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The Nomadic Peoples of Turnstile Number 1

“We're number 1”

Category: Father Knows Best State
Civil Rights:
Some
Economy:
Frightening
Political Freedoms:
Rare

Regional Influence: Minnow

Location: Professor Hells Bot World

OverviewPeopleGovernmentEconomyTrendAnalysis

The Nomadic Peoples of Turnstile Number 1 is a gargantuan, safe nation, ruled by President Turner with an iron fist, and remarkable for its parental licensing program. Its hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical population of 10.494 billion are ruled by a mostly-benevolent dictator, who grants the populace the freedom to live their own lives but watches carefully for anyone to slip up.

It is difficult to tell where the omnipresent, corrupt government stops and the rest of society begins, but it devotes most of its attentions to Law & Order, with areas such as Social Equality and the Environment receiving almost no funds by comparison. It meets every day to discuss matters of state in the capital city of One Good Turn. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 86%. The private sector is almost wholly made up of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, although the government is looking at stamping this out.

All guns must be registered, citizens are only allowed to view government-approved TV shows, eight year-olds with lemonade stands have been known to be locked up on charges of embezzlement, and dark alleys and public toilets are filled with furtive sexual activities among teenagers and unmarried adults. Crime -- especially youth-related -- is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Turnstile Number 1's national animal is the eagle, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, its national religion is Monotheism, and its currency is the unit.

Turnstile Number 1 is ranked 41st in Professor Hells Bot World and 7,435th in the world for Most Avoided, scoring 306.25 on the Kardashian Reflex Score.

National Happenings

Most Recent Government Activity: 5 hours ago

  • 23 hours ago: Following new legislation in Turnstile Number 1, dark alleys and public toilets are filled with furtive sexual activities among teenagers and unmarried adults.
  • 1 day 23 hours ago: Following new legislation in Turnstile Number 1, eight year-olds with lemonade stands have been known to be locked up on charges of embezzlement.
  • 2 days 23 hours ago: Following new legislation in Turnstile Number 1, citizens are only allowed to view government-approved TV shows.
  • 3 days 23 hours ago: Following new legislation in Turnstile Number 1, all guns must be registered.
  • 4 days ago: Following new legislation in Turnstile Number 1, discarded pennies litter the streets.
  • 5 days ago: Following new legislation in Turnstile Number 1, the number of students attending university has reached a record high.
  • 6 days ago: Following new legislation in Turnstile Number 1, X-Files ratings have hit an all-time low.
  • 7 days ago: Turnstile Number 1 was ranked in the Top 10% of the world for Lowest Unemployment Rates.
  • 7 days ago: Following new legislation in Turnstile Number 1, Pinkerton agents are called in to forcibly break up white collar strikes.
  • 8 days ago: Following new legislation in Turnstile Number 1, much of Turnstile Number 1's computer network is controlled by a rampant artificial intelligence.

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by Max Barry

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