The Strictly Neutral Republic of Spaztislavia is a gargantuan, cultured nation, ruled by Stanislav Voldzicky with an even hand, and remarkable for its museums and concert halls, complete lack of prisons, and devotion to social welfare. The compassionate, cheerful population of 22.713 billion Spaztovians are fiercely patriotic and enjoy great social equality; they tend to view other, more capitalist countries as somewhat immoral and corrupt.

The large government prioritizes Education, although Environment, Administration, and Healthcare are also considered important, while Defense is ignored. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Srosrka Nova. The average income tax rate is 98.9%.

The frighteningly efficient Spaztislavian economy, worth a remarkable 5,136 trillion Mints a year, is highly specialized and led by the Tourism industry, with major contributions from Information Technology and Book Publishing. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an amazing 226,141 Mints, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.6 times as much as the poorest.

Politicians who vacation in East Lebatuck lose their jobs upon their return, court verdicts are predictable to within a hundredth of a percentage point, the government has officially clarified that "wee on your hands to save time" does not count as proper hygiene, and viewers get headaches from trying to read the screen full of small print warnings that precede most TV shows. Crime is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Spaztislavia's national animal is the giant bat, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies, and its national religion is Spatizlavia's Catholic Church.

Spaztislavia is ranked 1,512^th in the world and 1^st in Distant Continent for Lowest Crime Rates, with 155.24 law-abiding acts per hour.