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The Nomadic Peoples of Turnstile Number 1

“We're number 1”

Category: Iron Fist Consumerists
Civil Rights:
Few
Economy:
Frightening
Political Freedoms:
Few

Regional Influence: Vassal

Location: Professor Hells Bot World

OverviewPeopleGovernmentEconomyTrendAnalysis

The Nomadic Peoples of Turnstile Number 1 is a massive, economically powerful nation, ruled by President Turner with an iron fist, and notable for its hatred of cheese. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical population of 2.792 billion, 2.79 billion of whom are zombies, Turnstile Number 1ians are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

It is difficult to tell where the omnipresent, corrupt government stops and the rest of society begins, but it is effectively ruled by the Department of Law & Order, with areas such as the Environment and Social Equality receiving almost no funds by comparison. It meets every day to discuss matters of state in the capital city of One Good Turn. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 78%. The private sector is almost wholly made up of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, although the government is looking at stamping this out.

Embarrassed police officers wear spandex and carry net guns, employers may fire workers without giving any reason, parents are held criminally responsible for their children's crimes, and citizens are tied down and forced to watch educational videos on empathy. Crime is relatively low, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Turnstile Number 1's national animal is the eagle, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to toxic air pollution, its national religion is Monotheism, and its currency is the unit.

Turnstile Number 1 is ranked 59th in Professor Hells Bot World and 111,417th in the world for Largest Manufacturing Sector, scoring -16 on the Gooback-Jerbs Productivity Index.

Turnstile Number 1 is currently considering its options.

People: 2,138,011

Zombies: 2,790,308,914

Dead: 8,872,901,899

Survival Rate: 0.02%

National Happenings

Most Recent Government Activity: 4 days ago

  • 4 days ago: Following new legislation in Turnstile Number 1, citizens are tied down and forced to watch educational videos on empathy.
  • 5 days ago: Following new legislation in Turnstile Number 1, parents are held criminally responsible for their children's crimes.
  • 6 days ago: Following new legislation in Turnstile Number 1, employers may fire workers without giving any reason.
  • 9 days ago: Turnstile Number 1 was ranked in the Top 10% of the region for Largest Populations (last census: Top 5%).
  • 9 days ago: Following new legislation in Turnstile Number 1, embarrassed police officers wear spandex and carry net guns.
  • 10 days ago: Following new legislation in Turnstile Number 1, most of the military's funding goes into researching space-age weaponry.
  • 11 days ago: Following new legislation in Turnstile Number 1, young children are regularly seen wagering pocket money at blackjack tables.
  • 12 days ago: Following new legislation in Turnstile Number 1, chess hooliganism is on the rise after the banning of organised sports.
  • 13 days ago: Turnstile Number 1 was reclassified from "Moralistic Democracy" to "Iron Fist Consumerists".
  • 13 days ago: Following new legislation in Turnstile Number 1, pollsters are out of a job as elections have been cancelled.

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by Max Barry

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