The Fuerzas Armadas of Numero Capitan is a gargantuan, orderly nation, notable for its pith helmet sales, flagrant waste-dumping, and irreverence towards religion. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical population of 24.493 billion Capitans are rabid consumers, partly through choice and partly because the government tells them to and dissenters tend to vanish from their homes at night.

The relatively small, corrupt, pro-business, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Industry, Defense, and Education. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Nuca. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 36.9%.

The frighteningly efficient Numero Capitanian economy, worth a remarkable 4,420 trillion Gold Bars a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Retail industry, with major contributions from Arms Manufacturing, Information Technology, and Uranium Mining. Black market activity is rampant. Average income is an impressive 180,481 Gold Bars, but there is a vast disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 1,626,318 per year while the poor average 2,467, a ratio of 659 to 1.

Fixing attendance at women's matches is a matter of "when they go low, we go high... funding", kids' party bags often contain candy and e-cigarettes, students are explicitly allowed to write answers on their forearms before exams, and exports are stamped with "made by the invisible hand you commies". Crime, especially youth-related, is all-pervasive, perhaps because of the country's complete lack of prisons. Numero Capitan's national animal is the Bat, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to toxic air pollution.

Numero Capitan is ranked 293,601^st in the world and 8^th in 00000 A World Power for Lowest Crime Rates, with 3.43 law-abiding acts per hour.