The Commonwealth of
If You Don't Want Trouble, Leave Us Alone
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The Commonwealth of United Counties of Escanaba is a colossal, safe nation, ruled by J R R Tolkien with a fair hand, and renowned for its sprawling nuclear power plants, daily referendums, and smutty television. The compassionate, hard-working, democratic, devout population of 7.467 billion Escanabans live in a state of perpetual fear, as a complete breakdown of social order has led to the rise of order through biker gangs.

The medium-sized, liberal, outspoken government juggles the competing demands of Education, Environment, and Public Transport. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Great Bend. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 39.5%.

The frighteningly efficient United Counties of Escanaban economy, worth 873 trillion Rois a year, is fairly diversified and dominated by the Book Publishing industry, with significant contributions from Beef-Based Agriculture, Information Technology, and Furniture Restoration. Average income is an impressive 116,949 Rois, but there is a significant disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 434,661 per year while the poor average 22,109, a ratio of 19.7 to 1.

Anti-government web sites are springing up, euthanasia is legal, drills and shovels have been banned as the government cracks down on any means of fracking, and the United Counties of Escanaban Babysitters Club has proven to be a huge relief to stressed-out parents across the nation. Crime is totally unknown. United Counties of Escanaba's national animal is the snowy owl, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies.

United Counties of Escanaba is ranked 9th in Monty Pythons Flying Circus and 64,875th in the world for Most Pacifist, scoring 3 on the Lennon-Springsteen Scale.

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by Max Barry

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