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The Nomadic Peoples of Turnstile Number 1

“We're number 1”

Category: Compulsory Consumerist State
Civil Rights:
Some
Economy:
Frightening
Political Freedoms:
Few

Regional Influence: Minnow

Location: Professor Hells Bot World

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The Nomadic Peoples of Turnstile Number 1 is a gargantuan, economically powerful nation, ruled by President Turner with an iron fist, and renowned for its keen interest in outer space. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical population of 11.082 billion Turnstile Number 1ians are rabid consumers, partly through choice and partly because the government tells them to and dissenters tend to vanish from their homes at night.

It is difficult to tell where the omnipresent, corrupt, pro-business government stops and the rest of society begins, but it is effectively ruled by the Department of Law & Order, with areas such as Social Equality and the Environment receiving almost no funds by comparison. It meets every day to discuss matters of state in the capital city of One Good Turn. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 77%. The private sector is almost wholly made up of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, although the government is looking at stamping this out.

Cars are banned from built-up areas, the alarmingly racist TV show 'Bigtopians Say the Darndest Things' is a hit, traffic jams are a common sight due to construction work from a massive overhaul of the nation's freeways, and children as young as six shock their parents by coming out of the closet. Crime -- especially youth-related -- is well under control, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Turnstile Number 1's national animal is the eagle, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to toxic air pollution, its national religion is Monotheism, and its currency is the unit.

Turnstile Number 1 is ranked 71st in Professor Hells Bot World and 111,296th in the world for Least Corrupt Governments, scoring -397 on the Inverse Mugabe Relativity Rating.

National Happenings

Most Recent Government Activity: 13 hours ago

  • 6 hours ago: Following new legislation in Turnstile Number 1, children as young as six shock their parents by coming out of the closet.
  • 1 day 6 hours ago: Following new legislation in Turnstile Number 1, traffic jams are a common sight due to construction work from a massive overhaul of the nation's freeways.
  • 2 days 6 hours ago: Following new legislation in Turnstile Number 1, the alarmingly racist TV show 'Bigtopians Say the Darndest Things' is a hit.
  • 3 days 6 hours ago: Following new legislation in Turnstile Number 1, cars are banned from built-up areas.
  • 4 days ago: Turnstile Number 1 was reclassified from "Capitalist Paradise" to "Compulsory Consumerist State".
  • 4 days ago: Following new legislation in Turnstile Number 1, pro-democracy protesters are shot on sight by state police.
  • 5 days ago: Following new legislation in Turnstile Number 1, citizens must have a license to operate a computer.
  • 6 days ago: Turnstile Number 1 was ranked in the Top 5% of the world for Shortest Average Lifespan (last census: Top 10%).
  • 6 days ago: Following new legislation in Turnstile Number 1, Turnstile Number 1's soft-touch approach to diplomacy has made it known as the 'push-over' of the region.
  • 7 days ago: Following new legislation in Turnstile Number 1, movies and computer games are strictly censored for violence.

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by Max Barry

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