two years, and this raid would end Dor Caranthir's 433 day reign. For eleven days they waged war upon Middle Earth, the King Dor Caranthir and his council held strong against overwhelming numbers. An official Middle Earth outpost would be established in Hobbiton to offer save haven to the handful of natives that got ejected.

On the eleventh day The Black Hawks left Middle Earth and the people hailed the return of the King.

(Hell's Bells welcome submissions for future Spotlight News articles, contact The Stalker for details.)

Ask Fredd!
Advice Column by, Freddland

Mr. Fredd...
I recently encountered an individual who claims to be a Lycanthropic Skinwalker (he's essentially a werewolf) and he tells me he can't phase (change) because it is too dangerous, but he can't control it if he gets mad.... I am somewhat skeptical.....Should i try to get him to transform? what do you think is the best way to force a Skinwalker to change?

Sincerely,
He who pokes a Bear in the Face with a Cattle Prod.

Poker,
My B.S. meter is pegged. But, if you really want to test this 'skinwalker', skin him. He'll either change or be cured. Win – win.

Fredd
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Dear Fredd,

What does a Leviathan and the other demons of Hell eat for Christmas?

Sincerely,
Not Tasty

Tasty,
You've heard of Turducken? You stuff a chicken inside of a duck inside of a turkey. Then grill it up, nice and juicy. Pretty tasty, but not good enough for the Fredd. My version is the Walpenturducken. That's a chicken stuffed inside a duck inside a turkey inside an emperor penguin inside a walrus. Very tasty and, as an added bonus, you have sandwiches for weeks.

Fredd
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Have a question for Fredd you'd like to see answered in the next issue of Hell's Bells? Submit here via telegram to Freddland.

Aesthetic Analysis of Beethoven's Symphony No. 2 and Mozart's The Violin Concerto No. 5
Article by, Ingskalla

Between the years of 1801 and 1802 Ludwig van Beethoveen composed Symphony No. 2 in D major (Op. 36) in four movements in dedication to Karl Alois/Prince Lichnowsky and Chamberlain of the Austrian Imperial Court. Beethoven resided in Heiligenstadt, Austro-Hungarian Empire when he created this masterpiece, where to his own personal detriment, his deafness became increasingly more profound and came to the unfortunate revelation that his deteriorating auditory abilities were irreversible. It is important to acknowledge that his struggle with his deafness left him in a state of considerable lamentation during the formation of this symphony. Specific emotions can be detected if the audience is keenly observant and can conceptualize the melancholic status of Ludwig van Beethoven. Beethoven composed his Second Symphony in absence of a regulatory minuet. Alternatively, a scherzo was substituted providing the composition with an amplified projection of perception and energetic elation. Logically, this would be profound in that it would captivate the audience and again portray the poignant element quintessential to the ambiance this symphony. This form consisted of four movements which are indicated as: Adaigo, Largetto, Scherzo: Allegro, and Allegro motto. Fundamentally in it’s optimal and conventional presentation, Symphony # 2 constitutes two oboes, a couple flutes, a duet of clarinets in note A, two bassoons, two horns in note D and E, trumpets in D, accompanied by timpani and strings.

The composer also made a transcription of the entire symphony for piano trio of which it bears the same opus number. Personally, I’m an admirer of the ingenuity of earlier works of Beethoven, but to speak candidly I would argue that Symphony #2's 1st is not among his most extravagant and mesmerizing of movements. By no means would I denounce or undermine the profundity of aesthetic appeal and elegance of the first movement of this piece, however the beginning was rather derivative of something more characteristic to Mozart. At the time of the creation of this piece, Beethoven was still considerably influenced by Mozart for his symphonic ideas and conceptions. Pointing to subsequent pieces, the Eroica, the 9th, and especially the 5th, this early symphony brims with revolutionary fervor, attributed with all the energetic elan associated with several Beethoven's great symphonies.

Also of course we have the The Violin Concerto No. 5 in A major, K. 219, composed by Wolfgang von Beethoven’s predecessor Mozart in the year 1775. The Violin Concerto No. 5 premiered during holiday in that same year and it adheres to a fast-slow-fast musical structure normative for the era. Regarding Mozart’s Concerto No.5 for Violin in A major, the aperto indicated on the first movement is relatively scarce in Mozart's instrumental compositions however is represented more prevalently in his operatic performances. This ultimately suggests that the composition should intentionally be executed more eclectically and in adherence to the conventionalities of allegro. Initially, the first movement is initiated with the orchestra performing a standard Mozartian tune. Following as a brief departure, a violin should correspond in a significant dolce adagio passage in A Major. Afterwards, there is a changeover and the main theme returns with the violin playing in concordance with the other instrumental constituents of the orchestra. This first movement is 11 minutes in duration with a grand total of 28 minutes of exquisite auditory stimulation and euphoric musical effervescence.

In this article I have briefly described the historical background and aesthetic context in which these masterpieces were composed and from my perspective, how they are significant. I would encourage anyone with an appreciation and interest for classical music to attend performances of these masterpieces.

-Written by the Norwegian Satanic Imperium of Ivar Skarsgård
Imperator of the Satanic Cathedral

Artwork of the Damned
"The Vitruvian Man"
12x12 Oil Painting by, The Stalker

Hell Christmas Carols
Parody by, The Stalker

Twelve Days of Christmas in Hell
On the Twelfth day of Christmas the Devil sent to me,
Twelve Demons dancing,
Eleven false prophets preaching,
Ten angels falling,
Nine Circles of Hell blazing,
Eight Evil Thoughts twisting,
Seven Deadly Sins enticing,
Six hydra heads hissing,
Five Golden Pentagrams,
Four riding Horsemen,
Three barking Cerberus heads,
Two Minotaurs,
And a Mad King in a lake of fire!

The Stalker is Coming to Town
You better watch out, and i'd like it if you cry
Better not be surprised when I drink your tears, I'm telling you why
The Stalker is coming to town!

He's following your every move, And taking your picture twice;
He's gonna find out if your single or if he's gonna have to stab someone nice.
The Stalker is coming to town!

The Stalker sees you when you're sleeping, He follows you when you're awake, He knows if you've taken a shower or not, he's just obsessed for goodness sake!

You better watch out! You better not run,
You better not try to escape my love, I'm telling you why,
The Stalker is coming to town!

The Stalker smells you when you're sleeping, He collects your hair when you're away, He knows if you've been out on a date, and will stab them because he knows he's the one.

You know i'm watching out, and I got some drugged candy canes for you to try,
You better love me or i'll murder you, I'm telling you why
The Stalker is coming to town!

We hope you've enjoyed our Merry F-ing Christmas thirteenth issue of Hell's Bells. Nations interested in contributing to future issues should contact The Stalker for details.

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