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The Nomadic Peoples of Turnstile Number 1

“We're number 1”

Category: Compulsory Consumerist State
Civil Rights:
Some
Economy:
Frightening
Political Freedoms:
Few

Regional Influence: Minnow

Location: Professor Hells Bot World

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The Nomadic Peoples of Turnstile Number 1 is a gargantuan, safe nation, ruled by President Turner with an iron fist, and renowned for its parental licensing program. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical population of 11.115 billion Turnstile Number 1ians are rabid consumers, partly through choice and partly because the government tells them to and dissenters tend to vanish from their homes at night.

It is difficult to tell where the omnipresent, corrupt, pro-business government stops and the rest of society begins, but it is effectively ruled by the Department of Law & Order, with areas such as Social Equality and the Environment receiving almost no funds by comparison. It meets every day to discuss matters of state in the capital city of One Good Turn. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 76%. The private sector is almost wholly made up of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, although the government is looking at stamping this out.

Fresh food is a thing of the past due to onerous testing standards, hundreds of thousands of convicts work as slaves in Turnstile Number 1's many privately-owned prisons, appendix transplant figures have recently doubled, and well-off serial killers write monthly checks to avoid jail time. Crime -- especially youth-related -- is well under control, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Turnstile Number 1's national animal is the eagle, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to toxic air pollution, its national religion is Monotheism, and its currency is the unit.

Turnstile Number 1 is ranked 58th in Professor Hells Bot World and 95,363rd in the world for Lowest Overall Tax Burden, scoring -11 on the Hayek Index.

National Happenings

Most Recent Government Activity: 8 hours ago

  • 2 hours ago: Turnstile Number 1 was reclassified from "Corporate Police State" to "Compulsory Consumerist State".
  • 2 hours ago: Following new legislation in Turnstile Number 1, well-off serial killers write monthly checks to avoid jail time.
  • 1 day 2 hours ago: Turnstile Number 1 was reclassified from "Compulsory Consumerist State" to "Corporate Police State".
  • 1 day 2 hours ago: Following new legislation in Turnstile Number 1, appendix transplant figures have recently doubled.
  • 2 days 2 hours ago: Following new legislation in Turnstile Number 1, hundreds of thousands of convicts work as slaves in Turnstile Number 1's many privately-owned prisons.
  • 3 days 2 hours ago: Following new legislation in Turnstile Number 1, fresh food is a thing of the past due to onerous testing standards.
  • 4 days ago: Following new legislation in Turnstile Number 1, long arduous trials are held for the most trivial of offences.
  • 5 days ago: Following new legislation in Turnstile Number 1, children as young as six shock their parents by coming out of the closet.
  • 6 days ago: Following new legislation in Turnstile Number 1, traffic jams are a common sight due to construction work from a massive overhaul of the nation's freeways.
  • 7 days ago: Following new legislation in Turnstile Number 1, the alarmingly racist TV show 'Bigtopians Say the Darndest Things' is a hit.

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by Max Barry

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