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The Nomadic Peoples of Turnstile Number 1

“We're number 1”

Category: Moralistic Democracy
Civil Rights:
Few
Economy:
Frightening
Political Freedoms:
Some

Regional Influence: Minnow

Location: Professor Hells Bot World

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The Nomadic Peoples of Turnstile Number 1 is a gargantuan, devout nation, ruled by President Turner with an even hand, and remarkable for its parental licensing program. The hard-nosed, hard-working population of 11.324 billion Turnstile Number 1ians are highly moralistic and fiercely conservative, in the sense that they tend to believe most things should be outlawed. People who have good jobs and work quietly at them are lauded; others are viewed with suspicion.

It is difficult to tell where the omnipresent, corrupt government stops and the rest of society begins, but it is effectively ruled by the Department of Law & Order, with areas such as Social Equality and the Environment receiving almost no funds by comparison. It meets every day to discuss matters of state in the capital city of One Good Turn. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 78%. The private sector is almost wholly made up of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, although the government is looking at stamping this out.

Midnight raids drag couples from their homes in the name of decency, unemployment rates have skyrocketed as businesses abandon the country in search of cheap labour, members of majority races are forced out of their homes to make way for Bigtopians, and the fire protection service is wholly government-funded. Crime -- especially youth-related -- is well under control, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Turnstile Number 1's national animal is the eagle, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to toxic air pollution, its national religion is Monotheism, and its currency is the unit.

Turnstile Number 1 is ranked 60th in Professor Hells Bot World and 108,471st in the world for Largest Furniture Restoration Industry, scoring -7 on the Spitz-Pollish Productivity Index.

National Happenings

Most Recent Government Activity: 11 hours ago

  • 2 hours ago: Following new legislation in Turnstile Number 1, the fire protection service is wholly government-funded.
  • 1 day 2 hours ago: Following new legislation in Turnstile Number 1, members of majority races are forced out of their homes to make way for Bigtopians.
  • 2 days 2 hours ago: Following new legislation in Turnstile Number 1, unemployment rates have skyrocketed as businesses abandon the country in search of cheap labour.
  • 3 days 14 hours ago: Following new legislation in Turnstile Number 1, midnight raids drag couples from their homes in the name of decency.
  • 4 days ago: Following new legislation in Turnstile Number 1, Turnstile Number 1's army is full of two-metre tall super-soldiers.
  • 5 days ago: Turnstile Number 1 was reclassified from "Inoffensive Centrist Democracy" to "Moralistic Democracy".
  • 5 days ago: Following new legislation in Turnstile Number 1, all marriages are arranged by the government.
  • 6 days ago: Following new legislation in Turnstile Number 1, atheists are heavily taxed.
  • 7 days ago: Following new legislation in Turnstile Number 1, cheating spouses are required to undergo job training.
  • 8 days ago: Following new legislation in Turnstile Number 1, police officers ride the swiftest eagles.

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by Max Barry

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